AITA For not dropping it when my partner said some really ominous stuff when drunk?

A Reddit user shares a puzzling and unsettling experience with their partner, who, while drunk, made cryptic and ominous statements about past events.

Despite the partner’s insistence to “just drop it,” the user is left questioning whether to push for clarity, especially given the partner’s mysterious past. Read the full story below to see how the situation unfolded.

‘ AITA For not dropping it when my partner said some really ominous stuff when drunk?’

So the weekend just gone me \[F31\] and my partner \[M31\] went out with a few of my friends and had a few drinks. My partner doesn’t drink often and I thought he was a bit more drunk than everyone else, so I ended up sorting us a taxi home. That’s when things got kinda weird.

He was obviously out of it so I put him on the couch laying down with a bucket next to him just in case (the only other time I’ve seen him drunk he vomited A LOT!). He starts rambling on, some of it completely incoherent but the pieces that did make sense proper spooked me.

Things like. “it was terrible what we did”. “I never should have helped them”. “it was all my fault” but he was also saying “it wasn’t my fault” later on. I kept trying to ask him what he was talking about but he was completely out of it.

The next day I asked him about it but he said he doesn’t remember and it must’ve just been drunken nonsense. I left him alone because he looked awful from the hangover, but I’ve asked him again last night and he said he doesn’t remember and asked if we can just drop it.

For some context – and is probs the reason I am taking it seriously – my partner never talks about his childhood or his family. It’s assumed in our friend circle that he came from an a**sive situation. We all met in university, I was doing my masters when he was in 1st year.

So he was a few years later than what you might call the normal route but nothing wildly unusual. We started seeing each other a few years later and have lived with each other about 4 years now.

As I say I have never met anyone from his family or that knew him before Uni. So WIBTA if I don’t drop this or am I just reading too much into my partner having a rough childhood that he wants to forget – and I should as well??

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

aemondstareye −  Guess I’ll just come out and say it—it is fundamentally odd to live with a romantic partner for four years and when it comes to their *entire childhood* know little more than rumor.

“It’s assumed he came from an a**sive situation” is something you say about a rescue cat, not your live-in boyfriend. The fact that you don’t have tangible information—forget details, just the basic logistics of what happened (e.g., single parent, foster care, a**oholic caretaker?) is mind-boggling to me.

These basics should have come up through incredibly common ground-level questions (e.g., what do your parents do?) and are important for you to know.

You don’t need your partner to return you a detailed autobiography—there’s certain past business that will always be solely your own—but at four years down the road, you need to know a bit more about who you’re getting in bed with.

You’re tying your boat to that post; financially, emotionally, perhaps genetically. 100% insist on the conversation—and ffs—figure out where dude came from. NTA. EDIT: Lotta people in the comments seem to be confusing having one too many with a Joshua Tree acid trip. Truly insane thread.

Otherwise_Living_158 −  Don’t worry about it, he said it wasn’t his fault

ChunkyChappy −  NAH, I find it difficult with my partner of 6 years who still finds it tough to share any trauma mentioned through vague comments, I ask questions which always get shut down. You want to be a good partner and help them share and vocalise.

They have said if they ever were to want to dig it all up they would do it in therapy. Maybe ease that idea into things, however I would suggest dropping it for now as you’ve been asked to.

EdenStreetCo −  NTA. Ridiculous the people g**lighting you here into thinking you’re the one acting weird. If someone said this ominous s**t to me and wouldn’t elaborate I would break up with them. No way I’d go back to bed with them after. I’d have my kitchen knives under lock and key. Jesus.

LonelyOwl68 −  NAH. Your partner obviously has some issues from his past that he finds painful to talk about when he’s not been drinking. There is a saying, “in vino, veritas.”

which means the truth is in the wine, that is, when you’ve been drinking a bit more than the usual, it’s not uncommon that people talk about things they would not ordinarily talk about at all.

Alcohol lowers those inhibitions and makes it seem, at least temporarily, like it’s OK to talk about stuff we normally wouldn’t. It’s also normal to feel any emotions from that stuff in a more intense way when drinking, so it is almost to be expected.

There is a reason for that saying.I think you should probably try to find out a bit more about your partner’s background, but for now, back away from the subject to give him time to reprocess whatever it was, from his past. You should not spy on him, or try to find out by devious means what he was talking about.

I do think you have a right to know the broad outline, although maybe not the details. However, if he once trusts you enough to tell you what it was, you will be in a position to either earn his trust or destroy it completely, and you’d better make sure you understand that.

With the holidays approaching, it might be a good idea to sit down and chat a bit about how the holidays were in your family, giving you an opportunity to ask about his. Maybe this will all make better sense to you if and when he decides to tell you about it. And it is an “if,” not necessarily a “when.”

BTW, thank you for taking care of getting yourself and your partner home in a taxi, rather than driving or letting him drive. I wish everyone were as sensible as you are.. edited, typos

QuinnDariaa −  NAH, but tread carefully. Your desire to know your partner completely comes from a place of love, but we must respect the boundaries they set, especially when it comes to personal trauma. It’s okay for your partner to keep certain things private until they’re ready to share.

Pressuring them won’t build trust, it will erode it. Give them space, offer your support, and be patient. When or if they’re ready to open up about their past, they will. Prioritize their comfort and consent in sharing over your curiosity.

3vinator −  NTA. Life isn’t some equation of isolated events. His childhood is part of him and it still affects his current life. Your current life, because it’s a shared life.

Especially in a relationship, where you might consider a future together, possibly children, you can’t just leave a part of your life out. His childhood events are on his mind on the very surface.

That means it’s impacting his life every day. Untreated trauma, whether self-inflicted or not, is not something you can just put away in a locked box without creating side effects. If these side effects are impacting your relationship, you owe it to your partner to work it out. Your question is reasonable to me.

InsideAmbitious4758 −  NAH – It is entirely possible it was just nonsense. Could have been something from a dream or a videogame. That being said, it’s weird to have been together so long and know so little about his past.

Tiny_Cauliflower_618 −  Ummm idk if this is helpful lol, but check they’re not a vivid dreamer. I have a patchy memory (CPTSD, meds, Brainfog) but what I have a SUPER CLEAR memory of is that one time I went to the beach, found a k**ler whale, took it home and made it a pool in my basement by running hoses from the kitchen and bathroom sinks.

I have never, ever, lived in a house with a basement. I’ve never seen an orca in person apart from once off a boat, on holiday, in the distance. I am 99% certain that I will be telling other confused elders about my pet whale in the old folks home because as far as my brain is concerned, that’s an actual factual experience 🤦

GreenEyedPhotographr −  NTA for wanting to know about your partner’s past, but you WBTAH if you kept pushing for answers. There are things we all have to deal with, independently or with therapists.

If your partner isn’t in therapy, he may think he’s dealt with his past, but it’s up to him to decide if he wants to go back. You might gently suggest it, but he sounds like he’s resistant to any discussion about it.. For now, just be there for him.

Would you respect the partner’s request to let it go, or do you think the user is justified in seeking answers given the unusual statements? How would you approach a situation where your partner’s past remains a mystery? Share your thoughts below!