AITA for not eating a Thanksgiving dish I suspect it was made last year?

A Reddit user describes a Thanksgiving dinner where her sister-in-law’s sweet potato casserole raised suspicions of being last year’s leftovers. Concerned about food safety, the user refrained from eating it, which upset her sister-in-law. After a heartfelt conversation and some clarification, it turned out the casserole wasn’t a year old but was indeed a frozen batch from earlier that year. Read the full story below to see how the situation unfolded!

‘ AITA for not eating a Thanksgiving dish I suspect it was made last year?’

Long time lurker, first time poster but I’m so baffled about this situation I need a non biased perspective. My husband and I (30ish) have a quite large family: his parents, his 2 siblings plus spouses and kids; my divorced parents and their new spouses, plus my siblings and their spouses and kids. All together we are well over 20 people so family gatherings can be overwhelming for the person hosting. (And yes, my divorced parents and their new spouses get along fine and there’s no drama.)

Last night we celebrated Thanksgiving and as a family tradition everyone brings a dish. Usually we communicate with each other so that way everyone is making different types of food. My sister-in—law (wife of my brother) said that she was going to bring her mom’s famous sweet potato casserole. I thought it was very nice of her since her mon passed away this year and she was honoring her memory by making her recipe.

However, once I saw her dish I truly think she brought last year’s leftovers. Instead of big pan, she brought several small and medium containers of sweet potato casserole. Although it did not smell weird it was very dry and just didn’t look like a regular one. I didn’t try it and discreetly told my husband my concerns, who also did not try it.

Once Thanksgiving was over, my mother called me saying that my SIL was upset because she noticed I didn’t try her dish. I told my mother about my fears and she said that I’m just to picky with food and there’s no way a frozen casserole could last a year without having mold.

I pointed that the several containers could mean she cut the “good parts” and left the moldy ones. After an awkward silence, we decided to agree to disagree and hang up.
I feel bad for my SIL but I truly could not bring myself to eat something I am not 100% sure is safe. So AITA?. Update to my post.

After spending my whole morning reading and answering your comments I decided to pass by my mother’s house and have an in person talk with her. I read her some of the comments on the original post and she thinks the Internet is a strange place.

We agreed I can always come and tell her what I think truthfully. She has not talked to anyone else in the family about the “Yam debacle.” We decided to call my brother and ask if we can go to his house qnd have a talk with him and my SIL . He said to brace ourselves and come with an open mind. When we got there, my SiL started crying uncontrollably and my brother took us to the kitchen which was a mess.

Long story short. They were indeed leftovers just not a year old. I guess sometime before her passing, SIL and her mom had made several family recipes as a bonding experience. The casserole was one of the staple recipes and my SiL had froze several containers of it.

On thanksgiving week, she thawed some of it and tried to replicate the taste without luck. I guess the pressure of making it for us got the best of her and she got more and more frustrated as the date approached. On Thursday,she finally gave up and decided to just reheat the ones she had frozen.

As to why my SIL noticed that I didn’t eat her dish: Apparently in prior years I had complimented the casserole as “this is the best one I’ve ever tried.” So this year she was expecting some comment and was sad when I didn’t even try it.

I apologized and told her I was really sorry that I hurt her feelings. She apologized for singling me out. We told her to rest and in the meantime me, my mother and brother we cleaned the kitchen, tidy the house and Mom made her a soup (Ajiaco, if you know, you know.)

My mom decided to stay but I left a bit after everything was done and everyone was calm. As a goodwill gesture I’m getting my SIL a mini spa day that I think she will enjoy and help her feel better. So that’s pretty much it, no big fight, no big dramatic scene. Sorry not sorry. Thank you all for your opinions. I will be more thoughtful of peoples feelings but I still will not eat something I don’t want to just to please someone. No reports that anyone got sick, btw.

Lastly, Does my mother think frozen food can get moldy? She claims she said it in the heat of the moment and because I was annoying her. She knows cooking is not my forte so she thought I had no good comeback to that. I opened her freezer and there’s only meat and ice cream. So… who knows at this point ?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

bujomomo −  NTA. Let’s say for argument’s sake that the casserole was made yesterday, on Thanksgiving. If you just decided you didn’t want sweet potato casserole, you’d still be in this situation and you’d still be justified in not eating it. Either way, the person who made the dish should not be closely monitoring who took some. That’s very strange. Eat what you want to eat at these types of gatherings.

Urbanyeti0 −  Frozen food doesn’t grow mould, but if it was dry it could well have had freezer burns that were cut off. NTA you don’t have to eat anyone else’s food.

dragonetta123 −  You are entitled not to eat anything you don’t want to. However, I suspect you may have made assumptions and, rather than ask to establish something, you have spread within the group (even one person is spreading it and runs the risk of it being overheard and/or getting back to the person) that it was leftovers that shouldn’t be eaten and as a result managed to deliberately offend someone. For that you don’t need to apologise.

When I make something, I don’t bring it in a big pan/pot because the ex professional chef in me (who taught food hygiene and marked assessments for individual certification) finds it hard to store at home in the fridge, and then transport whilst guarenteeing no cross contamination, so I use tupperware style containers, and yes, I have been known to use different sizes to fit a dish in.

I also have pyrex dishes that are ovensafe that have plastic lids to use when cool that i use instead of my big chefs feed a hundred pans. I have trained friends to bring stuff in tupperware so it can be transported in a cool bag or box. Here in the UK, pot luck style dinners are rarer, thank God as bring a dish tends to result in food poisoning, especially in hot summers.

Sweet potato casserole is more like a baked potato pie. It’s not a wet casserole. It can look dry. But even if it looked overdry, it could have just been overcooked. Even if it was frozen, it’s fine as long as it was stored properly.

a_Moa −  You’re NTA for not eating something, no one can force you to do that. You’re kinda rude for spreading rumours based off of weird assumptions.

1. Frozen food doesn’t go mouldy. It’s preserved as long as it’s frozen. Once it’s defrosted normal food safe rules apply.
2. You have no idea if it was leftovers.
3. Even if it was, there’s nothing wrong with leftovers. Isn’t this weird American holiday all about leftovers??
If you wholly believe that eating frozen leftovers is unsafe you’re an i**ot but this situation doesn’t make you The Arsehole.

dazechong −  You’re not the ah for not eating the casserole, but YTA for spreading your assumption among other guests based on a … well, assumption. As other people have pointed out, mold doesn’t form when frozen.

Expensive_Visual_594 −  I would not have eaten it either. Not a chance. It’s odd that something wouldn’t come in one dish. 

treehuggerfroglover −  Yta. You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want to. But instead of just quietly not eating it you decided to spread rumors and even pull your husband aside at the party to tell him something you have no way of knowing, before also telling your mom. You’re just gossiping, and considering her recent loss it’s an especially cruel thing to gossip about.

Also, how obvious were you about not wanting to eat it, that sil got so upset your mom noticed? I’ve been to thanksgiving every year of my life and there’s always tons of food and you pick what you want and move along. I’ve never seen someone get mad that not every single person ate their dish. Did she get mad at her brother too? Did every other person there eat it? Or were you making a big stink about how gross it looked and how you were not going to eat it?

I think you’re being needlessly mean to your sil. She’s still grieving the loss of her mother, attempted to make the holidays feel somewhat normal. Either you’re totally wrong and she’s just not a great cook, in which case you insulted her cooking and disrespected her attempt to honor her mother. Or she did bring frozen leftovers from last year, so maybe check on her!

You truly suspect a grown woman is trying to pass off year old food as fresh because she’s so caught up in her grief and instead of worrying about her mental health and wellbeing you decide to embarrass her? What type of mental state would you have to be in to do something like that? If she did, it’s a cry for help.

LittleFairyOfDeath −  Honestly YTA. Not for not eating it. That is your choice. But you basically spread rumors without knowing, you caused your husband to also not eat it and all of this about your frankly wrong ideas about freezer food. Storing leftovers for a year is absolutely no big deal. The quality may be a bit worse, but in no way unsafe.

KrofftSurvivor −  NTA –  It’s weird to be upset because not everyone tried her particular dish, and it’s also weird that your mother felt the need to call you and complain to you for sil?!? Why are some people so controlling about what other people eat, yeesh.

Retropiaf −  YTA, not for skipping the dish but for the reason you gave to your mom. The assumption you made about the dish was both extreme and insulting of your SIL’s character and sanity. I’m not saying your suspicion is definitely wrong, but it certainly doesn’t come out as a particularly reasonable or rational conclusion.

The fact that this scenario is not even just a thought you entertained in passing, but a possibility you still consider likely in hindsight, suggests that you hold your SIL in very low regards. Maybe with just cause, but still not socially acceptable to be so transparent about it.

Basically, you accused your sister-in-law of doing something deranged and disgusting, without any proof. Not only that, but you came up with an extremely disturbing scenario in your mind and shared it without acknowledging the level of craziness and grossness involved. The scenario itself is disturbing and negatively reflects on whomever it originated from. Your SIL if she really did what you suspect she did, or you if your suspicion is wrong.

I’m a bit of a paranoid person myself, so I’m not judging you for coming up with such a disturbing scenario in your head, but sharing these kind of thoughts is just not socially acceptable. Most people wouldn’t come up with such a messed up suspicion, partially due to a lack of imagination but also because baseless accusations tend to reflect more on the accuser than the accused.

If other people can look at the same series of facts without ever even considering the conclusion you reached, it suggests that what led to you reaching this conclusion might be entirely related to you rather than your SIL.