AITA for not going on family vacation 2 months after giving birth?

A Reddit user, a 23-year-old woman, is facing pressure from her in-laws to attend a family vacation planned for next summer, just two months after giving birth to her first child. She and her husband had originally planned to go, but after finding out her due date is just before the trip, she expressed concerns about traveling with a newborn and not being able to afford extra time off work. Her mother-in-law is frustrated with her decision, and there’s tension in the family. The Reddit user is torn between her need for rest and her family obligations. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for not going on family vacation 2 months after giving birth?’

In May, my(23f) husband’s (26m) parents planned a huge family beach vacation (brothers sisters aunts uncles cousins and all) for his grandparents 50th wedding anniversary for next summer. And we had 100% planned on going.
However we found out in September that we are expecting a baby and the due date is about 2 months before the trip.

I told my in laws that we will not be able to go in the trip as I don’t want to travel with a 2 months old across the country. And that we also could not afford to take the extra week off of work because I will not have a paid maternity leave.

His mom is very frustrated with me because they were planning on having me and my husband drive his grandparents down with us (which we were never told or even asked) and that a baby is completely fine to travel 700 miles after 2 months. When I bring up my concerns about not being able to afford to live she’ll say “well let’s just hope he’s born a week or two late”. Which I think that’s kinda crappy to hope for.

My husband is completely on my side, and his siblings/cousins are mixed. Some saying we should honor committing to go because we said we would before we knew. Others understanding our concerns. So Am I the a**hole for not going on a family trip after giving birth to my first baby?

Edit: I forgot to add this, but a big reason I feel like an a**hole is because my husbands grandparents are quite older and his parents keep saying this will be the last vacation they will probably take before they die.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

EsmeWeatherwax7a −  NTA. You’re going to be sleep deprived even in the best of situations, which makes a 700 mile drive really difficult. The baby’s immune system won’t be fully developed and they won’t be old enough for a lot of immunizations they need. Really small babies shouldn’t spend long periods in car seats. You’d need to stop a lot to deal with nursing and changing the baby, making the trip take forever.

You have no idea what your own physical recovery will entail and whether you can comfortably sit for this drive. And honestly, the fact that your in-laws are making this about “how dare your giving birth interferes with our plans to use you as drivers without your consent” makes me think they are not going to provide a lot of help to make this easier on you. In general, sure, it’s good to keep your word, but finding out you are expecting a child is a perfectly valid reason to reconsider vacation plans. Also, sorry about the lack of maternity leave, that’s awful.

slackerchic −  JFC YWNBTA, what are these people ON??? Taking a 2 month old delicate newborn across the country is INSANE! Their immune systems alone are fragile as s**t at that age. What if someone gives the baby a cold?

What if they need to see a doctor? Are you going to drive a sick newborn across the country just because you wanted to be polite so someone who had their best interest in mind and complete disregard for the life that you’re responsible for?? I would tell the doctor what they’re thinking and let them give you ammunition to say no. And when MIL starts giving you trouble you can ask her which medical school she graduated from.

Bunny_Bixler99 −  NTA . But… “I told my in laws that we will not be able to go in the trip”. Rookie mistake. Your husband, their son, should have been the one to deliver the news. 

LowBalance4404 −  This is the type of thing that I don’t think needs to be crowdsourced. You and your husband chatted, you both agreed no, you let MIL know, and the matter is closed. I don’t think there is any reason to bring up additional concerns or even entertain what cousins and in law siblings have to say. None of that matters. You guys said no, rightfully so. NTA, but I really think people need to learn to shut further discussions down.

Remote-Passenger7880 −  If the baby comes a week or two late, it’ll be *less* than two months after the baby is born. If you don’t want to take a 2mo baby, why on earth would you want to take a 1.5mo baby???

Majestic_Register346 −  Wow, your MIL is a piece of work. Let’s give her grace for the logistical difficulty of planning for such a big group and being thrown a curveball. Hopefully, that’s just her initial bad reaction and she’ll regain her empathy quickly.

It’s unfortunate on the timing but you’re being entirely reasonable to look out for your child’s well-being, which includes managing your stress levels. MIL shoudn’t be counting on you for anything having to do with the vacation, just in case, Heaven forbid that you have complications with the birth. Sounds like your husband is standing with you and that’s a relief. Stop explaining yourself to the relatives, simply state your boundaries, rinse & repeat.

Let them know that you’ll be temporarily blocking people who can’t accept your decision and continue to harrass you. Talk to the grandparents to convey your regrets and ask if there’s something you and hubby can do with them another time to make up for not going. All this to say, no, YWNBTA. Good luck and congrats!

SheepPup −  NTA. This is a not just no, but hell no situation. 1) it’s dangerous for babies to be in car seats that long. The safe amount of time is two hours in a 24hr period. The reason it’s not safe is the position they’re in in a car seat can restrict their breathing and lead to low oxygen levels, and it’s not particularly great for their developing spines either.

2) it’s dangerous to take a baby that young that has barely even started being vaccinated around on huge trips with tons of people. At two months your baby may not have even had their first whooping cough vaccine, [take a listen to what it sounds like](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DB70izafC1Y) would you be ok with sitting in a hospital across the county listening to your baby make this sound because you didn’t want to rock the boat with your MIL?

3) about one in three births in the US is a c-section. That’s not insignificant at all. Do you really think that two months after you get gutted like a fish you’re going to be wanting to haul big heavy suitcases, sit in a car for literal days at a time, and then once you get there spend a bunch of time in a swimsuit? This is a hard no, it will be dangerous to your child and absolutely miserable to boot. There’s plenty enough time between now and may for her to figure out how to get grandparents there without you.

Odd-Crow132 −  Realizing that I should have labeled this as WIBTA, my bad I’m new to Reddit.

Jyqm −  Genuinely unbelievable to me that your family would react to the news of your having a baby by suddenly transforming into a bunch of selfish assholes. Gobsmacking. I hope you enjoy an uneventful pregnancy and childbirth, and please dedicate as much time as you can to yourself and your child after they are born, for the sake of their health and yours. NTA.

ashleighbuck −  a baby is completely fine to travel 700 miles after 2 months. Yeah, well, you know, that’s just like, uh, her opinion, man. Cool. When it’s her baby, she can travel like that. Her opinion on that has no bearing on the choices you want to make. NTA.