AITA for not babysitting for my sister in law any more after she called the police on me?

A Reddit user shared a dramatic conflict with their sister-in-law over a childcare arrangement gone wrong. After a miscommunication led to the sister-in-law calling the police, the user has refused to resume their babysitting duties, sparking a family feud.

Despite apologies and pressure from family members, the user stands firm on their decision. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not babysitting for my sister in law any more after she called the police on me?’

My sister in law and I have an agreement. She watches my kids 3 days a week, and I watch hers 3 days a week. This agreement has stood since March 2020 without issues. Any changes have been discussed weeks in advance.

A couple weeks ago, we had an argument. The next day, I brought my kids to her house, dropped them off, and left. I didn’t speak to my sister in law, because when one of us is in a rush, like I was, it’s standard for us to just let the kids out, stay in the car, and drive off when you see the door open.

I drove to work, about 40 minutes away. When I got there, I had about 20 missed calls, and even more texts, all from my sister in law, all saying she didn’t want to watch the kids given our argument.

Her first text arrived a little before I got to her place, but I didn’t see it until I got to work because my phone is always on silent when I drive. I rang her, said I’ll arrange to work from home, then come get the kids.

She said I have 45 mins to get back to her place or she would call the police. I told my supervisor the situation, and she said I could leave after I did a few things. This delayed me 20 mins.

When I got back to my sister in law’s, just over an hour later, she said she’d already called the police when the 45 mins ran out. I then had to stick around long enough to tell the officer that I didn’t abandon my children, there was just a communication issue.

Sister in law and I had another shouting match later over this. I arranged other childcare for my kids and I’ve been mostly ignoring her since. However, she reached out and apologised, and has asked if I’d be willing to go back to the old childcare arrangement. I’ve told her to go f**k herself.

I work with kids. If I got child abandonment on my record, I would never work in my field again, which she knew, and her calling the police was a *massive* overreaction, so if she needs a babysitter she can go whistle for all I care.

She said that if I checked my phone, talked to her that morning, or came back when I was supposed to, she would not have needed to call the police, and I did this to myself, as she gave me a warning with that first text and I could have checked my phone or spoken to her directly when I got to her place, all of which she says she would have done if she were in my position, given that we’d argued the night before.

I’ve told her that if she thinks I’m babysitting for her, she’s f**king delusional, and she’s on her own. Because of my refusal, it’s looking like she may have to quit her job because my brother and her would pay more for a babysitter than they would earn from her working.

My mother and brother have both called me an arsehole because there were no consequences to her calling the police, and that while she overreacted, she’s apologised, so if I really forgive her, I’ll let us move on.

This income loss would also mean that she, my brother, and my niece and nephew might need to move somewhere cheaper, that my brother might have to take on extra hours at work, and in an extreme scenario they may even be completely unable to live independently, meaning they’d have to move in with her parents, who live several hours away.. AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

Unit-Healthy −  NTA. The only delusional person here is SIL. Who calls the police on an essential worker out of spite? Let her struggle to find childcare or lose her job. You could have easily lost yours.

teresajs −  NTA.Don’t let her reel you back in. She still blames you for her calling the police, which means she isn’t sorry and would do it again. Her losing you as a babysitter is a consequence of her actions.

[Reddit User] −  “She said that if I checked my phone, talked to her that morning, or came back when I was supposed to, she would not have needed to call the police, and I did this to myself.”

Basically she DARVO’d (deny accuse reverse victim and offender) Not only is it gross to up and decide to not watch the kids as per your agreement because she is mad at you, indeed take it out on the kids, but also to “let you know” by text after you had already left. She was trying to create another argument.

She beyond escalated this to a place it never should have gone – calling the the police and risking your licensure.Your mom and bro need to take a flying leap tho for encouraging you to sweep this under the rug. She has shown you her true colors.

Now believe her and follow your gut instinct of cutting her out. And if she complains that she has to leave her work, remind whichever flying monkey she sends to harass you, that she *did this to herself*. NTA OP. ETA : Yay! My first award ever! Thank you! ❤️. ETA 2:. AwardS! ❤️❤️ And someone pointed out the A in darvo is attack. Ty. I’m just glad accuse is not that far off.

snarkyNavi −  Nta. She wanted to escalate it, enjoy the outcome of the escalation. I’m annoyed that the brother and mil aren’t telling her that she effed up

Embarrassed-Newt-573 −  NTA.1. She’s so lacking in impulse control that she didn’t game out the very reasonable and obvious consequences of calling the police. A lack of common sense isn’t a great trait in a childcare provider..

2. Her apology is self-serving. 3. Even if you returned to the prior caregiving arrangement you would never again have confidence that she won’t try a similar stunt.

redsoxx1996 −  NTA. I think there is more than one story about that: 1. Yeah. She’s apologized – and told you it was really your fault for not checking your phone. Poor her. She didn’t have a choice, right?

2. She didn’t even think that her calling the police could have consequences like that? That’s not just evil, that’s… stupid. Toddler-like stupid.

3. It ist not about forgiving, I guess, it is about trust. I would never trust her again with anything. Never. Maybe next time she’s having a tantrum she’ll decide that you abused her children?

[Reddit User] −  NTA. She was putting your job, your livelihood, parental rights to your kids, on the line. She was willing to risk hurting the kids despite them not having any control over the situation.

Now she’s upset because she might lose her job?? You’re totally fine for not wanting to have your *children* stay with this unpredictable loose cannon. Edit: idk how these work but thank you for coins

Practical_Sir_133 −  NTA and uhmmmm WOW! She is deranged for taking it that far. I wouldn’t trust her around my kids after that. She had no regards for you or your job/family/kids by calling the police over nothing but her need to be petty.

My suggestion would be to stay away from her and you don’t need to explain yourself. What she did speaks for itself and you need to protect yourself and your family by staying away from her.

Apprehensive_Sand_77 −  NTA. What on earth was she thinking? That she could be a baby about things and there would be no consequences? Your kids were WITH THE POLICE.

Doesn’t she think it was scary for them to be taken by the police because mom didn’t leave work quickly enough on such short notice? Doesn’t she think this would be stressful for you? Just because there were no consequences, doesn’t mean consequences were IMPOSSIBLE.

No, OP, don’t give in on this. i’m very furious in your behalf and any consequences are ON HER exclusively.. EDIT: a word.
EDIT 2: I made a mistake and realized the cops didn’t actually take the kids. I don’t think it’s relevant either way. She was a huge j**k.

m33chm −  NTA. Not even a little bit. She didn’t tell you during the argument she wasn’t going to watch your kids the next day, she waited for you to be on your way to drop them off to tell you.

Then expected you to be able to just instantly walk out of work, pray there isn’t any traffic, and get to her house in 45 minutes (which is usually a 40 minute drive). Then deliberately tried to f*** up your life and career over a miscommunication. What a b****.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. An apology does not mean you have to revert back to the relationship you had before. You absolutely can move on, by having a polite in-law relationship.

Not by giving her the opportunity to be a raging b**** and royally s**ew you again. Her finances aren’t your problem.

Was the Reddit user justified in cutting ties with the childcare arrangement, or should they have forgiven their sister-in-law for the sake of family? How would you handle such a situation involving trust and miscommunication?

Share your opinions and insights in the comments below!