AITA for not getting my Ex, who I’m trying to remain friends with, a baby shower gift?

A man (32) reflects on his past relationship with a woman (26) where they shared deep feelings but ultimately broke up. Despite their amicable split and his attempt to remain friends, she quickly moved on and is now having a baby with someone else.

When she sends him a baby shower registry, he feels uncomfortable and declines to send a gift, partly due to his own financial struggles and lingering feelings. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not getting my Ex, who I’m trying to remain friends with, a baby shower gift? ‘

Two years ago I (M32) dated someone (F26). It started casual at first and we mutually agreed it was just a fling. Over time we bonded and it got serious enough that we became exclusive. We never put a title on it due to lingering doubts on both parties. That being said we really, really loved each other.

A year later her feelings deepened but I still had doubts and decided it was best not to pursue the relationship further. We split. It wasn’t mutual, but it was amicable. We decided to attempt to stay friends. Note: this is NOT my norm. Once we’re done, we’re done.

But in my big age and since she treated me really well, I decided to try. I explained to her how hard that was for me and that we’d have to ease into it. A month later she began dating someone else, a month after that he moved in, a month after that they’re Engaged!!

I’ll tell you this, I was not ready to cope with all the news. Nevertheless, I fought my natural jealous instincts and remained platonic with her. I’ll skip the part where I made a move on her a few months later (I’m really embarrassed about it). Even through that we kept the friendship.

New Year’s Eve she calls me and tells me she’s pregnant with his kid. I held it together. I didn’t feel I had the right to comment; couples have kids. Today … she sends the baby shower registry! And I can’t. A year ago at this time we were still together!! AITA for not sending her a baby shower gift?

I didn’t even bring up the fact that I got laid off or that I was struggling financially even before the lay off. I just told her (respectfully) that I don’t think it’s something I can do. Between us here, I can’t bring myself to send a gift to my Ex and her New guy for Their baby. AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

wittyidiot −  Etiquette-wise, gifts are only expected if you’re attending a physical shower. You don’t get to just mail out an Amazon wishlist and expect everyone to buy you s**t. So skip the party and beg off from the gift, and your manners obligations are fullfilled.

NTA. That said, it’s awfully weird that **you dumped her** and are still struggling with jealousy. That’s not an a**hole thing, that needs therapy and introspection.

jrm1102 −  YTA – get her a gift or dont. But you broke up with her. You really dont get to do this jealous heartbreak schtick when you dumped her.

Fluid_Lengthiness_98 −  YTA. Not for the gift but for being a salty jealous ex. You broke up the relationship. She has the right to move one, get married, have kids in a span of a few months if she wants you. “I held it together” DUDE YOU BROKE UP WITH HER.. Edit: spelling

UnluckyCountry2784 −  Never mind the baby shower gift. You’re not obligated to give anything. But in general, your TA. For dumping her then tried to make a move on her when she’s already with someone else.

LadyKnightAngie −  NTA for not buying a gift. YTA for dumping her even though you claimed to love her, because you “had doubts” aka so you could go out and make absolutely sure that there weren’t any other girls you were more into, and then being jealous she didn’t wait for you.

Hadtosignuptofothis −  YTA, not for not buying the gift but for being salty that she moved on and isn’t still pining for you after YOU DUMPED HER. This is your ego talking, buy a gift don’t buy a gift whatever

Bootiebloot −  It sounds like it’s time to end the friendship. it doesn’t really sound like you’re capable of being involved platonically. NAH. You tried. She tried. It just doesn’t seem right.

[Reddit User] −  You have some pretty bad commitment issues. Move on mate.

Extreme_Mixture_8702 −  So when you were 30 you were having a fling with a 24 year old and once she developed feelings for you, you broke up with her but said you wanted to remain friends…and when she sends you a link to her baby registry, as she probably did all of her friends, you got upset?

NTA for not sending her a gift, but yta for dating and being less mature than someone without a full formed frontal lobe.

marilynmansonfuckme −  Sorry, but YTA. Either be friends with her and do normal friend things like getting her a baby shower gift, or make the understandable decision to not be friends with her.

Is he justified in not wanting to participate in the celebration for his ex and her new family? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!