AITA for no longer making toys and furniture for my former SIL after her new husband called them an “embarrassment” and me cheap for not paying for stuff?

A Redditor who has been deeply involved in their late brother’s child’s life recently found themselves in conflict with their former sister-in-law and her new husband. After years of lovingly crafting custom toys and furniture for their nephew, a comment from the new husband questioning the value of these gifts led to a dramatic fallout. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for no longer making toys and furniture for my former SIL after her new husband called them an “embarrassment” and me cheap for not paying for stuff?’

My brother died before his firstborn child was born, because of this I’ve had an above average involvement in my nephews life. One thing I’ve always done is build him toys and furniture. It was a way of providing without the awkwardness of handing over cash.

Also, between my late brothers cash and life insurance via work a trust was setup for my nephew for ~£500,000. He wasn’t actually married to my SIL.
Now via the lab at work I’ve made him a lot of wooden or 3d printed toys, but also some simple handmade electronic toys.

My sister in law was always grateful for these and my nephew (by all accounts) loves his custom toys. Fast forward 3 years and my former sister in law has gotten married. I was attending my nephews third birthday and I turned up the night before to assemble his present.

It was a small climbing frame/Swing set I had watched better carpenters than me in the lab make. The new husband was a little standoffish but come the day of the party he was telling anyone who listened that I didn’t pay or make the present I had lackies at work do it for free.

This culminated in him calling all my “presents” an embarrassment and given my fancy job I could afford to splash some cash. I confronted him and my former SIL and she basically confirmed that whilst the presents were appreciated she honestly expected more direct support from me after my brothers death.

My mother stepped in and reminded her my brother paid for this house and they regularly take cash out of the trust (approx £10,000 a year). We walked out without hearing any worthwhile response but I continued to see my nephew without incident.

6-7 months go by and I’m visiting only to be told my former SIL was pregnant with twins and she was wondering if I could make some duplicates of items I made for my nephew as they needed two sets. I scoffed, said she had balls asking me to make stuff after she was so ungrateful and I owe her unborn children very little.

She got upset and explained her prior statements about my handmade gifts and said she felt they were the kinda little things someone did as a favour. Not what a family provides. That’s why she’s asking me now as a friend to do her a “favour” and manufacture duplicates.

I said no, again, and her husband shouted through that it didn’t matter they would just use the trust to provide for kids like it’s supposed to. I retorted that it was for my nephew and good luck accessing it for that because the trust requires my signature to pay out.

I wasn’t even home before he was calling me to apologise, clearly unaware I held the reigns to my late brothers money. The apology was insincere and I asked to speak to my former SIL where I confirmed again I wouldn’t be manufacturing her anything.

I’ll still be an uncle to my nephew and be impartial when it comes to her accessing my nephews trust but her husband has burned a lot my goodwill with this. AITA for not doing her a favour after all that?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Walktothebrook −  NTA. First, my condolences on the loss of your brother. Your SIL is beyond entitled! She lives in a house for by your late brother and benefits from a trust and then has the gall to criticize your gifts to your nephew, OUTRAGEOUS!

Sensitive-Cover −  NTA. Sorry for your loss. Your brother was so smart to give you control over the trust for your nephew. That ensures your nephew’s position is protected both financially and in this new family.

SIL new husband is bad news and she doesn’t seem to have goid jugement. If you didn’t have oversight on things, I bet your nephew would have been robbed and neglected by these greedy people.

Lively_Sally −  I’m absolutly speechless. 10.000 a year is a lot to feed and clothe a child living in a house wich seems to be paid off? To expecting you “provide” for your brothers kid who is set up like this is just baffeling to me. Your gifts sound extremly generous. Does your sil not work at all?. NTA

Snickers_Kat −  NTA. But if you need a couple of nieces, my daughters would absolutely love handmade toys! In all serious though, I think handmade puts more thought and effort into your gift than just spending $50 for a piece of crap at the store.

Being told repeatedly your gifts aren’t welcome, and then being angry at you for not providing more of the supposed unwanted gifts is ridiculous. And your sil’s husband absolutely is being insincere. I just hope he doesn’t take out his anger on your nephew, especially when the new babies are born.

[Reddit User] −  NTA at all and the two of them have a lot of nerve for treating you that way and then asking for favours. They’re also AHs if they use your nephew’s trust for anything other than what your nephew needs. If they’re spending it on themselves or the other kids in any way they’re out of line.

Ok_Professional_4499 −  NTA. Seems the New Hubby came in with a big mouth and big ideas and talked SIL and Nephew out of the thoughtful gifts you gave. Sadly you may have to keep an eye on the situation when the new babies get here,

make up for any lack of attention your nephew may experience. You did great and are doing great. Definitely watch that greedy new husband. Don’t let him get over in that trust. He obviously thought it would be used for his kids as well.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. They both sound awful. You need to watch them carefully with that trust. They sound super greedy.

yoashleydawn −  NTA but after his comment, it feels like they’re gonna use that 10k a year on all three kids, and either request to withdraw more often or make your nephew go without.

[Reddit User] −  NTA in the slightest! I think the new husband probably felt a bit emasculated by what you provided. I wouldn’t even allow them to withdraw a modest amount every year, unless to prove the money was for your nephews needs.

You owe her nothing monetary, especially as she was never married to your brother, so she should be more than grateful for the gifts, (also, how lovely and sentimental, I would much prefer that to shop purchased toys! Shows a lot of love and thought!)

The new husband, needs to reevaluate his thinking and attitude, he is living in your Brothers house after all! Once your nephew is 18, I would consider if they should even be living in that house. Can you tell I’ve been jilted and treated in the same way?!

I have no sympathy for them in this situation, how ungrateful they are! So sorry for your loss, this is the last thing you need to be dealing with! They surely should understand that you want to spend and enjoy time with your nephew!

PurpleProboscis −  NTA. Sounds like new husband is jealous of your cool gifts so trying to make them seem s**tty, and also somehow feels entitled to your personal wealth for no reason. He’s not the child’s father, and I would watch out for him picking favorites with his own children after this. You’re doing a good thing and it sucks when people can’t see or appreciate that.

Does the Redditor have every right to stand their ground, or should family bonds outweigh past grievances? How would you handle this situation? Share your perspective below!