AITA for not attending my boyfriend’s college graduation?

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A 20-year-old woman (20F) is conflicted about not attending her boyfriend’s (21M) college graduation. Their relationship has been long-distance, and they’ve supported each other through tough times.

However, her college finals are the same weekend, with a key final exam Friday morning, which conflicts with his graduation at 2 PM. The long travel time and expense make it difficult for her to attend.

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Her boyfriend is upset, feeling hurt by her absence, and has been aggressive in expressing his disappointment. Despite her guilt, she feels she cannot skip the final or afford the travel. She wonders if she’s wrong for not attending. read the original story below…

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‘ AITA for not attending my boyfriend’s college graduation?’

My (20F) boyfriend (21M) is graduating college this Friday. However, his college is over 1000 miles away from mine, and I have a final the morning of his graduation. He’s really upset that I won’t be there.

For context on our relationship, him and I met over a year and a half ago and instantly had a connection. We couldn’t stay away from each other even with the distance.

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Over time, we’ve supported each other through a lot, including some really difficult situations on his end involving d**th and an injury. While I always wanted to make things official, I knew he needed time to heal.

Over the summer we would talk all night about what he was going through then I’d get up early and go to work. Eventually, he did ask me to be his girlfriend in a really sweet way when we saw each other in person.

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So, this situation. I’m double majoring in two types of engineering, and this semester has been especially tough. I should be spending the weekend studying as I need to do really well. I have 5 finals total all in really difficult subjects.

The first one is not during finals week though. It’s this Friday morning from 9–10 AM. His graduation is at 2 PM. All available flights take around 16 hours of total travel time. There are some that are a bit less but nothing even close to only 4 hours.

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Plus, all are upwards of $700. Last night, I saw he sent me a message about how he really wanted me at his graduation. I FaceTimed him hoping to talk but when he answered he looked like something was really wrong.

On the outside he was telling me he knows why I can’t go but was still very aggressive about it and acting like it was not ok. I asked if he expects me to just skip my final and he said no but kept repeating “that’s just reality.”

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After going in circles with that for a while he mentioned how people at his graduation will ask where I am. He said people he’s rejected will be there and will think, “How great can this girl be if she can’t even make the effort to go to his graduation?”

He also pointed out how others are going out of their way to make the drive or get on a plane to be there for him. I kept saying I feel incredibly guilty and will make it up to him somehow plus watch the livestream.

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Then he said he doesn’t care if I watch the live stream as it doesn’t mean anything because I won’t be there. He said he was looking forward to sharing all the graduation traditions with me the day before and after and for me to meet everyone that’s important to him.

I said again I really wished I could be there and in a super annoyed tone said “that’s reality but if you really wanted to be there I believe you could.” I can see myself spending my life with him and really want to find a solution or a way to make it up to him.

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We truly have had some amazing memories and share a lot of special things. But he makes me feel like it’s all my fault when I can’t change anything. So, AITA for not attending my boyfriend’s graduation?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

TheAngerMonkey −  NTA and why are you even CONSIDERING this? As a sometimes-college professor: DO NOT skip your final, kid. Your brain is worth a hell of a lot more than this dude’s boring-ass graduation and, frankly, so is your time.

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The fact that he can’t see this is likely because he’s 21. Move on with your life. Any dude who’s attitude is “yeah, your future, but also: can you travel 1000 miles to sit and look at me for hours while boring people bloviate about whatever?” is not long-term partner material. There’s no “solution” for you to find, he’s just being a child.

ParagonOfAdequacy −  I can see myself spending my life with him and really want to find a solution or a way to make it up to him. . Why? His sole priority is himself. He doesn’t care about you; he wants you to blow off a final exam, possibly trashing your degree.

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This will be a pattern for the future. He said people he’s rejected will be there and will think, “How great can this girl be if she can’t even make the effort to go to his graduation?”

So his main reason for wanting you there is to trot you out in front of people he’s rejected (or who rejected him, more likely), so he can say, “Ha! I told you I could find someone!” He also pointed out how others are going out of their way to make the drive or get on a plane to be there for him.

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So he shamed and guilted everyone else into it. Good for him. Seriously, if you want to spend your life deferring to someone who doesn’t really give a r**’s ass about you, go for it. But, if you value yourself and your achievements, this is not the guy for you.. **NTA**

LowBalance4404 −  How great can this girl be if she can’t even make the effort to go to his graduation? He could open his mouth and tell people that you have a final that same day.

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NTA, but I do have to ask you this – is this really someone who you want to spend your life with? Look at this current situation and magnify it to something like your career.

Is he going to continue to punish you and pout if you can’t go to dinner with him because you have to work late to finish a deadline? Is he going to be aggressive when something comes before what he wants?

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What all will you have to sacrifice for this guy who is intentionally making you feel guilty for something that is out of your control?

squirrelsareevil2479 −  NTA. Look at his behaviour now. It’s all about him. He just doesn’t care that it would severely damage your education to miss a final. HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT THE DAMAGE TO YOU.

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He expects you to miss your final and travel 16 hours and spend at least $700 to go to his graduation to appease people you’ve never met. It’s all about why won’t you do this for him and you would do it if you loved him. This is pure manipulation.

You go to his grad and you’ll probably never have your own because something he wants will be more important. Your career means nothing to him, you mean nothing to him other than how you reflect on him.

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Re-reading what you wrote, it’s all about how you supported him, how you waited for him and how you stayed up all night talking about him. There is nothing there about what he has ever done for you except for exist.

You have great memories of what? Keep the memories and lose this guy or this will be your future. Everything will revolve around him and what he wants. You are at best an afterthought. Make the right choice for you and go to your final.

DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA −  NTA. He said people he’s rejected will be there snd will think, “How great can this girl be if she can’t even make the effort to go to his graduation?” First off, what does he mean by this?

Why is is worried about the opinions of others, especially the ones he claims he rejected. That is a weird thing to say to try to make a point. That said, does he not realize the importance of finals? I would think he would know given…he is a college graduate. Your boyfriend is being selfish and not understanding

pottersquash −  NTA. He said people he’s rejected will be there and will think, “How great can this girl be if she can’t even make the effort to go to his graduation?” Excuse me? Why does he care what people he rejected think?

Does he honestly think people there for their own graduation or graduation of their own loved ones are worried bout who he has present? Or is your relationship really nothing more than some status to him? Either way, AH move.

I was fine with him calling to whine/vent/be sad. I think thats fair and valid but when he makes it about others, my warning bells go off.

El_Culero_Magnifico −  This is a guy you see spending your life with? Someone who emotionally blackmails you? He knows you have finals, yet keeps pushing you to drop everything, fly for 16 hours, just so you can be there with him for a f**king ceremony?

Look at how little value he puts on your needs. This is a f**king test he is subjecting you to, yet he is the one failing it. NTA by a mile!

Specialist_Badger934 −  “that’s reality but if you really wanted to be there I believe you could.” Ask him how exactly he believes you could be there. Even if you left the second your final was over, you would not arrive on time.

So either he wants you to skip your final, which makes him the a**hole, or he wants you to warp time to get there after your final, which still makes him the A. You are NTA, don’t skip your final and jeopardize your education for a boy that seems to only care about his wants.

ExcellentBet1109 −  Babe, as a 21 year old girl all I had to read was the first sentence of this post. Your boyfriend is selfcentered. You’re telling me he can’t say “oh she wished she could be here but she is writing her final for blank class!!”

You have a FINAL to write the day of his graduation. I’m sure you were very upset about the fact that you can’t make it, I know I would be. But at the end of the day you’re studying and prepping for your own final that unfortunately falls on the day of his grad.

He should be supportive of you, and prioritizing that over his feelings about you missing his ceremony. This is your future and livelihood. You two could’ve celebrated in your own way after your final and his grad, yes on a separate day.

And all could’ve been fine, but from what I’ve seen from the comments this guys an ass. Most people wouldn’t guilt trip you and be aggressive over this…. It’s definitely not a green flag. It’s out of your control that you have to miss this grad.

He’s the a**hole and you should maybe reconsider your relationship. I’m going to Mexico in 8 days with my family and missing Christmas AND my boyfriend’s 21st birthday.

We’ve been together for 3years next month and you can bet all of your money if my boyfriend was guilting me about my trip, I’d be sitting him down for sure. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this on what’s already a busy and stressful week. Study for your final and ace that s**t girl, think about him after.

Is the woman wrong for prioritizing her finals over attending her boyfriend’s graduation, or is his reaction unfair? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!

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