AITA for not giving my brother money in his time of need?

A Redditor, an 18-year-old, shares their frustration about repeatedly lending money to their older brother and his wife, who have been asking for financial support for over a year and a half. Despite being in a dual-income household, the couple frequently asks for money, often without paying it back.

The Redditor has been helping, despite their own financial goals, but this time, when their brother asked for $40 for gas, they refused, feeling it was a consequence of their brother’s own choices. This led to accusations of selfishness and hurtful name-calling from the brother and his wife. Read the full story below to understand this complicated family dynamic.

‘ AITA for not giving my brother money in his time of need?’

An 18-year-old shared their frustration about a recurring financial issue with their older brother and his wife. The brother, 22, and his wife, 23, are a dual income household with two daughters under the age of two. Despite earning more weekly than the younger sibling, the couple has been asking for financial support for the past year and a half.

“I’ve given them money almost every time they’ve asked, even though they rarely pay me back,” the sibling explained. As a full-time worker still living at home to save for a house, they’ve managed to help their brother financially despite their own goals.

However, this time feels different. The brother has been calling out of work since last week and is now asking for $40 for gas for both of their vehicles. “I just can’t bring myself to do it this time because this is a hole he dug himself,” the sibling said.

When they and their older sister refused to help, the brother and his wife accused them of being selfish and called them names, which felt especially hurtful given the history of support.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

squigs −  NTA. You’re only 18. Sure, that’s technically adult but there’s a big difference between that and 22. You shouldn’t have to be supporting a married man. If he can’t support himself even after “loans” from his siblings, he needs to learn some budgeting skills.

WhereWeretheAdults −  NTA. You don’t have any money to spare. Any money you don’t spend should be going into your savings so you can move out. If you choose to share your hard earned money with your brother, that’s your decision, not his. The proper response is, “I’m sorry, I can’t afford it.” No explanations necessary.

Your brother has reached the position of entitlement. He has made his decisions in life, married with two children. He is now using you to avoid the consequences of those decisions. He feels entitled to your money because “reasons.” He is not entitled to your money. Instead of accepting this reality, he is now using guilt to manipulate you. That’s what entitled people do.

LightPhotographer −  Dear brother, I sent you XXX this year of which YY has never been repaid. You and your wife have better paying jobs than I. You borrow money that you don’t repay and when I refuse to give you free money, I am called ‘selfish’ and ‘a**hole’.

I deserve an apology, a very, very very big thanks and appreciation for the money lent. Repayment might be nice. And I most certainly will not be called ‘selfish’ or ‘a**hole’. Is this understood?

ABeerAndABook −  NTA.  Cut the mooches off and let them learn to budget with their own money.  It’s crazy they are making decent money and yet still try to shake down an 18 year old for cash.  

B3Gay_DoCr1mes −  NTA. I’m also seeing a lot of 🚩 for substance use by your brother

Awkward-Tourist979 −  It sounds like your brother and his wife are using drugs.

KaliTheBlaze −  NTA. When you play hooky from work, you have to live with not getting paid. He has chosen to get married and start a family young, and that means he doesn’t have the ability to pull the shenanigans some people do when they’re young adults but haven’t really become grownups yet. If he wanted to play i**ot games like these, he shouldn’t have signed himself up for such serioys responsibilities until he got that out of his system.

BrilliantEmphasis862 −  NTA – your brother needs to figure out his expenses. having 2 under 2 at 22 doesn’t help. That is a choice he and his wife made. now they can figure out how to make it work.

Tell him you won’t loan anything until all money is paid back. knowing you won’t loan again to him 😀 It is great that at 18 you have it together enough to help older siblings. Your future is bright OP.

StockCaterpillar7303 −  They’re on drugs 100%

Humble_Guidance_6942 −  NTA. His only response should be thanks for all your help. I understand. He’s made some seriously adult choices and he needs to do whatever he can for his family. He needs to work two jobs or work overtime. So does his wife. You have your own goals and ambitions that supporting  your brother is hindering.

Do you think the Redditor was right to set boundaries and stop lending money, or should they have continued helping their brother, given the history of support? How would you handle a situation where you’re repeatedly asked for money by family, especially when it feels like it’s being taken for granted?
Share your thoughts below!