AITA for not going “home” for Christmas?

One Reddit user shares their dilemma about not wanting to travel home for Christmas. After moving 11 hours away, they made it clear to their family that they would no longer be making the long drive to visit for the holiday. However, their parents expect them to come, despite living closer to their brother’s house.

The user feels that the family should alternate where they spend Christmas, rather than defaulting to the brother’s house. Their parents continue to guilt-trip them, and they’re frustrated by their brother’s lack of effort in maintaining a relationship outside of family gatherings. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not going “home” for Christmas?’

My (34f) whole life, I’ve spent Christmas with my folks and my brothers. Living in the same town, driving over was no issue. Cut to now, I am living 11 hours away. Funny thing is, my parents also live in my town, but they still drive to my brother’s (37m) house for Christmas 11 hours away, because he has kids (my husband and I do not).

My parents now expect us to make the drive down to be there for the day, even though I made my stand after moving last year, that I’ll be home on Christmas. I’m not traveling for Christmas. It sounds like an absolute nightmare, and we really can’t afford it anyway. There was more attempts at persuasion and guilt tripping from my dad this year.

I said to my mom “why not stay here for Christmas?” She just scoffed like that was preposterous and said she will ALWAYS go. They say the kids are only young once. But they’re not my kids! I love them and I always give them a gift, but it’s not my responsibility to make their holidays magical.

Just because I don’t have children doesn’t mean my family isn’t valid and deserving of enjoying the holiday in the comfort of our home with our pets. Where we worked so hard to be. I think my parents should start switching off where to spend the holiday, instead of my brother’s house being the default.

For context, my brother is the golden child and living in my parents’ first house rent free, and being there is pretty unpleasant for me. I don’t have a relationship with him or his wife outside of being cordial just to have a relationship with my nieces and nephews.

They visit my parents in the summers, so I get to see the kids every year. When they’re in town, the kids come to my house but my brother and his wife do not make any effort to see us. AITAH?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

lowkeybop −  NTA. I’d just be civil and firm, for all the reasons you cited. It’s only “guilt tripping” if you allow it to make you feel guilty.

No_Atmosphere_5411 −  I mean, personally, I don’t think that they should switch off if they don’t want to. They are correct that the kids are only young once, but you are also correct.

Those aren’t your kids. You see them enough every year. They don’t need you for Christmas. NTA. I would say N A H, but your parents keep pestering you, which makes them TA.

Violet_K89 −  What I don’t understand why make a big deal of it? Christmas doesn’t need to be celebrated exactly at 25th. Your parents could easily told you, we will go to your brothers this days because we want to spend with grandkids, which, is true they’re only young once and your parents aren’t getting any younger either.

And then they could ask you, when can we celebrate our Christmas? Now if they can see this, you might want to offer, hey we can’t go this year but I’d love to do something later or before at our house. Done.

My husband is only child, his parents live 2h away and there were some Christmas we told them that we wanted to spend at home and we would go there to celebrate on New years. We did a Christmas again plus celebrated new years. We all had a good time! Date is a detail. NTA. Nobody is. Family sometimes comes with extra drama 🫠

user_is_suspended −  This is a good example of family tradition really being about boomer comfort

cacaushow −  NTA. You’ve made it clear that you’re not willing to travel for Christmas, especially given the distance and your family dynamics. It’s not your responsibility to make the holiday special for your brother’s kids, and your parents should respect your decision to enjoy the holiday in your own home.

Erwindegier −  NTA I am driving to my skiing holiday the 24th as I did last year. Much better than being forced to celebrate Christmas.

gazscanonboyfriend −  NTA. Tell them that you literally cannot afford to travel right now. If they keep going at it just mute them and go on with your day. You are not required to do anything. You’re an adult. They may be your parents but they hold no power over you.

Unless they are willing to A: pay a plane ticket/Uber for you, get a hotel or the nice room in your brothers for you, then they can’t ask demands you can barely meet because of your financial situation.

I’d just say “I love my brother and the kids but at the of the day, I’m in no position to travel eleven hours TWICE, on top of gifts and activities they want to do.

babyluxe123 −  You’re definitely not the A-hole here. It’s understandable to want to enjoy Christmas in your own home, especially after moving so far away. Your parents should recognize that family traditions can evolve and that everyone deserves to create their own holiday experiences.

It’s also fair for you to prioritize your comfort and financial situation over guilt trips. Setting boundaries is important, and it sounds like you’ve communicated yours clearly.

Runns_withScissors −  NTA. It’s fine to make your own traditions, and it’s fine for your parents to have feelings about it. You don’t have to explain yourself or have “good” reasons- or any reasons at all except that you want to stay home!

Every_Caterpillar945 −  NTA. Tell your mom you will spend christmas home from now on. They are invited to celebrate with you, but you understand when they rather spend it with their grandkids.

The last part bc you need to come to terms with the fact grandparents will always want to spend christmas with their grandbabies, at least as long they are kids. And your mom already made this clear. So they will not take you up on your offer to spend christmas with you at your place every other year.

And you shouldn’t be mad at them for this or become bitter. They just love their grandkids and its not like you can’t join them for christmas, you are not being excluded to spend it with your family at your brothers place, you choose not to join them.

It would be different if your brother says you aren’t welcome, in this case it would be fair for your parents to switch between you guys, but thats not the case. I never make the long drive for christmas. Mostly bc when my family gathers, there are just too many ppl for me to feel comfortable. But thats my choice.

I would never expect my parents to skip christmas with my siblings and their kids to spend it with me. They love their grandkids and i don’t want them to miss out on celebrating with them. I can meet my parents any other day.