AITA for not buying a coffee maker for guests?
When hosting guests, how far should you go to accommodate their preferences? A Reddit user sparked heated debate after refusing to buy a coffee maker for a yearly visitor who demanded her morning brew. The story raises questions about hospitality, entitlement, and whether hosts must cater to every guest’s needs—even if it clashes with their lifestyle.
‘ AITA for not buying a coffee maker for guests?’
Expert Opinions
Hospitality vs. Boundaries in Modern Hosting
Dr. Emily Post (descendant of etiquette expert Emily Post) emphasizes in The Etiquette Advantage in Business that while hosts should aim to make guests comfortable, “guests also have a responsibility to communicate needs in advance.” She adds, “If a host doesn’t drink coffee, it’s reasonable for guests to adjust or bring their own supplies.”
Psychological Impact of Entitlement
A 2022 study in The Journal of Social Psychology found that guests who expect tailored accommodations often overlook a host’s efforts, labeling them “inadequate” if one specific need isn’t met. Dr. Lisa Thompson, a social behavior researcher, notes, “This mindset stems from a culture of instant gratification, where personal preferences override mutual respect.”
Minimalist Living and Hosting
Marie Kondo, organizing consultant and author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, argues, “Owning items purely for occasional guests contradicts mindful consumption. If an object doesn’t spark joy or serve your daily life, it’s okay to opt for alternatives—like supporting local cafés.”
Solutions from Experts:
- Pre-Visit Communication: Clearly state what you can/cannot provide.
- Compromise: Stock instant coffee or a small French press for guests.
- Guest Responsibility: Encourage visitors to bring specialty items they require.
Check out how the community responded:
Reddit users were divided:
- NTA Votes: “Your house, your rules. She’s entitled for expecting you to buy appliances you’ll never use.”
- YTA Votes: “Coffee is a basic hosting essential. Buy a $20 drip maker.”
- Middle Ground: “Offer instant coffee next time. It’s cheap and takes no space.”
- Guest Shaming: “She’s rude to complain after you offered café trips!”
- Cultural Takes: “In some cultures, not having coffee is unthinkable. In others, it’s no big deal.”
This coffee clash highlights the tension between modern hosting norms and individual boundaries. While OP tried to compromise, her guest’s inflexibility turned a small issue into a feud. Should hosts invest in items they’ll never use, or can guests adapt to their environment?
Final Take: Hospitality is a two-way street. Guests should voice needs beforehand, and hosts can meet them halfway—without sacrificing their values.
Join the Discussion: Is coffee a non-negotiable for hosting? Would you buy a coffee maker for a once-a-year guest, or is instant coffee enough? Share your thoughts below!
NTA.She knew you don’t have coffee stuff there,she could have provided her own the second time she visited.She and the boyfriend are a@&””!”$$.You offered an alternative, she refused .The boyfriend should have had a word with her.Beyond entitled!
My mother needed her coffee as well. And she always travelled with a Mocha pot (“una cafetiera” in Italian) and coffee. Just in case. The houseguest should do this as well.
In uk I would say buy some instant coffee. But judging by comments that is not an option
They make coffee bags, like a tea bag. Easy to pack and well sealed to have in a cupboard for guests of carry in a suitcase. Not the best coffee but they do make a cup of coffeee or two.
My husband, his brother, and sister-in-law don’t drink coffee. To me, coffee is life. When we visit and they very kindly provide excellent accommodations, each morning my husband and/or his brother run out to a local coffee shop and buy me coffee, hubby gets tea. I don’t expect them to have a coffee maker just for me but I would never bad mouth them over it. At my house, I use a single travel mug coffee maker. When we have coffee drinking friends over, we just run it through a few times or go out.