AITA for not giving much attention to my asian parents while visiting me?

A Reddit user, 27, shared a dilemma about her feelings toward her parents and brother while living together in France. After moving out and finding a job, the user offered her brother a place to stay while he searched for work, which turned into years of living together. In addition, her parents visit frequently, staying for extended periods, and the small space is creating stress.

The user feels trapped and depressed by the situation, and is struggling with guilt for not giving more attention to her mom during their recent visit. Read the full story below for a deeper look into the situation.

‘ AITA for not giving much attention to my asian parents while visiting me?’

I (F27) am Asian and I moved out 7 years ago from my home country to pursue my studies in France. Five years ago my older brother finished his studies also in France and was starting to look for a job. At that time I was just getting settled I found a job and moved out in a new studio. To help my brother and my parents, I told them that he could come live with me for a few months until he finds a job.

He had a hard time to find a job, so you know months have passed until it turned to years. The first few years were hard for me as I was going through a rough patch and having my brother next to me all the time didn’t help. But as time has passed I accepted this situation cause I was feeling really bad for him. He tried to find a job for years but couldn’t and it really impacted his mental health.

At the same time my parents would come visit us three times a year and would stay for like a month and a half eachtime. So you can imagine living in a very small space with four people is really not easy. Sometimes I feel like I am going to lose my mind because of this situation. My mom is very attached to us, and my dad use to be a**sive towards her. He stopped, but he is still verbally a**sive towards her sometimes. So, staying with them is not always pleasant.

My parents specifically my mom was always very supportive and I came to France thanks to them I would definitely not be here if not for them. But this situation is making me miserable and Im feeling really depressed. I haven’t spoke to them since they came yesterday, I spent most of my time on the phone. I really feel guilty and selfish though cause I feel like I am abandoning my mom by feeling like this. Am I the a**hole?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

I_am_wood_dog −  NTA ! You are suffering from cultural/generational oppressions/impositions inherent in a lot of if not most Asian cultures. You might want to talk to a counsellor to get some support to deal with the abuse you are going through ! You are NOT your brothers mother, and you are also not your parents parent with an obligation to live with them 5/6 months a year ! It can be very depressing for sure.

Please talk to someone and and get some help on defining and enforcing some boundaries ! For starters, your brother HAVE TO find a job in OR move out say in three months ! You are being used/abused !

CatOutrageous9135 −  NTA. Inflicting yourself as a guest for a month without being explicitly invited is just rude. On top of that, even if you are invited, when you are a guest in someone’s home, you should always take care not to force your presence constantly on your host.

oop_norf −  INFO – who’s place is this? Is it yours? Can you, at least theoretically, just chuck everyone out?