AITA for not giving my daughter special treatment?

A Redditor, a first-grade teacher, is facing tension with her daughter, who works as a nanny for one of her students. Determined to avoid favoritism, the teacher has maintained professional boundaries, even refusing to give the child special treatment when he forgets his homework or needs something from home.

Recently, her daughter argued that it was unfair for her to drive a long distance to deliver forgotten homework when her mother could easily take it in.

However, the teacher insists on treating him like any other student, leaving her daughter feeling frustrated and unsupported. Read the full story below to decide whether the teacher’s actions were justified.

‘ AITA for not giving my daughter special treatment?’

I am a first grade teacher. My daughter, 21f, is a nanny to a little boy (6) in my class. I made sure she knew from the start that the boy she takes care of will not be getting any special treatment from me.

We’ve gotten into arguments about this before because I make the office call his parents, who then call her, instead of texting her directly when there is a problem which apparently caused him to miss lunch one day (he skipped music to eat later in the day).

The other day my daughter came home and said the boy forgot his homework in her car and asked if I could take it to work with me so he wouldn’t get in trouble for not turning in his work.

I told her no, she’ll have to drop it off at the school like everyone else and she started yelling at me that the school is 15 miles away (her school is only 3 miles from my work) and that she’ll have to leave the house 2 hours early to get the work to him in time.

I reminded her that I told her this boy won’t be getting special treatment just because she’s his nanny but she thinks I’m being heartless just to spite her and the kid. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Distinct-Ad-7592 −  YTA – I get no special treatment, but taking the homework with you when you’re home and driving to school? Why not? That’s a minor inconvenience nothing more

Ok_Media_0210 −  YTA . There’s a difference between special treatment and showing empathy to others. There’s literally no downside to you taking his homework and giving it to him but you know what’s an inconvenience, taking 2 hours out of your day just to drop off homework.

Your daughter is right, in this situation, you are not only being cold and inconsiderate to the boy but to your own daughter as well. Do something like this a few more times and your daughter wouldn’t even bother to interact with you at all.

sheramom4 −  INFO: Why is the kid in the office seemingly frequently and why is he missing lunch when his parents are called? The office can call the parents without him being there. Are you treating him more harshly than the other kids?

hauptj2 −  YTA. Some of this stuff sounds less like favoritism and more like being a decent person/working with your kids. What does it cost you to make the kid’s nanny the official point of contact for minor problems like a missed lunch?

Or taking the kid’s homework to a place you’re already going? You’ve drawn a pointless line in the sand that doesn’t help anybody and only serves to make life harder for your daughter and a 6 year old kid.

Clever_mudblood −  YTA. If a nanny showed up at the school to hand you the child’s homework they forgot in their car, would you take it?
The only difference here is that the nanny in question lives with you and asked you to skip the middle man (the school).

So instead of you both simultaneously driving to the same location so that she can now hand you the paper just to turn around and go back home and get ready and go to her own school, she’s asking to remove the extra step of going to the same place as you.

It just makes no logistical sense to me. Two cars driving to the exact same place from the exact same place when one is just dropping a piece of paper there and then have to double back and then drive more wasting both time and gas.

I would get it if she asked you to give the kid an A for C level work because he is her charge. That’s special treatment. Always giving him extra bonus points and not the other kids is special treatment. Giving him preferential tasks in class is special treatment.

Giving him extra snacks the other kids aren’t getting from you is special treatment. Transporting a piece of paper that your daughter has in her possession at YOUR house to the building the paper needs to go to because your daughter asked isn’t special treatment for the boy. It is for your daughter.

Because she’s your daughter. I can’t imagine my old teachers saying “Clever, I saw your nanny at the coffee shop before school this morning and she tried to give me your homework because you forgot it in the car but I’m not accepting it because you’re not handing it in yourself.

No special treatment.” Even the most strict teacher I had would have accepted it. Your daughter is just going to see this as her mother not helping her. Not caring for her.

HappeeHousewives82 −  First grade with homework sheets? Red flag. If my first grader forgot her homework I wouldn’t drive it there either. Because she’s like 6. Yes they have to learn but first grade homework is a joke.

It’s more for the parents than the kids. 6 year olds should be playing outside not doing homework. So the fact you assigned it but then wouldn’t take it says all I need to know.

MyMedsWoreOff −  INFO: If you got a call from a neighbor who’s child is at the other parents house, but the child left the homework at their house and they want to drop the homework off with you before you left for work, would you let them?

AdelleDeWitt −  YTA. I also teach elementary school and we are a village. We help out with each other’s kids and if this was my school your daughter’s nanny kid would be part of that village.

Also if any nanny of any kid was like hey here’s a thing that my kid forgot today, we just take it because why not? What benefit does not helping the kid have?

MrsEnvinyatar −  If she was a nanny for a boy at the school who was NOT in your class, and she needed to get that boys homework up to the school, would you have taken it for her or made her follow you up there and do it herself?

This isn’t about special treatment for the boy. It’s about refusing to do a favor for your daughter that would’ve benefitted the kid in no way (assuming she took it up there anyway), but would’ve helped out your daughter at no expense to you.

YogurtclosetOk134 −  You sound i**olerable. Not willing to connect and work with typical issues (forgetting work, etc) Do you resent your daughter for any reason?

Do you think the teacher was right to maintain strict boundaries, or was she too rigid in treating her daughter’s charge like any other student? How would you handle balancing family dynamics with professional responsibilities? Share your thoughts in the comments below!