AITA for not allowing my friend to move with my and my children’
A 32-year-old widow with three young kids allowed her friend Trish and Trish’s two children to stay in her renovated garage six months ago when Trish had nowhere to go. The widow recently bought a new house and informed Trish she would need to move out in 30-45 days, as there isn’t space for Trish’s family at the new place.
However, Trish was shocked and said she didn’t think the widow would move without her, claiming she would now be homeless. Despite the widow suggesting income-based housing and job options, Trish refuses to work or use daycare for her kids, insisting that the widow has enough money to help.
The widow is sticking to her decision, leaving Trish upset and accusing everyone of abandoning her.
‘ AITA for not allowing my friend to move with my and my children’
I am a 32YO widow to three young children. We live in a small but cute three bedroom that is too small for us but do to cost of living and COVID we ended up renting the home longer than originally expected.
The house has a renovated garage type space in the back and about 6 months ago my friend “Trish” asked if she could stay because she had no where to go with her two kids. I told her that’s fine but that I would not be renewing my lease because I am purchasing a home.
Trish has not saved up any money or gotten a job. I reminded her last week that I would start putting in offers on homes this week. We put in a offer this past Friday and found out today that i was accepted. I let Trish know that I if things went well we would be leaving in 30-45 days.
She asked me about the house and then said that the house doesn’t have a space for her and her kids but otherwise it was perfect. I thought she was joking and said that once we get settled we will figure out something for sleep overs with the kids. Trish seemed totally taken off guard.
She said that she didn’t think I was really going to move without her and that she had no where to go and she would be homeless. She called her sister and her sister said no she can’t stay because their grandmother already lives there and there is no more space Trish is now freaking out and saying that we’ve all turned our back on her.
Her parents don’t have their own place nor do her grandparents. I recommended income based housing a job but she said she doesn’t want to put er kids in day care. She says that I have more than enough money to help her and still buy a house ( I work two jobs and have busted my b**t to buy this house and have enough money for furniture and everything to be the way I want).
I basically told her I can’t help her and the lights will be out September 15th. AITA for leaving her with no where to go?
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Aggressive-Mind-2085 − NTA. . You gave her 6 months.. She is not working, and she is not planning to work – her plan is to exploit YOU.
BallantyneR − Trish is not your friend, she is angling to be your dependent – trailing her two kids with her. I wouldn’t let her have your new address, if you haven’t already given it. I’d be very careful about allowing her entry to your new home at all for that matter.
NTA. And no sleepovers for the kids. She’ll try to leave them with you, or stay herself. Watch out for all mail, make sure there’s nothing with her name coming to your new address, she might try to claim residency.
thecarolinamama − Thank you. I often feel conflicted I was raised to be kind of s**fish and take care of myself before anyone else ( of course take care of my kids too) so for the last year I’ve been pretty frugal and focused and wasn’t sure if that was hindering being a kind person
SnooDoughnuts4691 − No idea why people think you are obligated to help them financially when they refuse to help themselves. You gave plenty of time and help.. NTA
mcmxcven − NTA but you need to put your kids first. The house was already small with 4 people and you added an additional 3. Don’t let her guilt trip you. Your kids need space and privacy to grow. You are not her partner to be financially supporting her
thecarolinamama − I texted her about when she was leaving ( at y’all’s recommendation) . Her response was that she’s going to her great grandparents house. Her kids are already there and she’s packing her van and says she won’t be staying here tonight since I want her gone 🤷♀️
Sugar_Mama76 − Lemme get this right. She wants you to keep working two jobs so she doesn’t have to get one? She’ll try to use guilt, begging and the single mom card to get a key to your new place. And the fact that nobody else will take her in means she’s already burned those bridges.
But here’s the thing…you worked, saved, took care of your kids and did it all. So can she. If she wanted to. So congrats on saving up and getting a house in this economy. Not easy. Now go enjoy it, let the kids decorate and get that furniture you’ve saved for.
thecarolinamama − So I texted her and told her that packers and a cleaning service is coming and I asked her what day she planned to leave. She responded back that she is going to live with her great grandma
baka-tari − Trish is leaving **herself** with nowhere to go. Were you “turning your back on her” when you gave her a place to stay? She should’ve used that time to line up her own place, especially knowing you’d be ending your lease at the current place. OP is NTA, but Trish definitely is with her sense of entitlement.
ProfPlumDidIt − NTA. You may be her friend, but she is not yours. She’s only using you.
Is the widow wrong for prioritizing her family’s well-being and refusing to continue supporting her friend, or is Trish taking advantage of her generosity? What would you do in this situation? Share your thoughts below!