AITA for not getting my niece a “fun” birthday gift?

A Reddit user (25F) recounts how her attempt to buy meaningful birthday gifts for her nieces and nephew didn’t go as planned, especially with her older niece (14F). While her younger niece and nephew were thrilled with their toys, her eldest niece was disappointed and upset upon receiving a space encyclopedia — a nod to an old interest she’d outgrown.

Despite her niece’s tearful reaction, the Reddit user and her family believe the gift should be appreciated, but she’s left wondering if she missed the mark. Read the story below.

‘ AITA for not getting my niece a “fun” birthday gift?’

I (25F) have two nieces and one nephew from my sister (40F). My oldest niece and nephew are twins (14), my younger niece is 6 years old. They’re all great kids, and I’ve sort of been like an older sister to them since there’s a huge age gap between me and my older sister.

The twins had their birthday last week, and I brought presents for all of them, yes even the 6 year old cause she’s very young and I don’t want her to feel left out. However the gift giving didn’t go as well as planned.

My nephew loved Hotwheels when he was younger, my youngest niece has always been asking for a barbie doll, so they were easy people to buy presents for. I got my nephew a remote control car, my younger niece a barbie doll. My oldest niece however was a bit of a wildcard.

She never had any stereotypical girly interests as a young girl, she was already pretty shy and liked keeping to herself around guests or people she didn’t know that well. I know she liked watching space documentaries once upon a time but that seemed so long ago and I don’t think she watches it anymore.

At the time of buying my mind was blank and that was my only kind of reference for her interests. So I got her a space encyclopedia. When I gave the gifts, my oldest niece was disappointed, she started saying that her present is not as fun as the ones her siblings got.

The twins had some of their friends over at their party and after they left my niece ran to her room, crying about how humiliated she was, and how unfair that her twin brother got a fun present and she got a boring book to study with that made her look like a nerd, and even her younger sister got a better present and it wasn’t even her birthday.

Her parents got really angry with her throwing a tantrum and told her to appreciate the things she was given and to not make me feel bad. I really tried to be the bigger person and told her that I remembered how she liked space documentaries and that was why I got it for her, and then she screamed at me saying that she did that when she was “freaking 10” (her words) and that she’s a teenager now and she doesn’t like that anymore.

I said “well you don’t have to be so ungrateful about it, that encyclopedia I got you was nearly 300 bucks. Its not like its not useful.” My sis and BIL said the same thing but she was miserable. Its been a week and I don’t know what else I could have done. I didnt want to have to go and ask about a bday gift that was meant to be a surprise, I didnt think she’d take it this badly. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

DragonCelica −  I.N.F.O Why in the world would you spend $300 on a gift you weren’t certain she wanted? Did you at least give her a gift receipt? Did the nephews present also cost $300? Finally, why didn’t you just ask her parents?! YTA

Edit after answers: Most likely, your niece is both hurt and embarrassed. It probably hurt to see her aunt didn’t know her. She also might have felt like you didn’t think she mattered enough to find out what she does like these days.

If you’re the “cool aunt,” she might feel like you think she’s a “nerd,” when she wants to be seen differently by someone like you. If her friends view you as her “cool aunt” too, they might think that as well. Seeing her brother get something fun might have made it hit even harder.

Kids can be brutal, so it’s possible your niece is worried she’ll be mocked. Take the opportunity to turn this into a positive. Tell her you’re sorry you hadn’t realized she wasn’t into space anymore, and you never wanted to embarrass her.

A genuine acknowledgement like that from an adult can make a big difference down the line. Ask her what she’d like to get instead (after returning the encyclopedia) and ask her to tell you about it. She might like to go somewhere and do something instead, too.

[Reddit User] −  YTA. Pretty easy to ASK what someone might want. It’s the thought that counts, and you didn’t put any into this. Also TA for getting youngest niece a gift.

Longjumping-Lab-1916 −  You gave a 14yo girl an encyclopedia? Yeah that’s a fail. I mean who even uses an encyclopedia anymore?  Ever heard of the internet? She didn’t react well and that’s probably because she’s a 14yo girl..

Can you return it? She’d probably love the $300 to spend on clothes and makeup. A gift card, while somewhat impersonal, usually works well at this age. NTA because you meant well but rather than leaving her stuck with a large book shd doesnt want, please return it and let her get something else.

Both_Pound6814 −  Why would you get the 6 year old a gift on someone else’s birthday? She’s old enough to know she won’t get one since it’s not her birthday. If she was 2, ok but she’s not

toxicredox −  INFO: Why didn’t you ask her parents about her possible interests/gift ideas?

Lithogiraffe −  At first, a tantrum sounded so annoying and overreacting for 14-year-old, but… A space encyclopedia? Sorry, but YTA. I’ve never heard of such a gift fail for a kid like that. This isn’t 1990

hadMcDofordinner −  YTA She didn’t need to get so upset but your gift was not appropriate. You should have asked her parents for ideas of what to get her.
You gave a toy to one and (unwanted) books to the other. Come on..

Make it up to her and ask her if there is anything she has been wanting. (Don’t spend a fortune, of course.) Tell her send the books back/send the books back – use the money for get her something. she wants.

AnotherCloudHere −  My grandma once did something similar. I just turned eight and she got me a bucket and a small washing bowl. She also got a separate normal toy for my younger brother. On my birthday, because she worried that he will be sad.. I still remember it

Frenchie_1987 −  $300 on a gift you were not sure she wanted… I dont understand the thought process here