AITA for not buying my friend’s book?

A Redditor (25M) shares their dilemma about refusing to buy a friend’s (22M) self-published book after years of providing free creative support for his projects. While they value the friendship and support the friend’s work, they feel it’s unfair to be asked for financial support after already contributing significantly. Now, they’re wondering if they’re in the wrong for drawing this boundary. Read the full story below to understand the situation.

‘ AITA for not buying my friend’s book?’

I (25M) have known Tom (22M) for 4 years. Tom’s an independent writer and director. He’s not famous, if I need to say it. But he writes and puts together a lot of different projects, and he usually commissions talent on freelancer to help bring his visions to life.

I gave him a lot of free work over the years, just to be kind. He’s not rich, but he’s not exactly poor either. Regardless, I didn’t want any money, I just wanted to help. I’m a small time musician, and I would’ve immensely appreciated a handout with my stuff.

I’ve given him free reign to use dozens of original songs and instrumentals I’ve made entirely myself. I wrote and recorded intro songs for his webpage, and also did a few lines of voice acting for some of his projects. Full disclosure: I’m not a professional, music is just a side thing. I have a day job.

Now, I did all this without asking for or expecting anything in return. I would’ve refused if he asked me to drive to his place so he could direct my performances, but I figured since recordings and media sharing can be done digitally, it wasn’t a massive deal.

So, 4 days ago, he asks if I’ll buy a copy of his new book. I told him no thanks, because – apart from genuinely not having leisure money right now – I feel like it’s crossing a line to ask for money from me after all the free labor and music I’ve given him.

He got upset and told me I was “switching up” and “not supporting friends.” And that he didn’t think there was a limit to how much I’d do for his projects. I felt disrespected, so I told him most people – friend or not – would, at minimum, ask for compensation for creating original works. And that he should, at minimum, not treat people like free vending machines, and then ask **them** to give **him** money. But he refused to listen and believes I’m in the wrong.

We’ve talked and texted like normal since then, but he’s still a bit salty I wouldn’t buy his book. He keeps trying to spark new arguments about it on occasion, but I keep telling him the more he digs his heels in, the less I’m interested in even reading it eventually.

I just wanted to stand up for myself. It didn’t feel right. I felt like I was becoming a slave. But I honestly do feel bad that I upset my friend. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings or make him think I don’t support him. I do want to see him succeed and I genuinely believe in what he’s doing.. AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

withrenewedvigor −  NTA It’s kinda s**tty to just straight up ask someone who’s done free work for you to pay for something of yours.

asphodel2020 −  NTA. ‘He told me that he didn’t think there was a limit to how much I’d do for his projects.’ So he freely admitted to your face he thought there shouldn’t be limits to the amount of time, effort and money you spend to help him?

This man sounds like a user who will take and take until you have nothing else to give and then make you feel guilty about it, exactly the way he is doing now. He should have stopped pushing you about the book as soon as you said no but instead he keeps ignoring your requests to stop because he still feels entitled to your money.

_lippykid −  If I were OP, I’d be asking myself if I didn’t provide seemingly unlimited free services, would this person still be my “friend”?

TogarashiAhi −  He wants you to pay for his book that you may or may not read, but doesn’t want to pay you for your music that he actively uses in his material? That a nah.

ChaiGreenTea −  NTA Kinda s**tty he didn’t offer you a free book after all you’ve helped contribute to his art.

fallingintopolkadots −  NTA. “I supported you by writing and recording songs for you, doing voice acting for you, and given you free reign to use music I’ve made. That sort of thing doesn’t usually come free, but I do it for you because you’re my friend and I care and I want to support your projects. Frankly, I’m deeply hurt and offended by you saying that ‘I don’t support you’ because I don’t want to buy your book right now.”

StAlvis −  NTA. He usually commissions talent on freelancer to help bring his visions to life. So he probably didn’t even write this himself?

Charming-Barnacle-15 −  NTA. “If you feel this strongly on the subject why haven’t you bought any of my music?”

Runns_withScissors −  Really, he should *give* you a copy of whatever the completed work is, if you’ve contributed to it for free. That’s just standard courtesy. You don’t hit up those who offer their services for free and ask them to buy copies of your work, ever. That’s tacky. NTA, in any case. You’re under no obligation to purchase anything!

Radiophonic_ −  NTA, but you’d be one to yourself if you continue to give away your work for free. Whether you’re full time or doing it on the side, people deserve to be paid for their creative work. You know, like he expects to be paid for his.