AITA? For not going home for the holidays because my service dog is not allowed?

A Redditor shared a heartfelt dilemma about being excluded from family holiday gatherings due to their service dog not being allowed in the family home. Despite the dog being well-trained and essential for the user’s needs, the family maintains a strict no-outside-dogs rule, even as they allow their own less-disciplined pets. This exclusion has left the user feeling unwelcome and uncertain about attending future gatherings. Read the full story below to see their perspective.

‘ AITA? For not going home for the holidays because my service dog is not allowed?’

AITA? About 2020, the family Patriarch and Matriarch decided outside dogs would not be accepted into their home for holidays, which I just learned. It was mostly applicable to one pair of dogs belonging to one of their siblings. The Pa and Ma have their own, very well behaved dog.

This year, I mentioned I wanted to visit over Christmas. I have a small service dog who is well trained for her job. I’m also not biologically or married to this family. But, they are, my family and have been for decades. ‘Sorry, you will have to make arrangements for your dog, but you are welcome any night you want to stay except Chistmas Eve because daughter A’s (see below) family tradition is to stay that night and do Christmas gift exchange the next morning.’

The two biological daughters & husbands have 5 kids and two semi-trained dogs (they are potty trained) between them that do come to their parents house for every occasion. One dog is a 4 month old, mostly, untrained puppy. It barks furiously. The other cannot contain it’s enthusiasm. My dog never barks, behaves pretty well, but does play with the other dogs and the 3 younger kids and knows how to use the doggy door.

One daughter (A), whose kids are teenagers, asked, ‘can’t you board your dog’, the other asked what is the difference between a pet and a service dog when I mentioned to her (B) that I would get a hotel but you are not allowed to leave a service dog in a hotel room due to ADA rules. I’m welcome to stay in any of the three homes, but my dog is not. Due to ‘stress’. The stress is real in one home, but fixable in two.

I tried to find a boarder in their city and even mine, but was declined several times in theirs and could not find a match in my own town. The ban isn’t just for holidays. It’s year round. So, in reality, I’m no longer welcome unless I do not have a service dog or pet.

Why couldn’t the daughter’s families leave their own dogs at home so there are only two dogs in the main home? Everyone seems blind to the fact that I have a service dog for a reason and they have pets. Daughter A & B are also upset because their families do Christmas different, and that is a whole ‘nother level.

I haven’t told them I’m not coming, because of all of this, but I know the fit will hit the shan if I do. I’m not boycotting, but want to make it clear to them that, suddenly, I’m not welcome because of my service dog, I will not visit anymore.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

ZendiaStar −  NTA – Your service dog is a necessity, not a luxury. It’s pretty unreasonable that they can’t make an exception for a well-trained service animal while allowing less trained pets. It’s important they understand that your dog isn’t just a pet but a part of your everyday life that helps you function.

sacredblasphemies −  I’m saying this as someone who works in a hotel and, consequently, has to deal with a lot of people and their service dogs and/or pets. If you require a service dog, how then would you be able to leave it in a hotel? You say “you are not allowed to leave a service dog in a hotel due to ADA rules”.

This is because if it is legally a service dog, it is required to be with you at all times. Because whatever task it is trained for, it is something that requires the dog’s presence. Why would you even look for a kennel or whatever to put your dog up in, if you require a service dog?

No offense intended, it’s just that in my industry, we get a lot of people claiming their dogs are “service animals” but then leave them in their rooms while they go off to work or socialize or whatever, WHICH MEANS IT IS NOT A SERVICE ANIMAL. Maybe it’s an Emotional Support Animal, which is fine. Some people need those and that’s great, but legally an ESA is a pet not a service animal. A service animal would be something like a seeing-eye dog, a dog that can detect diabetes or an oncoming seizure or something similar.

flindersrisk −  Why not a simple missive, “I cannot travel or stay anyplace without my service companion insert-name-here because”. If you identify your infirmity it will help these people understand your need. If they can’t accommodate you then, you don’t show up.

Dieter_Knutsen −  This is one of the strangest-worded posts I’ve ever read.

Ema630 −  If you medically require a service dog to be with you at all times, then you can’t just leave your dog behind. Would they tell someone with asthma to leave their inhaler home, or another person to leave their heart medication or anti-depressant medication home? Would they tell someone to leave their mobility device home? No, because that’s an absurd request.

Your dog is not a pet, your dog is a working dog that was deemed medically necessary for your safety and well-being. This dog has been specially trained to help you with whatever disability you have. You dog either alerts you if you are deaf or have a seizure disorder, calms you if you have anxiety/PTSD, reminds you to take your medication, interrupts impulsive/destructive behavior, or detects allergens that are dangerous for you.

You cannot be without your service dog in the same way a paralyzed person cannot be without their wheelchair, The dog makes you able to participate in society in the same sort of way. They are wrong to put you in this position. It sounds like there are a lot of dogs in the mix, but yours should have priority. NTA….but they sure are.

Creative-Bus-3500 −  I don’t think it’s fair of you to say their daughter shouldn’t bring her animals. That’s their daughter and you haven’t made it clear about how you know these people. Is the dog a service animal or emotional support animal?

lsp2005 −  Info: if you are not biologically or married in, how are you related to the family? They may be using this excuse to make you understand you are not really related to this branch at all. They may not have known how to get you to stop participating in their family time, and this is the excuse they used. You may consider them family, but they may not have the same feelings for you. I would examine things critically to see if you are misinterpreting things, and have done so for a long time.

akshetty2994 −  This year, I mentioned I wanted to visit over Christmas. . Okay. I’m also not biologically or married to this family. But, they are, my family and have been for decades.. In what way? Why couldn’t the daughter’s families leave their own dogs at home so there are only two dogs in the main home? It is their family home and they can organize it how they wish.

NAH, they are allowed to set rules as willynilly as they wish. You are allowed to not go somewhere you don’t feel welcomed. No one has pushed back on you for this so I cannot say they are ah for it. I cannot fault them for having their family gathering how they wish as well.

DBgirl83 −  Is this a service dog or an emotional support dog? Because a service/guide dog does not normally go to a boarding house. In fact, this is not recommended due to their function.

octropos −  NAH. I have ran into enough people claiming their pet is a service dog to doubt every single ‘service dog’ claim I’ve ever heard unless someone is legally blind. What’s worse, is when those people argue when their dog is in barking in a baby carriage. I don’t blame anyone for not believing someone unless your disability is extremely visible. You’re also pretty vague on the details and haven’t answered anyone’s questions, so I can only assume.