AITA for not allowing my sister to have her birthday party in my house?

A Reddit user and her husband recently bought their first home and were still settling in when her sister asked to host her birthday party there. Despite expressing that they weren’t ready for a large gathering and suggesting a smaller celebration, the sister went ahead and invited extended family.

This led to a family argument, with the parents calling the user selfish and ungrateful. Read the full story below to see how this disagreement unfolded.

‘ AITA for not allowing my sister to have her birthday party in my house? ‘

My husband (26M) and I (24F) just bought our first home recently, and we’ve worked incredibly hard to get here. We don’t come from money, and everything we have, we’ve earned ourselves. We are very close to my side of the family and see them nearly everyday.

I’ve always kinda been the black sheep of the family because I am the only one that has set boundaries. Anyway, a week after my husband and I moved in, my (26 F) sister sent me an invitation to her birthday party, which she planned to hold at our new house.

I want to note that she had briefly asked me about hosting the party here a few days earlier, and I told her I wasn’t sure because we still had a lot of unpacking to do. Clearly, that wasn’t a concern for her, and she went ahead and made the invitation days later, inviting extended family who live several hours away and would need to stay a night or two.

Since we’re still settling in, we don’t have extra beds or much furniture yet, and my husband and I didn’t feel ready to host what it felt like a large gathering so soon. When we haven’t even planned a housewarming party yet. Both of us work full time and have limited time to unpack, so things are moving slowly.

I told my sister that we’d be open to having a smaller, more intimate celebration—just immediate family and maybe one or two close friends. I also explained that this move has been a huge transition for me, and I’m still getting used to the new city and lifestyle, and while I wanted to celebrate her, I didn’t feel ready for a big party.

After that, she stopped responding to me. The next day, I went to my parents’ house during my lunch break, and my dad came outside to tell me that they don’t want to see me. He said I was being selfish for turning down my sister’s request, that I had hurt the whole family.

Now my family refuses to speak to me until I apologize, and they’ve called me ungrateful and a n**cissist. I don’t know if I was in the wrong or if I made a big deal about it and unintentionally hurt my family. So, AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

KaliTheBlaze −  NTA. No wonder you’ve had to set boundaries with your family! It’s utterly ridiculous that they feel like she’s entitled to your space like this.

You’d best contact those extended family members before they make travel arrangements, because it doesn’t sound like she’s going to (or, at best, she’ll tell them it’s cancelled and it’s all your fault so you’ll look terrible).

DogsReadingBooks −  NTA. You never said yes. You said that you would have to think about it. Your isster is the one who jumped the gun and started planning and inviting people. I don’t understand your dad’s comment about you hurting the whole family. That makes no sense. Definitely don’t apologise. You’ve done nothing wrong.

diminishingpatience −  NTA. I am the only one that has set boundaries.. Keep doing this. He said I was being selfish for turning down my sister’s request, that I had hurt the whole family.

Now my family refuses to speak to me until I apologize, and they’ve called me ungrateful and a n**cissist. Utter nonsense. If this party is so important, they can host it.

RocknRight −  NTA. Honestly, f**k the lot of them. If your parents are so concerned, they can host the party at their house. Also, why can’t your older sister host her own party?

Expensive_Visual_594 −  Wow. Your family is an unkind bunch. Don’t fall for it. Stand strong in your boundaries. Let your parents host. If you keep with your boundaries maybe they’ll learn them. 

kingbuggulug −  NTA. It’s completely reasonable to set boundaries, especially after just moving into a new home and still getting settled. Hosting a large party with extended family staying over is a huge ask, and it sounds like your sister completely disregarded your initial hesitation.

It also seems like she may have told your family a different story, considering how extreme their reaction is. Standing your ground doesn’t make you selfish—it just shows you’re protecting your space and peace. If your family won’t listen to your side, that’s on them, not you.

A-Strange-Peg −  **NTA** and I can see why it was necessary and difficult to set boundaries with your family. A big, red flag clue as to how your sister with treat your house is that she invited people w/o your permission. (I think you knew that.) So, secure the premises and keep these people away from your house and your life.

If you want to keep trying to have contact with your dad et al, try an e-mail: “*Dad, how do you suggest we host a party in a house when repairs/renovations are still in progress, we’re not unpacked and there are not enough chairs, and NO beds yet?

“* If he actually answers with some BS ideas, reply *”Sorry, wish we could but we just can’t.”* repeating as needed. **Sorry, in some families, being ‘the black sheep’ is the very best and wisest thing to be.**

Apprehensive_Bug_826 −  NTA. It’s your house, you decide what happens there and when and to what degree. The way your sister and family are acting is like they want you to treat it like it’s their house as well and they also have a right to it, when it suits them. Obviously that is not the case, if anyone is acting like a n**cissist it’s your sister.

WhereWeretheAdults −  NTA. You are not the black sheep because you set boundaries. You are the black sheep because sis is the favorite and your parents are a**sive. You work hard to get a home, your family immediately views it as their home that they can do with what they want. You saying no is not allowed.

That is the supposed crime they are punishing you for. Telling them no. Here’s the key in all of this. Family is calling you narcissistic for not giving in to their demands. That is what is called projection. That is what you are dealing with. That is why I name them a**sive.

Every reaction you have listed here, from you being the black sheep for standing up for yourself, sister ignoring your boundary, your parents supporting her, them using such terms as ungrateful and blaming you for what is not your fault in the least, are classic signs that you are in an a**sive relationship with your family.

misskittygirl13 −  Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Your family threatening to go NC sounds like a blessing.

Do you think the Redditor was wrong to set boundaries regarding the party, or should she have made more of an effort to accommodate her sister? How would you handle family expectations while settling into a new home? Share your thoughts below!