AITA for not doing anything for christmas this year and making my husband livid?

A Reddit user, a stay-at-home mom with three kids, finds herself in a heated dispute with her husband over Christmas plans. With her husband preoccupied with saving for a football event, he allocated only $100 for the holiday, leading to a standstill when she refuses to celebrate without a proper budget. Read the original story below to see how this holiday conflict unfolds.

‘ AITA for not doing anything for christmas this year and making my husband livid?’

So I’m a stay at home mom with 3 kids. My husband works full time and gets an okay- salary BUT he’s tightened the grip on spending for the past 4 months to be able to save up to go watch the football event overseas. He’s literally obssessed with anything to do with football.

He said he rarely ever gets to do what he wants and so I didn’t want to judge him since it’s his money eventually. We discussed plans for christmas and he told me to handle everything since he won’t be back til Dec. 20th. He told me he had put aside money for christmas decoration, food, gifts, kids needs etc.

The money in total was 100$. I was completely shocked I told him 100$ for an entire family’s christmas celebration was ridiculously not enough. He shrugged saying it’s all he’s got but I pointed out how he’s paying for his friend’s and his girlfriend’s travel expenses.

He told me to just “take it” but I said that if he decided to leave me with just 100 bucks then I won’t be doing anything for christmas. We had lots of arguments and couldn’t get this resolved. He’s in Qatar now (he left days ago). Yesterday, while I was cleaning I found an envelope with the same 100$ and a note from him telling me “to make it work”.

I sent him a message that I’ve decided that I won’t be doing anything for christmas with this little money, period. He was livid he just kept sending an angry message after another calling me “spoiled” and telling me to stop expecting to live like I was still living in my parents house and to stop trying to “rob” the kids of enjoying the holidays like the other kids. I haven’t replied but he’s livid saying I’m punishing him for going and trying to guilt him using his own money.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Mama_Mush −  Nta- this sounds like financial abuse. Why is it ‘his’ money when you are in charge of household admin and childcare while he waltzes off with his friends to pay thousands to watch a bunch of overpaid eejuts kick a ball around a stadium built on eco destruction and human rights violations?

No sane person from this century could pull of Christmas with 100bucks unless they go in for petty theft on a grand scale. Ultimatum time, he treats you as an equal financially or you leave and get child support.

AffectionateHand2206 −  NTA. As has been pointed out, this is called financial abuse. Take your kids, go to your parents, have a beautiful Christmas without your husband and get a divorce.

RevRagnarok −  NTA and look up “financial abuse.” My wife is SAHM so mine is the only income. Anything over like $200 is a discussion about _our_ money and _our_ family.
I won’t even get into the CF that is the whole World Cup thing.. —-

Edit: Assuming this is real, this answer has blown up, so I’ll copy/paste a comment I made on a similar post previously. If it doesn’t help OP maybe it will jostle somebody else into thinking about “the unthinkable”:

My household is one income and we make sure that SAHM has a full credit report / rating even without income, _just in case_. Her car and its loan _is 100% in her name_. My name isn’t on any paperwork; in fact my credit report was locked so the stealership wouldn’t even take a joint check as a down payment because they “didn’t trust me.” 😂

This is something that was driven into my head by my mother, who did home health care for a bunch of elderly women who outlived their husbands by decades and were legally only ever “just” Mrs. So-and-so with not a damned thing in their own name.

Meaning that our modern interconnected financial systems treated them as _nothing_. Edit-2: I (sadly) learned a new word today

HunterDangerous1366 −  So he has:

1. Tightened the family budget for an event that only benefits him.
2. Paid for his friend and his friends gf even though point 1 exists.
3. Expects you to plan, cater and buy Christmas decorations etc with $100 and just deal with it.
4. Is g**lighting you and blaming you for his s**fish actions/choices.
5. It is not HIS money. It is FAMILY money. Im sure if you worked and pulled a stunt like this he would be more that pissed.
6. Use the $100 to get a locksmith. He doesn’t value you and your contributions to the family, nor your 3 kids. The world cup isn’t more important than your family. Its literally televised. There is no real reason to go!

NTA. Tbh if someone showed me and our kids this much disrespect the only thing they’d be getting is separation/divorce papers. ETA INFO: something that just popped into my head… has he left you any money/cards aside from the $100? If not you need to leave ASAP.

9smalltowngirl −  NTA you have 3 weeks to get a lawyer, move out and get a job. You and children are at the very bottom of his priority list. That is not going to change. Good luck

Random_Ninja_10 −  The moment you said he paid for his friend and friend’s gf to this trip I became deceased. S**t, pay one more ticket and he could’ve taken his own family instead, like???? NTA, either leave him or work and make your own money and guess what now he has to pay for child care.

Realize that s**t is not free, I bet he’ll change his tune real quick. I agree with the comment saying you should have Christmas with your kids at your parents and just exclude husband, and really consider leaving him cuz that’s financially a**sive. The note with the 100 bucks would’ve sent me over the edge, what a complete ass…

tannieth −  Why do you have no say in finances? You are financially abused. Your relationship sounds utterly shocking tbh.. He seems to have complete control.. You are seen as worthless. My heart breaks that you seem to be treated as of no value. Yeah…. Tell him to stick Christmas up his rear.

Slight-Bar-534 −  NTA. I’d be having Christmas for my kids….at my parents house. It’s his money??? Let’s see how much his money will be spent on alimony and child support. He paid all expenses for his friends and left you $100 . Talk to someone about how this is so wrong, disrespectful ans uncaring

certain_people −  You should do one thing for Christmas – give him divorce papers as a present. As other have said, absolutely financial abuse. Going to Qatar at all says nothing good about him either, clearly he doesn’t care about human rights abuses. But since he apparently doesn’t care about his own wife and kids that shouldn’t be a surprise. NTA.

Odd-Foundation-9602 −  So let me get this straight. He is leaving you alone for 3 weeks although you already have a 24/7 job as SAHM already?? You are NTA and I would be livid if my husband just left me with 3 kids for that long. And he is also paying for his friends expenses??? He is putting his friends before his family, which is not ok. You need to have a talk with him. And maybe talk to his parents if they are willing to help out, as their son is incapable of it

Do you think the mom’s decision to forgo Christmas celebrations was a fair response to the situation, or should she have found a way to celebrate regardless? How would you handle a disagreement over holiday spending with a partner? Share your thoughts below!