AITA for not giving the neighbors kids candy?

A young woman in the Netherlands followed neighborhood rules during the Sint Maarten tradition by handing out candy between 6-7 PM and placing a candle outside to signal participation. After the time slot ended, she put the candy away and focused on her college project.

At 9 PM, her new neighbors arrived with their kids, claiming they missed the proper time because the mother prioritized her TV show. Despite explaining the rules and not having enough candy left, the mother insisted she find some, ultimately leaving frustrated.

Later, the neighbor complained in the group chat, implying the woman was at fault for disappointing her kids. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not giving the neighbors kids candy?’

I, 21f, live with my parents in the Netherlands. Here we have a tradition on November 11 called Sint Maarten. It’s where kids make their own lanterns, go door to door, sing songs for candy. Kinda like trick or treating.

In my neighborhood we have the rule that the kids (and their parents) can only come to the door for candy between 6 and 7pm. No sooner and no later. It’s also a rule that the houses who participate, need to have a candle outside next to the door. No candle means no songs/candy.

Now we have new neighbors (they moved here 6 months ago, but this is the first time they participated here), with 4 kids between 9ish and 15ish so of course they were welcome to participate. Now I was home alone during Sint Maarten, because my parents were with my aunt, who’s really sick.

I was really busy with my projects for college, but between 6 and 7pm I happily put a candle next to the door and prepared a bowl of candy. Many kids came to sing songs and it was adorable. At 7pm I blew out the candle, grabbed the rest of the candy to snack on (there were 3 pieces left) and went back to my projects (I had a deadline that evening).

Around 9pm the bell rang. I opened the door and there were the new neighbors. The kids immediately started singing songs. I didn’t know what to do and when they were done I politely told them that the planned hour for Sint Maarten was already over.

The mom said that they couldn’t participate then, because absolutely couldn’t miss her tv-show and that her husband was grocery shopping. Now I’d like to point out that we have a group chat with all the adults in the neighborhood and each year the rules are repeated. These new neighbors are also in this chat.

I told them that it wasn’t my fault that they had other priorities and that I didn’t have a candle outside. The mom told me that because I had the decorative lights above the front door on, they assumed that I was still participating.

I explained the rules again and told them that it had to be a candle outside the door to prevent confusion. She asked me if I was really going to deny her kids candy after they sang me a song. I told them that we didn’t have anything left and she got even more mad.

I pointed out that even if I had any left, I wouldn’t have had enough for all her kids. She demanded that I go find candy for her kids, when I told her that the best that I could do was some fruit, she scoffed and said that I had ruined Sint Maarten for her kids.

The kids started whining for candy and the mom told them that I didn’t have any for them In the meantime it was almost 9:30, my deadline was for 11 and I still had a lot to do. I was tired, stressed and had a headache, so I was grumpy.

I still tried to be as polite as possible and told them that I had to get back to my project. The next day there was a message in the group chat from the mom saying that her kids were disappointed that they couldn’t participate and that she expected better from a neighborhood with so many kids.. So, AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

yukidaviji −  NTA You had nothing to give them and they knew the rules. They decided TV was more important than participating in the event. The kids disappointment is on the parents. Not you.

You followed the rules, and they didn’t even want to take your very generous offer of fruit when you should have offered nothing since the event was over.

Tangerine_Bouquet −  NTA. She showed up *two hours late*. She went to a house without a candle. Even someone who had wanted to give candy could easily have been out of candy by then. However, next time don’t answer the door at all after blowing out the candle. You had something else to do!

More-Yogurtcloset531 −  You should have told the children they don’t get candy because their mom watched TV.

benbever −  Sint Maarten time is between 17:30 and 19:00. It’s for children between ~3 and ~10 years old. Their bed time is between 19:00 and 20:00. It’s up to you if you want to be lenient and give out candy to bigger kids who might ring the door after 19:00.

Ringing the door after 20:00 is rude, small children are trying to sleep. Sint Maarten is very much over by then. NTA. This mother ruined the experience for her children and was extremely rude.

tinyd71 −  The mother’s message to the group chat was passive-aggressive. She had access to the “rules” of the event, but didn’t let her kids participate at the identified time. That’s not on you.. NTA

draconiclyyours −  Holy s**t, you need to ask? Rules were publicly posted, she didn’t abide. That’s on her. Consequences of one’s own actions and all.. NTA.

whiteraven13 −  NTA it’s not your fault she cares more about her precious tv show than her kids

Justan0therthrow4way −  Couldn’t miss a tv show? What is this the 90s? NTA

Prior_Profession9478 −  I would have told her to fuckoff and shut the door.

SweetCitySong −  NTA! It was past the stated time and you didn’t have any candy left. Did that inconsiderate mom expect you to run to the store and buy more for her kiddies? 

Following established guidelines is reasonable, especially when balancing other responsibilities. Was it fair of the neighbors to demand accommodation, or should the rules have been more flexible? what do you think? share your thoughts below!