AITA for not forgiving my brother’s girlfriend ?

A woman recounts a conflict with her brother’s girlfriend from two years ago, when the girlfriend refused to let her stay at their home for a week during a visit abroad. The woman had already bought non-refundable tickets based on her brother’s earlier approval.

Feeling unsupported by her brother, she had to rely on her parents to fund a hotel stay, leading to lingering resentment. Recently, the girlfriend sent a casual apology, but the woman feels it lacks sincerity and struggles to forgive. Her mother urges her to let go of the grudge for the sake of family harmony. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not forgiving my brother’s girlfriend ?’

So almost two years ago I (32, f) was planning to make a visit to brothers (22) place, and I said him that I will be staying for a 4-5 days or so. But later plans changed and I eventually was forced to stay for a week. My brother lives in a different country,

and my parents really wanted to me to go there and see him (I wanted too obviously, but the idea was my parents). So I told my bro that I will be staying for a week. He said ok, no problem. This was before I bought plane tickets (two months prior to the visit).

I bought tickets the following evening and everything seems to be fine. Next morning I got the strange text for my brother’s GF saying that she doesn’t want me to stay in their house. I was very surprised because my brother said it will be ok. She said that she would be fine if I stay for a 4 days, not the whole week.

So basically she forbids me to stay at their place. I was very angry and confused with the situation, text my brother, he said there’s nothing he could do about it. The problem is I didn’t have enough money for a hotel for a whole week in another country (I wouldn’t go if I have to stay in a hotel).

And the tickets were non refundable. I told my mom about it and she was very upset. My parents ended up giving me the money for the trip (I give them money back eventually). So I went to see my brother, we talked, he apologised many times, said that it was somehow his fault.

His GF never texted me again, not apologising for anything. Anyway I had a good time and I’m never mentioned his GF ever again. Couple of days ago his GF texted me out of the blue, mildly apologising. After almost two years. They’re gonna move back to our country soon, and I thought she decided to make things clear with me.

My brother sad that she was really sorry but the text was really casual and I don’t think she even cares. I don’t know exactly why, but I simply can’t forgive her. Turns out it really bothers me to this day. And I am still holding grudges. My mom says I have to forgive her for my brother’s sake and be a better person. Should I do it? AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

rockology_adam −  NTA. Forgiven but not forgotten is a thing, and I think it’s what you need to apply here. GF might be an unavoidable part of your life in the foreseeable future, and you are going to have to be civil to her: family functions, cultural or civil events, etc. But friendly with her? Helpful to her?

No, you’re not obligated to offer her anything of the sort. Frankly, until there’s an actual discussion and an apology here, there shouldn’t be any effort into a relationship, and you should deny overtures from her. If she asks, be clear but polite. A casual apology here was sent because she wants it to be forgotten.

S**ew her. The thing is, there were legitimate reasons for her to decline to host you for a week, but those needed to be clearly stated at the time of the discussion. “Oh, s**t. A full week? But I’m hosting my own family on the weekend and there isn’t space for you.” “A full week?

Your brother has forgotten that we will be leaving on the Thursday because the place is being fumigated and we can’t reschedule.” “But I turn into a werewolf on the full moons and you won’t be safe with us.” But they all needed to be talked about BACK THEN. Now, full apology and some amends, or nothing.

Sad_Currency_4332 −  I think the only AH is your brother. If he lives with his gf, she should be allowed to decide who stays seeing as that’s her home too. But I also believe you should’ve been texted or told beforehand. This is on your brother, not the gf

TheSciFiGuy80 −  NAH She was perfectly within her right to say NO if she didn’t want someone to stay for an entire week. Especially if the boyfriend didn’t ask first (and she found out after the fact) Like if or not she still lives there too and its also her place of residence.

Your brother needs to cover all his bases with the people who live with him before making decisions like this. We don’t know the situation or what happened that caused this to occur, there may be ght have been a good reason.

And you are perfectly within your right to still be upset about it (though I’ll be honest on the grand scheme of things this is a really silly thing to keep on about).

Thingamajiggles −  Going against the grain here to say YTA. Sorry, but hear me out. Your brother made a commitment that wasn’t his to make on his own. If GF lived there, she had every right to be involved in the decision to let someone stay for a week.

If she had posted here two years ago with “AITA my boyfriend said a family member could stay with us for a week and even though it’s a big imposition, didn’t even ask me,” people would have been all over it. Yes, you made plans. Yes, you assumed it was his decision alone.

Yes, the situation was uncomfortable. Yes, you’re probably taking your anger out on the wrong person. Yes, there was probably more to the reason(s) for refusal than your brother told you at the time. Yes, it probably was an imposition for her/them.

But here you are, two years later, a 32yo woman, chalking this up to an unforgivable offense. The person who should have apologized to you … did. Several times.

Square-Minimum-6042 −  No, you do not have to forgive her. She only gave you a half assed apology to avoid awkwardness she caused. NTA.

MaeWest85 −  I think you should take a minute to look at this from the girlfriends perspective. It sounds like your brother agreed to letting you stay a week without talking to his girlfriend. It’s her house too. She might be busy with work/school that week, or she could be an introvert with a limited social battery.

Everyone in this situation is an a**hole but mostly your brother for not confirming plans with the person who he lives with before ok’ing plans. You’re an ah for blaming this solely on his gf. The girlfriend is the least it of an a**hole. She has just as much of a right to a say in who stays and how long they stay.

ProgramNo3361 −  Sounds like the already know they need something from OP hence the half hearted apology.

VonBassovic −  Info: why didn’t you stay with them 4 days and leave after that?

Emotional_Fan_7011 −  NTA. They will need places to stay when they move back and don’t want things awkward. Too late.

Individual_Metal_983 −  You have to forgive her for your brother’s sake? You mean the brother who would leave you on the streets in a foreign country? Nope – keep her at arm’s length. She has shown you who she is.. NTA

Is forgiveness necessary in such situations, or is it valid to hold onto feelings of hurt when the apology feels insincere? How would you handle this? Share your thoughts below!