AITA for Not Attending My Best Friend’s Wedding After She Asked Me to Be a Bridesmaid?

A Reddit user shared a story about declining to attend her best friend Julia’s wedding after being removed from the bridal party. Originally asked to be a bridesmaid, the Redditor was later informed that budget constraints required Julia to reduce the number of bridesmaids.

Hurt by the decision, especially after being involved in the wedding planning, the Redditor chose not to attend the wedding, feeling uncomfortable as just a guest. Julia was upset, calling her selfish, and mutual friends agreed. Read the full story below to see if the decision was justified.

‘ AITA for Not Attending My Best Friend’s Wedding After She Asked Me to Be a Bridesmaid?’

I (19F) have been best friends with Julia (22F) since high school. We’ve always been close, and I’ve supported her through many important moments in her life. When Julia got engaged, she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was thrilled and agreed without hesitation.

However, a few months before the wedding, Julia called me with some news. She said that due to budget constraints, she would need to make some cuts and had decided to reduce the number of bridesmaids. She said she felt terrible, but she had to choose someone else over me. Julia also mentioned that she would still love for me to attend the wedding as a guest.

I was hurt by this sudden change and felt undervalued, especially since I had been so involved in helping with wedding planning up to that point. I decided to be honest with Julia about my feelings. I told her that I was disappointed and that I needed some time to process it. I also mentioned that if I couldn’t be a bridesmaid, I might not feel comfortable attending the wedding.

Julia seemed upset but understood. She said she hoped I would still come and celebrate with her, even if I wasn’t a bridesmaid. I took some time to think about it and eventually decided not to attend. I felt like my presence as a guest would just highlight my exclusion from the bridal party, and I didn’t want to feel like an afterthought.

When Julia found out, she was very hurt and angry. She told me I was being s**fish and that my absence would cast a shadow over her special day. Our mutual friends also think I’m being unreasonable and should have just attended as a guest.

I feel conflicted. I understand that weddings can be stressful and that plans change, but I also feel like my feelings were dismissed. AITA for choosing not to attend the wedding after being removed from the bridal party?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Key-Finance-9102 −  Is this worth giving up a friendship for? If you snub her wedding like this, then that’s what you’re choosing to do.
Attend the wedding, be gracious and celebrate your friend.

If someone makes a comment, you can choose to be TA or you can choose to take the higher road, swallow your pride and remember that the day should be about your friend, not you. Yes, you may feel disappointed but you’re not the main character here.

spirituallysick5591 −  I don’t understand how reducing a bridesmaid would help financially. Anytime I’ve been in the wedding party, I’ve paid for everything (dress, makeup, hair, etc) and I thought that was the norm.

What would the bride be paying for that an extra bridesmaid would put her over budget? Without an answer to that, I’ll say NTA because it sounds like she wanted to cut you from the wedding party and gave a l**e excuse why.

Housing99 −  I’m wondering how cutting a bridesmaid who was then invited as a guest had any effect on the budget?
You have a right to feel however you feel. If it’s more hurtful to go to the wedding as a guest after all this then don’t go.. NTA.

sugarmag13 −  A lot missing from this story.

embopbopbopdoowop −  INFO: do you have any reason to believe she lied about why she was reducing the number of bridesmaids or that she has otherwise taken advantage of you?

OnlyOnTuesdays289 −  If you don’t attend, the friendship will end.
Decide if you want to give her some grace over the difficult decision she had to make because of their budget.
You don’t have to give her grace, but if you don’t, then you won’t attend. And the friendship will almost certainly end because of this.

jx1854 −  A wedding invite is not a summons. It’s NTA to not attend. You didnt do anything wrong.

alwaysjimmies −  I’m wondering if the fact that OP is under 21 factored in. That would limit bachelorette options.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. She did what she felt like doing, and you thought she was your best friend. Now you’re doing what you feel like doing.

kravin_mohead −  INFO: What was the bride paying for that she had to cut?