AITA for not allowing my foster parents to put parental controls on the iphone my biological parents bought me?

A 15-year-old foster child received a new iPhone 16 Pro Max as an early Christmas gift from his biological father. His foster parents, who heavily restricted his previous phone (bought by them), insist on applying the same controls to his new phone, despite it being a gift from his biological dad.

The teen feels this is unfair, as the foster parents didn’t buy the phone, and their justification contradicts their earlier reasoning. He’s now considering contacting his social worker to challenge their decision. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not allowing my foster parents to put parental controls on the iphone my biological parents bought me?’

I (15M) have lived with my current foster parents since I was 9 years old but I’ve been in foster care since I was 6. I will call my foster parents ‘Henry’ and ‘Erin’. I got a new phone as an early christmas present from my biological dad, it is an iphone 16 pro max, which is the phone I wanted so I am very happy about it.

My previous phone was an iphone 11 and it was bought by Henry and Erin. On my old phone Henry and Erin had set up loads of parental controls on it, so I couldn’t download any apps without them approving it, I couldn’t turn off share my location, I couldn’t change my passcode,

it would lock everything except their contacts at 8pm every night until after school and they had a timelimit on youtube so I could only watch it for 30 mins within the time where my phone was unlocked anyway and I could only go on websites that they approved off (like there was a list that I could go on and I couldn’t go on anything that they didn’t manually add to that list).

These all really annoyed me, but whenever I asked for them to be turned off they told me that they bought the phone and so these were the rules. Now I was given my new phone by my dad on monday and I haven’t used it yet because they’re telling me that I have to let them put the same restrictions on the new phone as they did my old phone.

I said no because that isn’t fair, I should be allowed to use my phone as my dad says because he paid for it. I said to them that my dad paid for the phone so it was his choice and that he doesn’t want me to have those restrictions on.

But now they’ve changed and said it doens’t matter who bought the phone even though that was their whole point before. Now theyre saying that because I am living with them I have to follow their rules and the rule for having a phone in this house is that they put restrictions on it.

I don’t think that is fair at all considering they didn’t buy the phone?? I don’t see how they can do this? Before I got home from school on monday they took the phone out of the box my dad sent it in and set up all the restrictions and now I’m trying to figure out a way to take them off.

I am thinking about complaining to my social worker because it is not fair that they put these restrictions on my phone even though they didn’t pay for it?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Ivetafox −  NAH They don’t have a choice. The foster agency I worked with insisted that parental controls were on and were quite strict about what was/wasn’t allowed. It’s really common to prevent vulnerable minors being exploited and if something happened to you while in their care,

they could be prosecuted for not safeguarding you and also banned from fostering again. It sucks because this isn’t your fault. It’s not even that you’re not trusted by them, they *have* to do this. The guidance for foster parents is insane honestly. The amount of hoops you have to jump through to protect yourself from accusations are beyond belief.

EmbarrassedIdea3169 −  The “my bio dad should be the one to set the rules since he bought it” argument isn’t going to fly, I’m afraid. He isn’t your legal guardian and hasn’t been for almost a decade.

To lose custody of someone who is 6 and to keep it lost nearly a decade is a sign that the courts and the child welfare system don’t see him as capable of making decisions like that.  If you have rational reasons why some of their restrictions are too much you can argue those.

DamnitGravity −  Maybe use this as an opportunity to re-negotiate what controls are placed on it. Keep the location tracking as that’s important for you own safety (even though I’m sure you hate it),

and see if you can get them to agree to letting you be able to look at whatever websites you want (with the exception of adult websites, of course). Agree to keeping a passcode they know, but allow you to watch YouTube for longer. Give and take, that’s the key here. Some you might win, some you might not.

Given them a chance to trust you, and give yourself a chance to prove you can be trusted. It does sound like they’re a bit constrictive in your phone use, but I don’t know you, perhaps you need those controls for whatever reason. Or perhaps, as I said, this is a chance for you to prove you’re able to be responsible.. ETA: Wow, thanks for the award!

tosser9212 −  While I might argue that a 15 year old’s restrictions on their phone should be different than a phone received when younger, as in theory that 15 year old should be more mature and capable than say, the same person at 12, I can’t reasonably say that 15 year old should have no restrictions,

and it is the responsibility of the parents to determine what restrictions to put in place. So yeah, a gentle YTA on this one. Your bio dad is in your life, but he’s not the one who’s responsible for you. For recourse, I’d argue the individual restrictions,

not that any exist (8PM at 15 seems a bit early to me, but my curfew – for everything – was 7 at 14 years old, and I totally hated my father for it.) Go to your SW if you wish, but know that they’re unlikely to change a thing as your fosters aren’t harming you with their care here.

Scrabblement −  Gently, YTA. Your foster parents are your guardians. They make the rules for your house. Because you aren’t in your dad’s custody, he can’t decide rules for you right now. The fact that your dad bought you a phone does not mean that you don’t have to follow your foster parents’ rules.

If you think the rules are too strict for your age, talk to your foster parents about whether you could try new rules that you think are more appropriate. But they are the ones parenting you, not your dad, and if you won’t work with them to agree to phone rules, you’re going to wind up not having a phone at all.

20Keller12 −  As someone who was in foster care as a teenager, YTA. These people have loved and cared for you for years now. Quite frankly, your dad is just trying to buy you. If he actually gave a damn he’d fight to get you back.

The goal with foster kids is always reunification, so if he hasn’t gotten you back in 9 years it’s because he doesn’t want to. Ask to go over the controls and compromise. I speak from personal experience when I say, don’t prioritize the a**hole who just throws money at you over the parents who’ve raised you for the last 6 years.

Side note: the rules that foster parents need to comply with is a mile long and half of it really seems batshit crazy. It’s entirely possible they don’t have a say in it. My mom and dad have to even keep the temperature on the *water heater* below a certain point.

MysteryLass −  This isn’t about who paid for the phone. It’s about who’s actually been parenting you in their home for the last 6 years. There’s a reason you’re not living with your bio dad – people don’t end up in foster homes for no reason.

I think the fact that your foster parents have these rules and restrictions on phone use is because they’re more aware of what’s happening in your daily life, and what’s appropriate for you. So yes, YTA. It’s the same principle as having a curfew – the people actually housing you and parenting you every day are the ones who get to set the rules.

Cliomerced −  I would not use the A word to describe you, because you are understandably frustrated in a situation not of your own making. I think it is a mistake to set your bio-dad against your foster parents… he plays a role here too and before giving you a very expensive present should have checked in with your foster parents.

I don’t know what the foster situation looks like and how often foster parents communicate with biological parents, but in this situation, there should be a line of communication open between them. He gives you an expensive phone, and I am guessing that they pay the monthly fee?

In any case they are the ones who are trying to help you grow into adulthood, so they are the ones who need to set boundaries for you within their home. Rather than arguing that point, I would say that you should instead ask for more leniency on some of the rules.

The 8 o’clock limit seems strict for someone your age. But a conversation with your foster parents should not be about whether they can set rules for the phone, but rather which rules make most sense for you.

Rejecting their authority completely and pitting your bio-dad against them will just make them less likely to believe that you are mature enough for looser rules.

Is the teen justified in feeling frustrated about the restrictions, or are the foster parents reasonable in applying house rules? What balance should be struck between their authority and his independence? what do you think? share your thoughts below!