AITA For Not Forgiving My Husband (26m) For A Mistake And Not Trusting Him With Our Child?

A Reddit user shared a heartbreaking story about her husband accusing her of infidelity after their baby was born with darker skin than expected. He spread the accusations to family and friends, destroyed her belongings, and refused to see their child.

After a paternity test confirmed he was the father and a family ancestry revelation explained the baby’s appearance, he and others apologized. However, the emotional damage from his actions and racist remarks has made her question whether she can forgive him or trust him with their daughter. Curious to learn more about this emotional dilemma? Read the full story below!

‘ AITA For Not Forgiving My Husband (26m) For A Mistake And Not Trusting Him With Our Child?’

I (24f) gave birth to my daughter six months ago and it should’ve been the happiest moment in my life. When my daughter was born her skin was very dark and looked like she could have two biological parents who were of African descendent.

My husband Jim (26m), fake name, was furious and accused me of cheating and left right then and there. He told everyone on both sides of the family what happened, made posts on social media and wanted a divorce. His family and a lot of our friend all called to say how upset they were at me and called me really n**ty names.

My mother was by my side the entire time and I kept professing my innocence. Jim refused to pick me up from the hospital, threw my stuff out on the lawn and changed the locks, so I had to stay with my parents. When my sister called to ask for the baby stuff Jim texted me pictures of the bare nursery room and said he got rid of everything.

He even destroyed my Art studio, I like to paint, and the art I made and told me my work would be too awful to sell. I was distraught and tried to focus on my baby. Weeks went by and Jim refused to speak to me directly and has never once asked about our child. Eventually he agreed to do a paternity and he was 100% the father.

No one could believe the results and it was done again, Jim’s the dad. Around that same time one of Jim’s cousins did the Ancestry thing and there was around 30% of African ancestry in the family.

This combined with the test Jim paternal great-grandmother admitted to having an affair around the time Jim’s grandfather was born and was because he could pass she just assumed her husband was the father.

Since then Jim has been reaching out and everyone has come to apologize, and while it did feel good to feel vindicated the damage has been done. I can’t un-hear or unsee all the horrible things that was said and done. Not just to me but to my child as well. Jim made some very r**ist remarks.

Things that I thought he’d never say and he did it so easily. Regardless of what our daughter looks like I don’t want her to be around that. What else will Jim and his family say or do the next time they get mad? How are they going to treat our daughter when she does something that upsets them?

Jim has been begging for forgiveness. I said I needed time, he asked to see the baby and I let him but I’m too afraid to physically hand her to him. He’s repairing the the nursery and keeps asking me what I would like and I cry every time saying we already had what I liked and some of the items that we had can’t be replaced.

He asked me if I still loved him and I admitted that he showed me his worst self and I don’t know if I could live with that image. I didn’t mean to be hurtful but it’s how I feel.

My sister suggested Couple’s Therapy but I don’t feel like I should have to work to fix something that I didn’t break. I’ve never cheated and have been 100% innocent in all of this the whole. AITA for not wanting to give Jim a second chance?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

kindcrow −  This is like the plot to Kate Chopin’s story, “Desiree’s Baby.”

Male_strom −  ‘If you can’t handle him at his worst, you don’t deserve him at his best’

TheBrassDancer −  So Jim destroys your stuff, denies you access to your own home, abandons his own child, and engages in r**ist discourse, yet he thinks he deserves a second chance? He made his bed and he can lay in it. NTA. This is a man who has behaved so callously beyond comprehension. He doesn’t deserve to be trusted around your child.

AllaireSophia18 −  NTA. Jim showed you not only that he’s a r**ist, but that when presented with a challenge, he not only can’t handle it, he goes out of his way to be vindictive and cruel. This won’t be the only time marriage is a challenge. Don’t set yourself and your daughter up for a lifetime of cruelty when he can’t handle life. You both deserve *way* better than that.

Sam_Storci99 −  Even i know of a White couple with 3 black children, 3 black children. All 3 of them are very talented musicians too!

KrazyKatz3 −  NTA. Oh my god, I don’t know how much of this could be tolerable if the paternity test came back saying he wasn’t the father… He had absolutely no evidence and just assumed based on the skin of a baby that you cheated and followed it up with r**ist comments about you, your family and your daughter?

Honestly destroying your art studio and nursery and the r**ist comments from him and his family couldn’t be tolerated in any scenario. Let’s look at the positives. It sounds like you’ve got a caring supportive family around you and a new baby you love very much, protecting her from him means you’re already being a great mother. Focus on the positive things in your life right now. That’s what you need.

surrounded-by-morons −  NTA but you need to think very carefully if you want to be with this man. He showed his true colors and he doesn’t come out looking like a good person. I’d personally d**p his deadweight and focus on my child that he called a n****r.

Babylon_Dreams −  NTA. Never forgive him and never take him back. A sane and rational person would have done the paternity test first and in the case they weren’t the parent, then initiate a divorce.

Throwing a huge fit, and attacking your reputation, destroying your property, kicking you out, and above ALL that saying r**ist things to you are not “mistakes”. This man and his family are trash and shouldn’t be in your life.

thrilling_me_softly −  Nta. Divorce and legally protect your child from thus abusive rapist. I wouldn’t let that man near me or my child again.

yumenightfire27 −  I can’t even articulate how this whole situation makes me feel. I don’t think there is ANYTHING wrong with any way you have behaved in this situation. He crossed so many lines… My heart is absolutely breaking for you 💔 I would NOT even bother with couples therapy, there’s nothing left to repair.

He has shown you his true self and no one should have to live with that monster. I do however want to echo the advice of others here and recommend solo therapy. He likely did more psychological damage than you realize. I hope you and your daughter find nothing but love light and happiness in your lives moving forward. NTA

Should the user forgive her husband for his actions, or is the damage too severe to repair? How do you rebuild trust when someone shows you their worst side? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!