AITA for not agreeing to a name change for my daughter, despite her father wanting one?

When it comes to naming a child, both parents often have strong opinions about what feels right for their family. In this story, our OP, a 25-year-old woman, recounts a conflict with her ex-husband over their daughter’s name. After being together for years and even planning a future together, her ex abruptly backed out when she became pregnant, blocking her for nearly a year. When their daughter was born, OP chose the name “Elizabeth Laura Smith”—a nod to her favorite literary character,

her grandmother, and her own surname. Recently, her ex reached out with an entirely different vision: he wants their daughter to be named “Mary” in honor of his late mother. Although he argues that as the father he should have a say and that compromise is necessary for co-parenting, OP insists she will not change the name. Now she wonders: Am I the asshole for refusing to change our daughter’s name?

‘ AITA for not agreeing to a name change for my daughter, despite her father wanting one?’

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist with expertise in family relationships, explains, “Child naming is a deeply personal decision, and ideally both parents should contribute to that process. However, if one parent has been largely absent or dismissive during the early, formative period, it’s understandable that the active parent might want to assert their decision.

The key issue here is communication: if both parties had discussed naming decisions openly before the birth, conflicts like this could potentially be avoided.” (kidshealth.org) Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “While compromise is important in co-parenting, it is also critical to recognize that timing matters. When one partner is not present during key moments—such as the birth and initial naming of a child—the subsequent demands for changes can feel like an attempt to rewrite history.

Both partners should work towards a balanced decision-making process from the outset, and when that doesn’t happen, it’s natural for the more involved parent to feel that their decisions should stand.” Both experts agree that while the ex’s feelings are understandable, OP’s reaction is justified given the history of his absence and the strong personal significance of the name she chose.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Many redditors empathize with OP, noting that if a parent has been out of the picture during critical moments, their later input might not carry as much weight. “You made the decision when you were in charge, and if he wasn’t there, it’s not fair for him to now dictate the name,” one commenter said.

In the end, OP’s decision to stick with the name “Elizabeth Laura Smith” is rooted in her significant role during her daughter’s birth and her thoughtful, personal process. Given her ex-husband’s absence for nearly a year and his delayed involvement in such a fundamental decision, many would agree that it’s reasonable for her to stand by her choice. While some believe that co-parenting requires compromise, the timing and history of the situation heavily favor OP’s position.

Do you believe that an absent parent should have any say in a child’s name when their input comes too late? Or should the decision belong entirely to the parent who was present? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?