AITA for not giving my brother the Christmas presents I was going to?
A Reddit user shares their frustration over their older brother’s lack of effort in giving gifts. Despite consistently receiving thoughtful presents from the user for both birthdays and Christmas, the brother never reciprocates and instead spends his money on himself or nights out. After years of this one-sided dynamic, the user decided to reassign the gifts they bought for their brother to their dad instead, sparking a debate about whether their actions were justified. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for not giving my brother the Christmas presents I was going to?’
My brother has never got me a birthday present. He doesn’t like to give presents but likes to receive them. He has the money but he would just rather spend it on himself. I have bought him birthday presents and Christmas presents every year. He’s older than me too.
These past few birthdays of mine where he hasn’t got me a present I’ve expected, but not only does he not get me a present – he acts mean towards me on my birthdays. However I still get him a birthday present regardless.
I know Christmas isn’t about presents but the fact that my brother has had money and was supposed to buy me and everyone presents but he never has done and spent it all on himself kind of made me want to not give him the presents I got him, since like I said I’m always giving him things and stuff but he never does it back.
I asked him if he had bought a Christmas present for me and he hadn’t, he hasn’t bought anyone in my family anything. Since he never does, I scribbled his name off the presents and put my dad’s name on them instead. He still wont buy us anything. It’s just the thought of doing it for us yet he would rather buy drinks and spend it on his friends at nights out. I don’t have a lot of money but I still manage to get something for everyone .. AITA?
Check out how the community responded:
LoveBeach8 − NTA. I just don’t understand why it took you so long to stop. Your brother sounds super selfish. I’m also surprised why your parents never told him that his selfish behavior had to stop. You don’t state your ages but if he has money to go out and drink, I’m guessing that he’s old enough to know better.
Treating you badly on your birthday is unacceptable. “Acting mean” is probably his way of deflection, hoping you’ll think he’s mad at you for some reason with it being your fault, leading you to believe that you don’t deserve a gift. At least, in his own mind..
ETA: Don’t scribble his name off of presents to give to your dad instead. It’ll make your dad feel like he’s second best, an afterthought. Instead, rewrap the gifts and put your dad’s name on them. Ignore your brother and don’t say anything about not getting him anything. Let him realize it on his own. THAT’S the best little reward!
LowBalance4404 − I would not cross through your brother’s name on the presents. Create a new tag and give it to your dad only if it’s something he would like. Otherwise, return the gifts. But no, NTA.
bean05059 − NTA. Rewrap/relabel the gifts for your Dad rather than scribble. When your brother asks where his presents are, simply ask, “Oh, so you brought presents to exchange this year? I took it from your lack of presents in previous years and your confirmation you’d bought none for anyone to mean you weren’t into exchanging.”
CommonNative − NTA. See, this is where I would make donations to MSF, Heifer International, Planned Parenthood, ACU, Southern Poverty Law Center….And give them the thank you card, saying you donated in their name ‘since they don’t like to give gifts’
holden4ever − NTA. “Where are my presents?”. “Where are ours?”. “???”. “Thought so.”
ElmLane62 − NTA. You NEED to not buy your brother a present, because your brother needs to learn that he isn’t the only person in the universe. Quit buying brother a darned thing.
YoshiKoshi − NTA. If he says anything about not receiving gifts tell him that he clearly doesn’t want to exchange gifts so you stopped buying him gifts. And put fresh tags on the gifts that are now going to your father.
Pure-Philosopher-175 − NTA. Bro has to learn to give in order to receive. He’s a selfish AH.
Gingernet2143 − NTA. Since he isn’t reciprocating, cut him off. He doesn’t deserve them.
ohmysun − NTA. Just stop buying him gifts altogether and move on. Not every relationship has to be a gift giving one.