AITA for not giving my plus size friend the queen size bed in our b&b?

Every year, a close group of friends embarks on a much-anticipated vacation, and as tradition dictates, a randomized tool is used to assign bedroom choices fairly. This year, the process led to an unexpected rift when the order of selection meant that I ended up with the queen bed while my friend Marie—who happens to be plus-sized—received the fifth pick and was left with a twin bed in a shared room.

Although we all agreed beforehand to a system that also adjusted costs (twin bed occupants paying $75 less), Marie’s request for a switch has sparked more than just logistical complaints. It may seem like a minor detail, but this disagreement has quickly become a matter of principle. While I understand her discomfort at having to share a room, I believe that once we all consented to the randomized method, the outcome is final. After all, every one of us accepted the terms for the sake of fairness—even if the result isn’t ideal for everyone.

‘AITA for not giving my plus size friend the queen size bed in our b&b?’

Maintaining trust in group decisions is crucial for long-term relationships, whether among friends or within families. Renowned relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman once observed,

“Pre-established agreements are the backbone of trust; even if outcomes are less than perfect, honoring them is essential to preserving mutual respect.” In our situation, all of us agreed ahead of time to a random assignment system with built-in financial adjustments. This pre-set arrangement was our way to ensure fairness, so any request to change it after the fact undermines that collective agreement.

Moreover, it’s important to consider that the vacation was planned with the understanding that compromises would be part of the experience. The $75 discount for the twin-bed sharers was factored into the total cost, making the outcome financially transparent. While Marie’s feelings about sharing a room are valid, her request to move after the draw doesn’t align with the system everyone willingly entered. Pre-arranged systems are designed to avoid disputes and, by sticking to them, we uphold fairness and consistency.

Additionally, experts note that disagreements over agreed-upon methods often reflect deeper emotional discomfort. In this case, it appears Marie’s distress may be less about the bed size and more about the vulnerability of sharing a room—a situation she might have managed better by voicing her concerns before the random selection. Adhering to the established rules, though not perfect, is a critical part of keeping our vacation process impartial and free of favoritism.

Ultimately, while empathy is key in any relationship, so too is honoring collective decisions. Changing the arrangement after the fact sets a precedent that could lead to further complications in the future. By maintaining the integrity of our pre-arranged system, we ensure that fairness prevails, even if individual outcomes occasionally fall short of personal desires.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Overall, the majority of commenters agree that since we all agreed to the randomized method—and with the clear financial adjustment in place—Marie’s request is unreasonable. Many pointed out that if she had concerns about sharing a room or the bed size, she should have raised them before the selection. Some even noted that her issue seems more about her discomfort with sharing than the actual size of the bed. The consensus is that sticking to the pre-established system is the fairest course of action.

In the end, this vacation dilemma isn’t merely about bed sizes—it’s about upholding an agreed-upon process and the principles of fairness and transparency. While Marie’s discomfort is understandable, altering the arrangement after everyone has consented to the terms risks undermining our group’s trust. What do you think: should pre-set agreements be immutable, or is there room for flexibility when personal comfort is at stake? Have you ever been in a similar situation on a group trip? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.