AITA for not allowing my husband’s friend to bring her dog to Thanksgiving dinner?

A Reddit user shares the situation of hosting Thanksgiving dinner at her small apartment and setting a no-pet rule for the gathering. When her husband’s friend, Chelsey, tried to bring her dog, the user declined, explaining it wouldn’t be comfortable in their space. Chelsey became upset and implied she wouldn’t attend without the dog. Was the user wrong for sticking to her boundary? Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for not allowing my husband’s friend to bring her dog to Thanksgiving dinner?’

My husband asked if we could host Thanksgiving this year. We usually don’t host because our apartment is small, and we don’t have guest parking, but he was really excited. We used to host events at our old place, and it was fun. Most of our guests are friends, and everyone agreed to bring a dish. One of his friends, let’s call her Chelsey, volunteered to make the turkey.

On Thanksgiving day, one of his other friends asked if she could bring her cat. I said no pets because, as mentioned, we live in a small apartment, and it’s a dinner gathering. I didn’t think it would be comfortable for anyone, including the pets.

My husband suggested we also let Chelsey know about our no-pet rule, and I agreed. I was a bit hesitant, though, because Chelsey is one of those people who likes to bring her dog everywhere. If she can’t bring the dog, she arranges for a dog sitter. In the past, she has caused some tension when her dog wasn’t allowed at other events.

I told my husband to text her to check if she was planning on bringing her dog, as I didn’t think it would be a good idea. I also offered to talk to her myself because my husband isn’t as comfortable with confrontations. He texted her, and she called afterward. He put her on speaker, and I could tell she was upset from the tone of her voice.

Chelsey told me she always brings her dog everywhere, and I pointed out that wasn’t entirely true, since we’ve been to several events where she didn’t bring the dog (which is true). She then asked why we hadn’t mentioned this before the invitation, and I explained that I didn’t think it was necessary to mention it since I assumed it was understood that bringing pets to a dinner without asking isn’t typical, especially when we don’t even have pets ourselves.

At this point, she got upset and said, “Well, I guess you’ll have Thanksgiving without a turkey then.” I was surprised because it felt like she was trying to pressure me into letting her bring the dog, implying that she wouldn’t come without it.

I don’t like being pressured, especially in my own home, so I calmly responded that I was sorry she felt that way. She then interrupted and said, “No, I feel sorry for you, since you won’t have a turkey,” and hung up. So, AITA for saying no to her bringing her dog? I feel like I was just setting a reasonable boundary, but now I’m second-guessing myself.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Tiny_Incident_2876 −  When hosting, you never depend on your guest to bring the main entree. If you can’t cook, you always find a restaurant that cooks dinner for holiday for price ,the key is always buy more.

Flower-of-Telperion −  NTA but what is with your friends? One of them wanted to bring their *cat*?! They seriously wanted to wrangle their cat into a carrier and transport it to a strange environment for a single afternoon/evening? Chelsey’s dog really can’t be alone for a few hours? Has everyone gone insane?

Kthaeh −  NTA. You set a boundary about your own home. Dog owners who assume their dogs are welcome everywhere are assholes, no matter how many people or businesses accommodate them.

Dogs were commonly left at home for centuries and did just fine. There’s absolutely no reason dogs can’t be left at home for the length of a social event these days. And if this happens to not be true about some individual dog, it’s still not everyone else’s obligation to accept that dog in any and every space.

TemptingPenguin369 −  INFO: This was a dinner on Thanksgiving Day, and on that same day, you spoke to Chelsey about not bringing her dog? Chelsey, the woman who “has caused some tension when her dog wasn’t allowed at other events”? If this is the correct timeline, ESH. Chelsey for trying to invite her dog along to everything. (I love my dog, but unless she’s explicitly invited to accompany me by the host, she stays home.)

Your husband, for not telling “his friend” that her dog wasn’t welcome, and acting as though he’s just avoiding a confrontation when no confrontation is needed. “Our place is small so no pets are invited” is not confrontational, but he dumped the job of talking to Chelsey on you.

And you, for assuming that “it was understood that bringing pets to a dinner without asking isn’t typical” when you know Chelsey always tries, and waiting till the absolute last minute to let her know her dog was not invited.

Ucyless −  NTA. Make sure you post tons of pictures of the turkey you make.

toosheeptheorist −  NTA – I have a dog, and I like to bring her along when I go places. However, I am also aware that not everywhere is appropriate to bring my dog, in which case I leave her at home. If I would like to bring my dog with me to someone’s house, no matter the reason, I check to make sure that I can bring her – I do NOT assume that I can.

Chelsey was definitely the AH in this situation in basically holding a turkey hostage. I hope you were able to salvage the dinner without her contribution. I would also rethink inviting her to your place ever again, if this is how she reacts to a simple request of leaving her pet at home.

Perfect-Ad-8582 −  NTA, not by a mile. She is for using the turkey as leverage/punishment & dropping out knowing she was in charge of the turkey. I would start distancing myself from Chelsey. Thats not a very good friend.

3boymum −  That’s called cutting off your nose to spite your own face. You may not have a turkey, but she’s not having a Thanksgiving dinner with friends.

pixie-ann −  NTA who on earth takes their cat to friend’s places for dinner? It must be a pretty unusual cat to feel comfortable enough in a stranger’s house not to wee on things or claw them. Does the friend bring litter for the cat?
Nobody should be just assuming they can bring their dog anywhere unless it’s a legitimate certified service dog and even then you give people a heads up.

Shdfx1 −  NTA. Chelsea was behaving like a horrible guest. It’s not a punishment if she refuses to come, and it wouldn’t leave you with no turkey. You’d just cook a turkey. It’s easy. It just sits in the oven a few hours getting a basted bath. There are no complicated steps.

In general, the host prepares the main dish, and people bring sides. Turkey can cook faster or slower than anticipated, depending on the internal temperature of the turkey at the start, and the oven. It’s difficult to have a turkey ready at an exact time, and then transporting a large, hot, juicy turkey, with a dog in the car, would be a logistical feat.

Where you were wrong was waiting until Thanksgiving day to have this discussion. It appears someone else asking to bring her cat triggered the thought to calm Chelsea. Realistically, you know she brings her dog everywhere she can.