AITA for not fulfilling a foster kid’s wishlist?

A Reddit user shares their dilemma about fulfilling a foster child’s Christmas wishlist. The wishlist included a $60 pair of jeans and $200 sneakers, but due to financial constraints, the user was only able to afford the jeans. The child was disappointed when they received the jeans alone, and the user is questioning if they were wrong for not fulfilling the entire list. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for not fulfilling a foster kid’s wishlist?’

I recently had the chance to fulfill a Christmas wishlist for a foster child. The list had two items: a $60 pair of jeans and $200ish sneakers. Unfortunately, due to financial constraints, I wasn’t able to get both items, so I decided to buy the jeans they requested.

However, after the child received the gift, I found out that they were really disappointed because it wasn’t the entire outfit they had hoped for. I tried my best with what I could afford, and I chose the jeans because I thought it was better for them to get something from the list, even if it wasn’t everything.

There’s more to the story, but for privacy reasons, I want to keep things anonymous. The list wasn’t being picked by other volunteers, and I wanted to make sure the child didn’t go without a gift at all.

So, AITA for not fulfilling the entire wishlist?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

DesertSong-LaLa −  INFO: What agency approves a gift list with two items of $60 and $200. This is a flawed system. Yes, the kid will be disappointed but if realistic expectations were set from the beginning ‘we’ would not be here. If you had the option to inform staff/case manager that only 1 of 2 gifts would be purchased and you chose not to, you added to this problem and disappointment.

sheramom4 −  NAH. That being said, adding something else is always a good idea. I mean, what kid wants a pair of jeans for Christmas and just a pair of jeans? Ultimately this is on the agency for not ensuring the child made reasonable requests in terms of the shoes as it was unlikely they would get the shoes. But adding something cool to the jeans just makes the kid feel extra special. The kid is not TA for being disappointed. Of course the kid was disappointed.

Nrysis −  INFO. What was the expectation here in terms of money? If you picked the tag that said ‘$250 gift’ and then spent $60, that would make you an a**hole for ignoring the rules of the system. If you took part expecting to be given $50 gift lists, then it would seem reasonable to skip the gifts that were way over budget.

If there was no mention of budget, then you should have spoken to the people running the exchange for their opinion regarding the fact that the requested budget was far more than you could afford, and ask whether they would prefer you to pick a different recipient within budget, or provide what you were able to.

nowaynohowanyway −  Did you donate money or did you go buy the actual preferred jeans in the correct size? I’ll give you my hometowns version of this and that’s Clark Howard’s Christmas Kids. Clark had a deal where every foster kid in my state gets to request 3 gifts- a $100, a$50, and a $25 gift.

When you go on the website, you can select male or female, age, and county in the state but you donate money to the website, theoretically for that kid, but it goes into a big pot and they buy the gifts for all the kids with the donation money. This also keeps the privacy of underage children. That’s how these things should be done. The fact that a child was disappointed and someone let that news get back to you is not normal.

StAlvis −  NTA. They are very disappointed that it is not **an entire outfit**.. *Neither* is jeans + sneakers!

YuansMoon −  Is the expectation that if you take a wish list that you’ll fulfill it? Was it reasonable for the child to think it would be fulfilled if selected?

hadMcDofordinner −  I don’t see anything wrong with a nice pair of jeans. If the child is disappointed, well, that’s not your problem,. you did what you could. Tbh, I think whoever told you that the child was disappointed is the AH in this situation. What good did it do to make you feel bad? That was not very professional of the organization to let that kind of. information filter out to you.. NTA.

Loud_Ad_6871 −  NTA. I sponsor a family every year on Christmas. This year there is still 6 families left on the list and the wishlists include things like lap tops, gaming systems, and bikes. It’s not reasonable for most people to have the extra money for those items right now. The organization made a post today about a parent on the list sending them angry messages that he kid hadn’t been sponsored yet. But this is why.

perfectpomelo3 −  NTA. I’ve stopped doing the angel trees for kids due to wishlists like that- and the ones where the gifts were obviously for the parents because toddlers don’t need video game systems and and expensive perfume. I try to donate to local animal shelters and to angel trees for the elderly.

effinnxrighttt −  NAH. Based on your comments, I feel like the only AH here is the organization who didn’t do this properly. Only 2 expensive items on the list? No info on if you should go off it? No other info about the kid so you could maybe add in a tee shirt with their favorite thing on it or in their favorite color?

With the plethora of general social media content involving toys for tots, the angel tree and other various ways to help those who need it during the holidays I have to say that someone needs to place restrictions on the lists. Like a single item cannot exceed $50, total wishlist value cannot exceed $200 or something. Not that kids whose parents can’t afford it don’t deserve to have nice things and iPads or tablets like other kids but when you rely on the kindness of strangers, it’s better to get more needs met than none.