AITA for not forgiving my little sister for wearing my dress?

A Redditor is struggling with whether to forgive her nine-year-old sister for wearing her cherished baptism dress, which she had explicitly asked her sister not to wear. After discovering the dress during their room swap, the little sister insisted on trying it on and quickly changed into it without permission.

The older sister’s frustration escalated when her sister wore the dress, leading to a heated confrontation. Now, with her mother urging her to forgive, the older sister feels conflicted about holding her sister accountable for repeatedly crossing boundaries. Read the original story below to get the full picture of this family conflict.

‘ AITA for not forgiving my little sister for wearing my dress?’

TL;DR: My sister wore a special dress of mine (that I could no longer wear) and only apologized when she knew how special it was to me, even though I had asked her not to wear it.

My little sister (age 9) and I (19) recently started moving rooms. As I was moving into my new room, my old room (little sister’s new room) wasn’t quite empty yet as she started to move in, mostly in my closet. While I was emptying the closet, she found my baptism dress.

Now, I am very religious. I was baptized when I was 8, and the dress no longer fit me. In fact, little sister was also getting baptized a few years ago and the dress fit her then, but I requested she didn’t wear it because, well, it’s mine. I only wore it the week I got baptized. I would only ever want my daughter to wear it, if I ever have a daughter.

Now, she asked to wear it. I said no. She got upset, and said that the dress didn’t even fit me. She also said that she would look so cute in it. I said no again, that the dress was mine and I didn’t want her wearing it. She got mad and left the room. I still had things to put away in my room, so I grabbed the rest of my books and went to my new room. A few minutes later, I heard her knock the door.

I looked over and when she opened the door, she was wearing the dress!!! This wasn’t even that long later- she must have instantly put it on once I left the room because of how quick she knocked on the door. She started twirling around and said, “See? I look cute!”

I must admit, (although I don’t want to) I SCREAMED at her to take it off now. She seemed surprised and said “Why?” I screamed “That’s my baptism dress, I didn’t want you wearing it!!!”

She immediately took it off and gave it back to me. She apologized and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was your baptism dress.” I told her it didn’t matter, I didn’t accept her apology, and that she shouldn’t have worn it anyway. She got mad again and huffed that I should have told her and if I had told her she wouldn’t have worn it.

Now she got mad and started crying and went to our mom. Mom told me to forgive her because while it happened, it wouldn’t happen again, and there was no point to causing contention in the household. I get that, and I believe that we need to turn the other cheek and such, but I also believe that see needs to be held accountable, because she does these things frequently.

I will leave things on the table and find them messed with, used, or broken. When I confront her, she says that I shouldn’t have left them on the table, which is what our parents say. (though they do tell her not to mess with them, but she receives no punishment)

I tried to tell her the reason I’m not forgiving her isn’t because she wore the dress exactly, but because she over stepped a boundary I had previously set and that while she says she’s constantly sorry, she always does it again and again. So, AITA and holding a pointless grudge?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

pleaselovememost −  Look… you’re young, and your sister is even younger. I know how it feels to have a large age gap and to be the older one feeling like UGHHH, my younger sister neveeer gets in trouble for things.

Please remember that she’s nine. She’s still a little kid, and she very mostly likely wanted to put on the dress BECAUSE it was yours.
Little sisters look up to their big sisters, and the fact that she came out seeking your approval and wanting compliments from YOU….. tells me she most likely wanted to connect with you.

Did she go about it the wrong way? Yes! Is she a kid that will make many stupid decisions and mistakes? Yes!
You’re 19, a legal adult, and maaaybe instead of screaming at your baby sister, you can model to her a mature response and sit her down and explain why it’s so special to you.

Tell her you appreciate her being interested in you and that you guys can do something special together as a compromise.
Maybe go for a little sister shopping date and help her pick out a dress just to scratch that sister idol spot for her.

I know you may read this and scoff and roll your eyes. I know I would’ve. But I really hope that you can see past the anger and see the avenue of potential connection between you two.. From one older sister to another.

It’s HARD! They’re annoying, bratty, and yet you wouldn’t trade them for anything. Just remember, they only stay young for so long, and before long, you’ll be regretting the moments you pushed them away.. NAH.

gmagick −  Yta. Your sister was wrong. You have a right to be upset. But you sound every immature at 19 to be this raging over a dress that wasn’t ruined and a 9 year old who is yes, still learning impulse control. Tell her you are upset with her for wearing it, explain no means no, and move on. This is not an unforgivable act – and that’s what makes you the a**hole.

Teaching-Soft −  YTA. I mean for one she’s literally nine years old. It’s a child, you’re an adult are you going to hold this over her for the rest of her life? On top of that, I’m not religious but I’m pretty sure Christianity teaches forgiveness no?

photosbeersandteach −  ESH. No means no, it doesn’t matter the reason, it’s your dress and you told your sister no.
But you’re the AH for screaming at a child.

rapt2right −  Sweetheart, this is going to sound condescending and maybe even smarmy but I promise I am sincere….
What does your faith teach you about a moment like this?

It’s completely normal to be annoyed by your baby sister disrespecting your known wishes and it’s normal to feel like you shouldn’t have to explain, the fact that it’s yours and you said ‘no’ should be enough….and it should. You aren’t wrong. At all.

But what about turning the other cheek? Walking the extra mile? Aren’t patience, forgiveness and grace supposed to be what you’re striving for ? Don’t you think it’s a little ironic that all this anger is about your *baptismal* dress?

Let go of your anger and have a sincere heart to heart with your sister about privacy and respect for each other’s belongings. Make this a moment for your sister to learn something that will help her as she grows up instead of just learning what makes you mad. She’s only 9, she is old enough to learn but not old enough that she doesn’t need guidance and reminders.

willikersmister −  NTA. It literally doesn’t matter at all why you didn’t want her to wear the dress. You told her no and she deliberately went against that. Kids need to learn to respect boundaries, and your parents are doing a pretty bad job of teaching her how to do that.

Are there privileges that you can take away from her for a while? Like things you enjoy doing together or something of yours she likes to do? If so, take that away for an appropriate amount of time, maybe two weeks depending on the frequency. And do that every time she gets into your stuff or disrespects your boundaries.

Your parents have taught her to be completely e**itled and put the blame on you for giving her access to things, which is really unfortunate for everyone.

gifhyatt −  You over reacted by yelling at her, but I read a few comments and don’t understand the responses.
Yes she is 9 but she should know by now not to mess with things that aren’t hers. And she definitely should know what the word no means.

I’ve read where people said a 4 year old should know not to stick his hand in a cake. Surely a 9 year old should know not to mess with stuff that isn’t theirs. She shouldn’t have needed to be told why you didn’t want her to wear your dress. No should have been enough for her to leave it alone.

Just because your stuff is laying on a table doesn’t mean she should mess with it and especially not break it. I guess I’m in the minority here but she should have better manners at 9.

Accomplished-Board72 −  NTA. Your sister did it, knowing your parents are full of hot air. She does seem to get consequences to her actions. Your parents should be disciplining your sister appropriately for what she did and follow through.

Discipline her every time she breaks a rule. Your sister k is she rules the roost. But your anger here should be directed more at your parents who are teaching your younger sister this behavior is OK.

Sweet_Justice_ −  YTA. It’s a dress, she was in it for a couple of minutes AND she’s only 9 years old. GET OVER IT. If it was your adult sister trying on your wedding dress, different story. This is just ridiculous. Grow up.

LastShopontheLeft −  INFO: Do you often react disproportionately to situations?