AITA for not giving away my child’s rare backpack?
A Redditor shares a family conflict that arose after their sister demanded one of their daughter’s rare, discontinued backpacks as a gift for her boyfriend’s daughter, whom they’ve never met.
The Redditor explains how their daughter has a large collection of beloved backpacks she shares on social media, and giving one away—especially such a sentimental piece—was out of the question. However, the sister insists and even suggests including her boyfriend’s daughter in the popular TikTok account. Read on for the full story:
‘AITA for not giving away my child’s rare backpack?’
Expert Opinions:
Respecting Children’s Ownership and Autonomy
Dr. Robyn Silverman, child development specialist and author of How to Talk to Kids About Anything, stresses the importance of honoring a child’s possessions: “When adults dismiss a child’s attachment to their belongings, it undermines their sense of agency.
The backpack represents more than an object—it’s tied to her identity and passion.” A 2022 study in Journal of Child and Family Studies found that children who feel ownership over their possessions develop stronger decision-making skills and self-esteem.
Navigating Family Entitlement and Financial Boundaries
Financial therapist Amanda Clayman highlights the risks of enabling entitlement: “The aunt’s demand reflects a pattern of conflating wants with needs. By refusing to subsidize non-essential requests, the mother models healthy financial boundaries.” Clayman’s work with families emphasizes that “gifts should never come with strings attached, especially when they involve another person’s property.”
Social Media’s Role in Family Conflict
Dr. Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise, warns about the pressures of “sharenting” and child influencers: “When a child’s hobby becomes public-facing, relatives may see it as a communal asset. Parents must protect their child’s digital space from external demands.” A 2023 report by Common Sense Media notes that 1 in 4 teen content creators face pressure from family or friends to share their platform.
Solutions Proposed by Experts:
- Affirm the Child’s Rights: Dr. Silverman advises parents to openly support their child’s ownership, reinforcing that their belongings (and social media presence) are not communal property.
- Set Clear Financial Boundaries: Clayman recommends framing offers (like splitting costs) as acts of generosity, not obligations, to avoid resentment.
- Educate Relatives on Digital Boundaries: Dr. Heitner suggests creating family guidelines about social media expectations to prevent future conflicts.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Reddit commenters overwhelmingly sided with the mother, praising her for respecting her daughter’s autonomy and calling the aunt’s demands “entitled.” Many criticized Stevie for weaponizing social media, while others noted the irony of labeling the mother “bougie” while demanding a $500 bag. A minority argued the mother could have compromised by helping Zoey find a similar bag.
This clash highlights the tension between family loyalty and personal boundaries. While Stevie framed the mother’s refusal as selfish, experts and readers alike applaud her for prioritizing her daughter’s rights over appeasing unreasonable demands.
The situation begs the question: When does “helping family” cross into enabling entitlement? What do you think? Should parents ever override a child’s wishes to fulfill a relative’s request? How would you handle a similar demand?
I think you are a good person to even suggest you would split the cost for someone you never meet your a better person then me.Thanks for not fgiving into pressure and respecting your daughter.
If the backpack is that valuable has it dawned on you your sister may just want it to cash in on your child’s collectable?
OP needs to talk to her daughter, to head off any subterfuge. “Oh, honey, you mom said you should give this one to a girl you never met. I’ll take it now.” Make sure she knows that’s absolutely not the case.
Well, it’s called a collection and a passion. Good for your daughter. As far as your sister she seems to have some traits in common with the female canine species. Let her rant, rational people will see her for what she is, irrational people you don’t need around you, like her! Good luck I wish you well.
NTA- It is ridiculous to make such demands especially since you both have never met the child, who is to say she doesn’t want the bag to turn around and try to sell it for more money? Your daughter has every right to keep her things, the bags/ TikTok for herself why would she need to share it with anyone. If your sister wants to get a bag so bad she can work to purchase it for the kid herself. Don’t feel bad for standing up for your baby and her property.
I think the sister wants the bag not to give to her bf’s daughter but to sell and get the $. It’s just too big of a “coincidence” that the specific one the girl wants is worth so much on ebay.
Parents have no right to dispose their kids property without their permission. I am a senior and I have memorabilias that I don’t want to dispose also. We all have our own eccentricities and as long as we are not harming anyone , it is nobody’s business , family or whoever’
Give me the $250 you were going to give your sis. I’ll use it for my students whose parents can’t afford a school backpack for them.
You were right not to give your daughters belongs away. This girl is a stranger! Furthermore, should you’re sister be at your house, I would make sure all the backpacks are secured from “walking off”.
I think the sister wants it so she can sell it. NTA
Who do people think they are! ? Your sister is Not being a Realist* Her & Zoey’s Dad could Call it Quits & That’s the End of It All… The Heck with them… Collectibles are Just That* Valuable $$$ Tell your Sister to Get a Job !!!!!!