AITA for not asking my MIL nicely to hand over the baby for feeding?

Home should be a sanctuary where a new mom can care for her baby in peace, but sometimes family dynamics intrude in the most frustrating ways. In this story, a 22-year-old new mom recounts how her mother-in-law repeatedly kept her 5‑week‑old son for long periods, preventing her from feeding him on schedule. Despite knowing that her baby needs to be fed every two hours, she was forced to beg for him, only to be met with resistance and dismissive comments.

After an emotionally charged night of demands and heated words—culminating in her telling her MIL to “f**k off”—she now wonders if her reaction was too harsh. With her partner accusing her of disrespect and her MIL hurt by the outburst, she is left questioning if she’s the asshole for asserting her right to feed her own child without interference.

‘ AITA for not asking my MIL nicely to hand over the baby for feeding?’

Expert Opinion:

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family boundaries, explains, “New mothers are in a delicate phase where every minute counts. When someone repeatedly interferes with essential caregiving—like feeding—a firm, assertive response is both healthy and necessary.” Her words emphasize that a mother’s ability to feed her baby on time is non-negotiable and must be respected by everyone involved.

Furthermore, Dr. Markham notes, “Boundaries in family dynamics, especially regarding newborn care, are critical. When an in-law oversteps, it’s not about being ungrateful but about preserving the emotional and physical well-being of both mother and child.” This perspective validates the need to speak up when personal space and caregiving routines are invaded.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman adds, “Healthy families thrive on mutual respect and clear communication. When someone continuously disrupts a critical routine like feeding, it’s essential to set boundaries, even if that means causing temporary hurt feelings.”

His insight suggests that while a gentle reminder might be ideal in theory, constant disregard for the mother’s role in caring for her baby can quickly lead to overwhelming stress. Dr. Gottman further explains, “A parent’s primary responsibility is to their child. In cases where family members impede that responsibility, assertiveness is justified.

It’s not an act of aggression but a necessary measure to ensure that the baby’s needs are met.” By emphasizing that caregiving should be free from external interference, both experts agree that the new mom’s decision to demand her baby be handed over for feeding was a necessary stand against encroachment.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Several redditors expressed strong support, with one user writing, “You’re a new mom—you deserve to feed your baby without having to chase after your MIL. Setting boundaries is crucial, and your reaction is completely understandable.” Their comments resonated with many who believe that caregiving should remain the mother’s priority.

Another group shared personal experiences of dealing with overbearing in-laws. One commenter stated, “I’ve had family members intrude on my parenting time, and it’s infuriating. You have every right to insist on your own time with your baby. Sometimes, you just need to be assertive.” Their shared stories underscored the importance of self-advocacy in maintaining essential routines.

In the end, insisting on your right to feed your baby on schedule is not about being confrontational—it’s about protecting your child’s well-being and your ability to care for him properly. While your outburst may have been harsh, it was the culmination of repeated invasions of your personal caregiving time. This case raises an important question: When do we draw the line between helpful family involvement and overbearing interference in parenting?

What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Have you ever had to assert your boundaries in the face of relentless intrusion? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the delicate balance of family involvement and personal caregiving time.