AITA for not fighting for us to get our cat back?

A Redditor shared a story about a difficult decision involving their beloved cat, Addie, who was temporarily taken in by their brother’s family after a fire destroyed their home. Unable to find a pet-friendly place for over a year, they allowed Addie to stay with the brother’s family, who provided her with a stable and loving environment.

When they finally found a place that allowed pets, the brother’s family asked to keep Addie, explaining how attached they and the kids had become. The user decided that leaving Addie in her happy, familiar environment was best, but his wife disagreed and now harbors resentment over the decision. Read on for the full story.

‘ AITA for not fighting for us to get our cat back?’

My wife and I rented one half of a duplex for 4 years. In that time, we adopted our cat, Addie. A year and a half ago, there was a fire caused by someone on the other half of the duplex. The house was destroyed. We lost a lot, but luckily Addie was okay. We temporarily moved in with my brother’s family. They were amazing to us. The kids loved Addie.

It soon became clear that our landlord was going to have to tear down the duplex and rebuild as the damage was that bad. We needed to find a new place to live. After endless searching, we realized all the vacancies that we could afford in our area didn’t allow cats.

My brother and SIL generously offered to keep Addie while we tried to get off the waitlist at a pet friendly apartment. In the past year and a half, we’ve visited their home frequently and have gotten to see Addie. To add, if it matters, my brother’s family began financially taking care of her. Including vet bills, food, etc. They refused to take our money.

The more time that passed, I knew the odds of us being able to take Addie back were slim. My SIL works from home so Addie’s gotten used to someone being around. Whereas my wife and I work in offices in a different city. The kids were also growing more attached. I tried to have this conversation with my wife multiple times but she was in denial.

Last month, we finally got off the waitlist for a better apartment that allows pets. My wife instantly called my brother to ask about Addie. He asked that we meet with him and his wife for dinner. As I expected, they asked if they could keep Addie. They said they had grown attached to her.

That the kids would have a hard time but they felt Addie would too as she’d gotten used to them and their lifestyle. I have to admit, Addie does seem happy there. My wife started to protest but I said we’d think about it. At home, I told her this was for the best. She got pissed and said she wants Addie back.

That we had a deal. I said we need to think about what’s best for Addie and also what’s fair to everyone. Ultimately, she reluctantly agreed. We still see Addie, but my wife acts different when we’re there. Sometimes I feel she resents my brother and his family for keeping Addie. But she won’t discuss it.

Recently, a friend asked if we’d ever get another cat. My wife said no as she feels I’d just give it away again. I was hurt and said I never would’ve given her away if not for the circumstances. She made it clear she’ll never understand my choice.. AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

yellowjacket1996 −  Honestly, I’m torn. Your thought process on the cat makes sense but I think you should have talked to your wife beforehand if you knew how this would pan out. If I was her I would be super hurt you didn’t have my back.. Edit: n t a given added context. EDIT 2: I can’t believe I put the wrong tag…YTA.

spicytraveler −  Yeah, YTA, and I agree with your wife. It sounds like you barely tried and took the easy way out by letting it get to the point where she could be guilted into giving up the cat. “Best for Addie” , “the kids were attached” bruh please.

Most cats can adapt to a person being gone at work and kids can learn that not everything they like is theirs to keep, and your brother can (gasp) get them another cat THAT DOESN’T ALREADY BELONG TO SOMEONE. Your wife clearly was not on board with this change and it sounds like you all whined enough that she couldn’t fight the three of you.

I’d never trust you with an animal again either if that’s what you consider an acceptable amount of reasons not to take a pet back when you had a pre-established expectation. 

Primary-Criticism929 −  YTA. Why did you let your brother and his wife pay for the cat ? You knew, and yet you did nothing. You didn’t talk to your brother. You didn’t talk to your wife. You just let things get to a point where your wife was guilted into guving up her pet.
Would you have done the same thing if it had been your kid ?

Cold-Carpet-6140 −  ESH. (Except wife & cat) You for not making it clear to your brother and SIL that Addie was your cat and you pay for her & she will be coming back to your home – and they s**k for making you feel guilty for wanting your own pet back. Your wife has every right to feel upset because you gave away her cat to your family.

rainbow_wallflower −  Wow, I’d be so pissed if my partner let their family member steal my pet. YTA, and a huge one. I’d be looking into divorce over this, because you refuse to fight for a member of your family.

Always_travelin −  YTA. As I assume Addie was adopted by the two of you and not just you, this is decidedly a “two yes/one no” situation. You screwed up massively by not talking to your wife before the dinner and letting her know where you stood.

Eltecolotl −  YTA, I’d go to hell and back for my pets, they are my family. Would they live better lives on a rich Texan’s summer ranch? Maybe, but they are like my children. Go get your cat back!

legolaswashot −  YTA. Cats can adapt and I’m sure Addie would have acclimatized back to a two-person household the way she did to living with your brother’s family (and you). But really what makes you an AH is not being clear with your brother that you would not be leaving Addie with him.

You say you tried to talk to your wife about it and she was in denial…but being in denial is not the same as believing that even IF your brother asked to keep your shared cat, you would not let that happen. She wasn’t in denial, she had faith that you wouldn’t give her cat away.

When your brother refused your money for Addie’s food etc you should have made it very clear that even if they pay for everything, nothing changes in terms of ownership. As you began to suspect they may ask to keep her, you should’ve discussed that with your brother. He could’ve reminded his kids that Addie wasn’t there forever, and your wife wouldn’t have lost her cat along with her home and her trust in you.

Attygalle −  YTA. You gave away a family member. I would be devastated and fuming if my wife gave away our cat. You keep saying she wouldn’t listen but her perspective is that YOU wouldn’t listen. This is going to hurt for your wife for a long time.

Rek0k −  Yta. What a s**tty husband

Do you think the user made the right choice by leaving Addie with his brother’s family, or should he have insisted on taking her back? How would you handle a situation where loved ones have grown attached to your pet? Share your thoughts below!