AITA for not attending my family’s Thanksgiving Lunch due to company visiting?

A Reddit user explains their decision to skip Thanksgiving lunch with their boyfriend’s dad’s family after their request to bring a close cousin as a guest was denied. Balancing logistics and hosting responsibilities, the couple faced backlash for choosing to prioritize their own plans. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not attending my family’s Thanksgiving Lunch due to company visiting?’

To start, my boyfriend’s parents have been divorced for over 20 years. His cousin—let’s call her Jane—from his mom’s side of the family is driving seven hours with her two dogs to spend Thanksgiving with us. My boyfriend and I are very close with Jane, and play games online several times a week.

Knowing this might become an issue as Thanksgiving approached, I texted my boyfriend’s dad back in July to ask if it would be okay for Jane to join his family’s Thanksgiving lunch. His response was, “Why isn’t \[boyfriend\] asking this?” and that was the end of the conversation.

Fast forward to October, my boyfriend mentioned to his dad multiple times that Jane would be staying with us over Thanksgiving, but no specific discussion about the family lunch took place since it was still early. Last week, my boyfriend’s dad texted us the lunch plans and asked if we were bringing our usual gourmet mac and cheese.

My boyfriend replied that we were still figuring out our plans. Later that night, my boyfriend called his dad and asked if Jane could come along to the family lunch. His dad implied that it would be inappropriate for someone from his ex-in-laws’ family to attend.

For context, he has only met Jane once at a wedding 10 years ago, and the divorce happened before Jane was even born. His dad suggested we come to lunch for just an hour. However, this didn’t make sense for us because:

1. They live 40 minutes away (over an hour round trip). 2. Lunch never starts on time, meaning we’d be stuck there longer.
3. We’d likely face guilt-tripping for leaving early. 4. We still needed to cook for our own Thanksgiving dinner, which would be nearly impossible if we attended.

We kindly explained that if Jane couldn’t join, we wouldn’t be able to make it to lunch. This sparked a huge argument. So, are we the assholes for deciding not to go to my boyfriend’s family lunch?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Cali-GirlSB −  I’d ignore any phone calls or texts over this. You’ve made your decision, you’re adults, it’s done. NTA, have fun with Jane.

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. You’re allowed to have your own personal plans for Thanksgiving. The attitude for those sorts of large celebratory events is, usually, the more the merrier; and with more mouths to fee, the less leftovers there are.

fernswordgirl432 −  NTA. “Sorry, we are hosting a guest this year, and as she’s not welcome, we feel it’s unkind for us to leave her to have lunch on her own. She’s made an effort to travel to us and we will be ensuring this is a good visit.”

Perfect_Ring3489 −  Nta. You have plans. You made them known months ago. If they wont accommodate ye now, do your own thing. They sound very difficult

pixie-ann −  You are not the arseholes for not going to Thanksgiving at your boyfriend’s Dad’s house but what is with all the ridiculous pussyfooting around the issue and leaving it until the last minute to properly ask the question?

I recognise you did ask the question months ago OP and the dad was irritatingly obtuse and refused to answer, but why did your boyfriend take so long to properly ask instead of just dropping hints?

East_Parking8340 −  No. Your BF’s father is the A H.

Few-Product-9937 −  Absolutely NTA. It’s inappropriate of bf’s dad to have been so rude when you first asked him about Jane. It’s also really rude of him to expect you to drop your plans, leave your guest alone on Thanksgiving. He needs to not take his bitterness about the divorce out on the three of you. Good luck and have a happy thanksgiving!

Miserable_Dentist_70 −  You have a guest. They refused to accommodate your guest. End of story.. NTA

Edymnion −  NTA. “We told you we would have a prior commitment. We tried to compromise, you said no. So, we are honoring our prior commitment.”. That simple.

Bandie909 −  NTA. Time to make your own traditions. My family of origin lived 2 hours away by car, in an area of the country where Thanksgiving snow storms are very common. I work in health care and always have to work the day after Thanksgiving.

My sister started hosting in my home town but didn’t want to serve dinner until 7 pm, meant I would be driving home very late. So I just said “I won’t make it this year” and told them why.

Maybe there were hurt feelings but since no one considered my safety or convenience when setting the time, I didn’t care. I invited some friends over and we had a potluck meal and it was way more fun than the family dinner. Never went to the family Thanksgiving again.. NTA

Was it reasonable for the couple to decline the invitation under the circumstances, or should they have made more effort to attend even without their guest? How would you handle balancing family obligations and hosting duties? Share your thoughts below!