AITA for not apologizing to my husband after giving my sister in law some of the towels he had sitting in a box from 3 years ago?
In a recent Reddit post, a woman (29F) shares a conflict with her husband (30M) regarding her decision to give away some towels that had been sitting in a box for three years. While cleaning, she found a pack of 50 bar towels and gave 12 to her sister-in-law without asking her husband, who later reacted angrily when he discovered this.
The husband insisted that she should have consulted him before giving away the towels, leading to a heated argument where he yelled at her in front of their family. She refuses to apologize, feeling that his reaction was over the top and that she shouldn’t have to apologize for what she considers a minor issue.
‘ AITA for not apologizing to my husband after giving my sister in law some of the towels he had sitting in a box from 3 years ago?’
AITA for not apologizing to my husband after giving my sister in law some of the towels he had sitting in a box from 3 years ago. So me 29F and my husband 30M got in an argument today. I was cleaning out one of our spare rooms and going through the items to get rid of.
I found a 50 pack of bar towels and pulled them out to use in my kitchen as rags to clean the counters, tables, etc. when I did this my sister in law was over and I gave her 12 of the 50 to use at her house. My husband was not in the room at this time so he didn’t know that I offered these towels to her. When my sister in law went to leave she said thanks for the towels.
My husband heard and saw the towels at this point and said you gave my towels away? Which I responded with I gave her some of them. He then got angry and yelled you didn’t ask me if you could give those towels away. I responded with these towels were in a box in the spare room for the past 3 years and it’s just towels.
I told him he was being ridiculous. All of this was while his brother and our sister in law was sitting right there. I was so embarrassed! He has done this some in the past where he makes huge deal of a small issue. This is the first time in front of people.
A little while later he asked why I couldn’t apologize to him. I told him because he yelled at me and I wasn’t going to apologize and let him think that the way he talked to me was ok. He said I should apologize because I took his stuff without asking and giving it away.
I would ask him if it was something sentimental or like hats or shoes that he had never worn before offering it to someone or before giving it away. At the end of the argument he made it clear he was making a point by reacting that way because he is tired of just letting my behavior slide.
I was offended by this comment because I don’t think I deserve to be yelled at and embarrassed because he didn’t say anything sooner and waited until he was so mad. He ended the argument with “remember that” after I said I wasn’t apologizing. I would apologize if I felt like this wasn’t a power struggle in a sense. Or if what I gave away was important to him. Am I the a**hole for doing this and also not apologizing?
Note: we have been married for 10 years and other than these overdramatic arguments from time to time and the normal disagreements we haven’t argued much. These overdramatized arguments have started about a year ago. It has happened probably 5 times in total.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
WhereWeretheAdults − NTA. You are in a very real power struggle. Your husband thinks he is the head of you. He said he was “tired of letting your behavior slide.” That simple statement tells you that he is the judge of proper behavior and he thinks he has the authority to correct it.
This is the exact statement a parent would use with a child or a teacher to a student they are correcting. Let that thought sink in. You should be deeply offended by that comment. I would start checking his browsing history since this only started up this year. Sounds kinda red-pill.
Content-Plenty-268 − You are NTA. He’s “tired of just letting your behavior slide”? What are you, his kid? This one line is not to be overlooked — or allowed to slide, as it were. He pitches a childish fit over a dozen out of 50 bar towels (ffs!) sitting in a box, and all of this somehow becomes about you being a child too stubborn to apologize for something that is not even objectively wrong? How about no. Just no.
EmceeSuzy − You are NTA. It sounds like he may have been radicalized by consuming idiotic content online. If he is too lazy to clean the spare room he does not get to have TOWEL TANTRUMS. Do not apologize or he is going to become even more aggressive.
Specific-General-340 − INFO: Did these towels belong to him? Like, was it a box of your mixed belongings, or were they clearly his? You said you “would normally ask him if it was something sentimental or like hats or shoes that he had never worn.”
Normally, as in you’ve given away his things without his permission before? . Are y’all in a horder situation? Or… How are you justifying purging his items?
ParagonOfAdequacy − What the hell? Was he saving them for the apocalypse?. NTA.
_parenda_ − NTA but boy is my curiosity peaked! These over dramatic arguments started a year ago…what happened a year ago? I’m gonna go with my tried and true; has he been tested for a UTI?
Though it does give me a lot of pause if this is a new thing because my question is always why is it starting now and what’s happening?
Edited a word cause I’m a horrible speller.
Spinnerofyarn − NTA. A pack of 50 bar towels is obviously a pack of towels that aren’t unique or hard to obtain. Who the heck needs 50 of them, and someone who has them in a box for three years doesn’t need them at all. He never would have even noticed they were gone.
Plus his remark about letting your behavior slide is disgusting. Yes, you’re right, this is a power struggle and he’s behaving very poorly. You’re saying he’s been like this for a year? For some, depression manifests as anger and not being down.
Unless there’s an explanation for his behavior, I would say you two need to consider marriage counseling and he needs to consider talking to his doctor about his anger and seeing if he needs individual therapy. I wouldn’t put up with that, at all. I used to and never again.
DozenBia − Info: What are the other incidents he is referring to? I feel like some stuff might be missing here. (except the towels lol)
angrylilmomster − Wild, screaming over rags! Dude needs to chill!
Maximum-Swan-1009 − NTA. This is about more than towels. There is a lot of resentment here. I would tell him to pack the remainder of his towels and get out.
What do you think—should the woman have apologized to her husband for giving away the towels, or was his reaction unreasonable? How would you handle a situation where your partner reacts strongly to what seems like a minor issue? Share your thoughts in the comments!
