AITA for not backing down on my daughter’s teachers calling her the proper name?

A Reddit user shared a story about standing firm when her daughter’s high school Spanish teacher insisted on calling her by a Spanish version of her name against her wishes. The mother confronted the teacher to ensure her daughter, Alexandra, was addressed correctly, sparking a debate within the family about whether it was worth the conflict.

Read the full story below and share your perspective!

‘ AITA for not backing down on my daughter’s teachers calling her the proper name?’

My daughter, Alexandra (14F), hates any shortened version of her name. This has gone on since she was about 10. The family respects it and she’s pretty good about advocating for herself should someone call her Lexi, Alex, etc. She also hates when people get her name wrong and just wants to be called Alexandra.

She took Spanish in middle school. The teacher wanted to call all students by the Spanish version of their name (provided there was one). So, she tried to call Alexandra, Alejandra. Alexandra corrected her and the teacher respected it. She had the same teacher all 3 years of middle school, so it wasn’t an issue.

Now, she’s in high school and is still taking Spanish. Once again, the new teacher announced if a student had a Spanish version of their name, she’d call them that. So, she called Alexandra, Alejandra. Alexandra corrected her but the teacher ignored her. My daughter came home upset after the second week. I am not the type of mom to write emails, but I felt I had to in this case.

If matters, this teacher is not Hispanic herself, so this isn’t a pronunciation issue. Her argument is if these kids ever went to a Spanish speaking country, they’d be called by that name. I found this excuse a little weak as the middle school Spanish teacher actually was Hispanic who had come here from a Spanish speaking country and she respected Alexandra’s wishes.

The teacher tried to dig her heels in, but I said if it wasn’t that big a deal in her eyes that she calls her Alejandra, why is it such a big deal to just call her Alexandra? Eventually, she gave in. Alexandra confirmed that her teacher is calling her by her proper name.

My husband feels I blew this out of proportion and Alexandra could’ve sucked it up for a year (the school has 3 different Spanish teachers, so odds are she could get another one her sophomore year).. AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Garamon7 −  Her argument is if these kids ever went to a Spanish speaking country, they’d be called by that name ??? That’s not true and quite stupid. John can be John in any country, no one would call him Hans, Juan or Giovanni against his will, just because there is a local version of his name.

MercuryRising92 −  NTA – but the teacher’s reasoning was off. If I went to a foreign country and told them my name was Anthony and they started calling me Antonio, I tell them it was Anthony and that’s what they’d call me.

It’s different for a person who has worked hard to be called by their correct name to have it changed than for a person with a generic name. For example. Someone name John goes through life with his name correctly pronounced and it’s fun to be called Juan for an hour.

FearTheLiving1999 −  I mean, every Spanish teacher I ever had did this. I don’t get the outrage here. Not one kid ever argued about it, usually people just laughed. Yes the teacher’s reasoning is stupid, but it’s Spanish class. They’re just referring to things and people in Spanish. I don’t understand why such a stink was made in the first place.

It still helps people in the class to understand how names translate to the other language, even though people will still call you by your preferred name. This is a weird hill to die on. There’s something to be said for not taking yourself too seriously.. I’m going with a YTA here.

SorryRevenue −  YTA and so is your daughter. It’s Spanish class ffs

randomwords83 −  What is happening in these comments my god lol. Yes, YTA and so is your daughter. I’m in my mid 40’s and when I took Spanish in school 30 years ago it was the same thing. Why is this a big deal? It really shouldn’t be. My name doesn’t translate to Spanish so my teacher gave me a different name. This is absurd to be so upset about this. You both sound childish.

L1mpD −  YTA. Was prepared to say N T A thinking this was a history/math/English class, but this is pretty typical for a foreign language class. My name in Spanish class was José which bore no resemblance to my actual name. If this is such a problem for your daughter, I feel bad for her because she is going to lead a very unhappy life. And you sound exactly like the kind of mom to send emails

on-that-day −  A soft YTA. It’s pretty common in language classes to pick equivalent names for students as a fun means of immersion. While Alexandra is 1000% right to assert her name and prevent people nicknaming her, I think the situations here are apples and oranges.

This is a classroom technique to engage with the subject for the duration of that course, not someone trying to effectively change her actual name (by assigning an unwanted shortening of the name that sticks around forever, as a few of my polysyllable-named friends can attest). I think Alexandra is so used to having to defend her name, she can’t quite see that something harmless and immersive done for an educational course is not an attack on it.

Blooregard89 −  Yta, not because your wrong, but you’re teaching your daughter that the world will cater to her every need and want, and that in the teacher’s classroom, the teacher isn’t the one in charge, mommy is, and she is.

The teacher standing her ground was silly, but you actively undermined the teacher. It’s gonna be hard for the teacher to remain neutral towards your daughter now. I know I wouldn’t be. It’s a silly thing for your daughter to get worked up about, and you could have taught her that.

Luckyjulydouble07 −  I’m Puerto Rican and I have a cousin whose name is Alexandra. Nobody had ever insisted in calling her a different name. Not a big deal. NTA.

LEJ93 −  YTA. It’s Spanish class… I got called Lucia instead of Lucy. Your daughter’s Spanish version of her name isn’t even that different. Part of being a linguist is learning how to pronounce appropriately, names included.

Do you think the mother was right to intervene and insist on her daughter’s preferred name, or was it an overreaction to a minor issue? How would you handle a situation where a teacher disregards a student’s personal preference? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!