AITA for “not following through” on the rent to own agreement I had with my brother?

Family decisions can sometimes lead to unexpected rifts, especially when they involve money, long-held promises, and mismatched expectations. In this story, a 33-year-old woman recounts how she and her husband decided to rent out their current home while planning to build a new one on their recently purchased acreage.

Influenced by her parents—who saw this as the only chance for her 39-year-old brother to finally own property—she agreed to a “rent-to-own” deal that, in hindsight, seemed like a golden opportunity for him. However, as the months passed, the deal quickly unraveled, leaving her frustrated and questioning whether she made the right call.

The arrangement was straightforward: her brother would pay rent equal to their current mortgage for 18 months, with all rent payments to be credited as his down payment toward purchasing the home later.

Yet, things took a turn for the worse when he started missing rent payments, abandoned his full-time job, and neglected both his business responsibilities and the upkeep of the house. Now, with the deal falling apart and tensions rising, she’s forced to reassess her decision and face a major family conflict.

‘ AITA for “not following through” on the rent to own agreement I had with my brother?’

Expert Opinion

“Financial agreements among family members can be particularly challenging, as emotions and familial expectations often cloud objective decision-making,” says Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship and family dynamics expert featured in Psychology Today.

In this case, the OP’s decision to offer her brother a rent-to-own deal was influenced by her parents, who saw it as his only chance to secure property. The arrangement was meant to provide him a pathway to homeownership, but it was built on the assumption that he would fulfill his part of the bargain.

Dr. Orbuch points out that when one party consistently fails to meet their obligations—such as making late rent payments or neglecting maintenance—it not only disrupts the financial terms of the agreement but also erodes trust within the family.

“Family business deals require clear communication and strict adherence to the agreed terms,” she explains. The OP’s brother, who abandoned his full-time job to pursue a business opportunity and then canceled insurance on equipment to save money, clearly breached the trust and the terms of the deal.

Furthermore, this situation illustrates a broader issue: the challenge of balancing compassion with financial pragmatism in family agreements. Dr. Orbuch notes, “It’s important for families to understand that while caregiving and support are invaluable, they must also be measured against the practical realities of financial responsibilities.”

The OP’s decision to cancel the purchase agreement, despite the missed payments being set aside as a down payment, is an attempt to protect not only the property but also her own financial stability. Although some might argue that a written contract would have provided a clearer path for resolution, her instinct to protect her investment and by extension, her family’s future—was both prudent and justified.

Dr. Orbuch advises that, moving forward, it might be wise for all parties to engage in mediated discussions or consult legal advice when entering into family business agreements. “The key is to ensure that every voice is heard and that the terms are upheld by everyone involved, to prevent future misunderstandings or rifts,” she concludes.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The consensus among Redditors is overwhelmingly supportive of the OP’s decision. Most agree that when a family member fails to honor a financial agreement—especially one that was meant to help someone who sacrificed a great deal—it’s entirely justified to cancel the deal.

Many commenters emphasize that the brother’s neglect (late payments, poor business decisions, and lack of property maintenance) clearly breached the agreement. They also criticize the broader family for pressuring the OP into subsidizing his life. Although a few dissent, the majority believe that prioritizing financial stability and personal responsibility was the right call.