AITA for not attending my best friend’s wedding because I couldn’t support her choice of marrying her ex-husband?

A Redditor faces a tough decision after choosing not to attend their best friend’s wedding, as they can’t support her decision to remarry her ex-husband, given the troubled history of their first marriage.

While the friend sees the reconciliation as a chance for happiness, the Redditor feels uncomfortable endorsing the relationship. Read the full story below for more context.

‘ AITA for not attending my best friend’s wedding because I couldn’t support her choice of marrying her ex-husband?’

So, my best friend (let’s call her Sarah) went through a pretty rough divorce a few years ago. She was married to a guy for 7 years, and it ended terribly. They were separated for a while, but just recently, they decided to get back together.

Now she’s planning to marry him again, and she invited me to the wedding. I know Sarah’s decision to reconcile is her choice, but I can’t shake off the bad memories of how he treated her. It feels like a huge step backward, and I just don’t feel comfortable supporting this.

I’ve told her I won’t attend the wedding, and now she’s really hurt, saying I’m not supporting her and our friendship might be on the line.
AITA for not being able to support her decision, even if it makes her happy?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Thortok2000 −  NAH. * I just don’t feel comfortable supporting this.*. * saying I’m not supporting her*. She’s right.. You’re not.
Because you’re not comfortable doing so. You are setting a boundary, and friends respect boundaries. If she can’t respect your boundary, she’s not a friend.

That said, if it’s risking your friendship, I would definitely evaluate your stated boundary closely and make sure it absolutely is how you feel, exactly and unequivocally.

If there’s any potential details from her point of view that could be provided that could change your mind, then I’d ascertain that said details are nonexistent before drawing the line in the sand.

SidAnkle −  INFO – Did you attend their first wedding? Because if so, I’d say it’s totally unreasonable for any couple to expect anyone to attend their wedding . . . twice.

If you attended wedding #1, I wouldn’t even get into it with her that you’re protesting her decision to marry him again, that you think she’s making a mistake, etc. I’d just say “No thanks, I’ve already been to your wedding, you should give someone else a chance to go this time.”

DinaFelice −  now she’s really hurt. I bet. Her friend just told her that she won’t attend her wedding — not due to timing or a logistical reason, but specifically as an act of protest — so of course she would feel hurt. saying I’m not supporting her

Um, yeah. You literally are *not* supporting her. It’s even in the title of the post. our friendship might be on the line. Not surprising. NAH, but I’m confused what you thought would happen. Attending a wedding isn’t an endorsement of the marriage (if it was, I assure you that many weddings would be much more sparsely attended)…

That’s closer to the role of the officiant. At *most*, attendance at a wedding is support of at least one of the participants and their right to make the choice. You are saying that your friend is making such a huge mistake that you cannot even be present while she makes it.

And lest she think that it was due to some other reason, you made sure to tell her that this was absolutely a deliberate choice. Which is fine morally (which is why you aren’t an AH), but is hardly the stuff of continued friendship.

Inner-Try-1302 −  Nah. She’s allowed to be hurt and you’re allowed to not support her lunacy. Honestly people like this are emotionally exhausting to be around.

They make bad decisions and want you to be a sympathetic ear while they have emotional vomit all over you, then turn around and want your support for more of their bad decisions.  You’re allowed to opt out.  

ynfive −  NTA. The best friends are those who tell you what you don’t want to hear, and you know they are right, so you never want to see them again.

aphraea −  I was in this position. A friend broke up with her partner of 7 years who’d always treated her like s**t. All her friends hated him because she’d complained about him relentlessly to every single one of us: turned up in tears at our houses, called crying after fights,

screamed down the phone for hours about how much she hated him when he went to see his affair partner as soon as she broke up with him. I think we all breathed a huge sigh of relief when the relationship ended.

They were back together within six months and then got married. I promptly stopped reaching out to her. I’m not wasting my energy on someone who takes, takes, takes, and never gives any support back.

She sent me a few “Oh it’s a shame we aren’t close any more, I don’t really know what happened!!!!” messages after about a year. Like. Girl. You know what happened. It’s okay to stop being friends with someone when they make choices that you can’t abide.

Eastern_Shallot5482 −  NAH. You just have to decide if you want this friendship or not. If you do, go to the wedding and don’t risk it. And feel free to share your emotions with your friend.

If you are willing to risk it to make a point then don’t go, but also don’t be surprised. Just know that whatever choice you make, she’s still getting married. What hill do you want to die on?

k23_k23 −  NAH. But the friendship is over.

Acrobatic-Look-7812 −  NAH. But this is a big decision. If you don’t go, you don’t support them or her so your friendship is over. They go hand in hand. Can you support her this time round or is it time to walk away?

Charming-Ganache5532 −  OP, why is she marrying him again? What changed? NTA, She didn’t learn her lesson the first time, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to waste your energy to hear it all again. Best of luck.

Was the Redditor right to prioritize their own feelings about the groom’s past behavior over their friendship with Sarah? Or should they have attended the wedding to show support, despite their reservations? How would you handle a friend’s decision to return to a problematic relationship? Share your thoughts below!