AITA for not allowing my dad to stay at my house while I’m abroad, even if he pays rent?

A university graduate (23F) is debating whether to let her father (64M) stay in her rented house while she’s abroad for two months. Despite her father financially supporting her, his untreated bipolar and schizoid conditions, history of aggressive behavior, and disregard for house rules create serious concerns. Additionally, his behavior around her university campus could negatively impact her reputation when she returns. Is she wrong for prioritizing her boundaries and peace of mind over her father’s wishes? Here’s the full context.

‘ AITA for not allowing my dad to stay at my house while I’m abroad, even if he pays rent?’

I (23F) have just finished university in a small town. My dad (64M) financially supports me as he has a decent amount of money and has always stablished he would support my sister (26F) and I as much as needed. He still pays for all her stuff, too. Im just about to go abroad for a 2 month long internship, which is partially subsided by a scholarship and partially paid for by dad.

However, my father is diagnosed bipolar and schizoid, and has refused treatment all his life. He’s aggressive, not very rational or reasonable and very very hard to talk to/ deal with. He gets very mean and has been physically and verbally aggressive countless times.

He used to have a beach house, but apparently his brother took control of that. So he wants to spend about a month at my house, at my uni’s small town, while I’m away. Now, although he pays for rent here and I understand that makes it his house, it is an old house with several hydro and structural issues, and he never respects me when I tell him to do things a certain way here. For ex, you can’t open a specific sink bc it causes flooding. I tell him that everytime and yet, when he visits (3x), he always opens it).

Furthermore, he is a very strange man who makes people very uncomfortable with the things he says and the way he acts, and I know he would be taking daily walks to my campus and interacting weirdly with people, making sure they know he’s my dad. That terrifies me, as these people know me and I’ll be back in a couple of months to do an internship in this campus.

So, sadly, I feel like I shouldn’t let him stay here. That will make him furious, and whenever he gets furious he stops paying for my stuff for a while and says horrible things. But if I let him stay It might destroy my life in campus.. What should I do? AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Careless-Ad-6328 −  YTA. Not because you’re not letting your dad stay in the house… but because you’re trying to reap all the benefits without any of the costs. If he’s this bad, you need to cut him off and become fully independent. So long as he pays for everything, he has leverage over you, which you’re allowing by continuing to take the money. You have to make a choice, and no matter which way you go, there will be consequences you’ll have to face.

The_Naxian_ −  You describe your father in two completely different ways. He is very reasonable and responsible by accepting to support both you and your sister (even if you are both well past 18). He is a provider for both of you.

He pays for all of your and your sister’s stuff. And then you continue by saying he is aggressive, irrational, unreasonable, mean ans so on! These two descriptions do not match!!! If this is actually a real post and not a fake one you are clearly taking advantage of your father but at the same time you are ashamed of him. This makes you indeed the AH. If you don’t like your father get a job and support yourself!

Only_Music_2640 −  YTA you’re perfectly happy to accept your father’s money but when he needs something from you? He’s just an embarrassment? WOW!

procrastinating_b −  If you don’t want him to stay there stop taking his money.

pinksocks867 −  I have a sink that leaks so I have the valve underneath turned off until I want to get it fixed. Can you do that? 

Individual_Ad_9213 −  “*What should I do*?” You should figure out a way that you can pay your way and find yourself in this financial predicament. NTA; but be prepared for him to cut you off.

MissAuroraRed −  My dad is also a total weirdo. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve never asked him for money, ever. Sometimes he sends me some cash for my birthday, but I would never set up my lifestyle in a way that requires his support to maintain. If you want to get out from under his control, then you need to put in the work to be financially independent. Soft YTA. I hope this is a wake up call for you.

spidertattootim −  I don’t think you should let him financially support you if you’re not comfortable with him being around.

HydrostaticTrans −  YTA – without your dads money you would need to either sublet your apartment or end the lease, move all your stuff into storage and then rent another place when you get back. Most people don’t have the luxury to rent an apartment and leave it empty while travelling for months. I would way rather let a family member stay for a month than either of these 2 options.

corey_packerfan −  You need to break the financial bond between you and your dad and stand on your own 2 feet. That’s the only way out of this situation, in the future but if he is paying for everything, he should be able to stay there for now.