AITA for never helping my siblings with their kids at family events

A woman in her late 20s, who is childfree, faces backlash from her siblings for refusing to help with childcare during family events. With 14 nieces and nephews, including her sister’s six kids, she prefers to spend quality time with her aging parents rather than babysitting.

Despite being pressured to assist with various tasks like changing diapers and feeding babies, she firmly declines, expressing that her siblings’ choices are their responsibility. While her husband and dad support her stance, her siblings and mother argue that it’s her duty as a sibling to help.

AITA for never helping my siblings with their kids at family events

My husband (late 20s) are both childfree, and have multiple siblings each. I have three older siblings, my sister, brother 1, and brother 2. I have a grand total of 14 nieces and nephews, which is a lot I know. My sister has 6 kids and is a single parent.

My parents like to host family events and invite all of the kids/grandkids. They’re old, and I’m cherishing the remaining time I have with them. I don’t want to skip these holidays because I don’t know how many I’ll have left with them.

Recently at the 4th of July thing my parents threw my siblings went off on me because I never help with their kids. Quite frankly, I don’t like almost any of their kids. The two I like are old enough that they don’t need me for anything.

Changing diapers, feeding babies, and chasing toddlers has no appeal to me, and I don’t like my siblings enough to want to spend my holiday babysitting. I just want to spend time with my parents.

As soon as I got there both my sister and brother 2 were asking me to change diapers, which they know I won’t do. Then I’m being asked to help feed babies, which I say no to. Them I’m asked to help change a toddler that emptied a ketchup bottle on himself. I say no again.

They know I have no intentions on child managing, so I don’t know why they even ask. My sisters kids were crying, and then she started crying and yelling at me. I told them if I wanted to take care of kids I’d have some, and if she wanted breaks six kids with six different deadbeat men was a bad idea.

My dad and my husband are both on my side, whereas my mom and siblings all think it’s my responsibility as a sibling to help. My siblings never help me with anything, like ever. They wouldn’t help me move, wouldn’t help me put up a fence when a hurricane took mine down, etc.

I feel like relationships are supposed to be give and take, and all they expect to do is take. AITA for never helping with childcare at family events?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

GotNoMoves76 says:
What the heck happens when these parents and children visit the grandparents’ home? Why the chaos? Do they have help at their own homes? Are children waiting for diaper changes until a visitor comes by? It doesn’t make sense but we’ve seen lots of posts like this.

I’m the child free sibling/cousin in my family, and I won’t watch kids, either. I can’t remember any of my aunts or uncles ever having to care for me because my parents were right there. Not until my generation had children did anyone expect all hands on deck to help out with child care. Weird.

ScarlettArie says:
It’s my catchphrase that I taught my sons, and I make sure all of my niblings (related and chosen family) all learn it at a young age. We are big on consent from as soon as babies can start not wanting to hug people.

GKP97 says:
NTA as the only sibling with a kid, I am grateful my CF sister loves my son and will watch him during family gatherings. But I would never expect it from her. She also stated from day 1 that she will not change a poop diaper, and in the almost 3 years my son has been on this planet I have not asked her. Once he’s out of diapers she’s open to actual babysitting, but again I never expect it from her.

Reflection_Secure says:
I guess I’m weird, I don’t see changing diapers as the tiniest bit of an ask. But I’m not asking people, I’m offering. I’m childfree, and just love babies, even if they’re covered in poop. Of course, I also worked in a daycare as a teenager, then as a CNA, so I’ve changed all different sized diapers. The little ones are no big deal. And when they kick or bite you, it doesn’t even hurt!

Anyone who refused to change diapers but still wanted baby time would get a bit of a look from me, but again, I don’t have kids, so I’m not asking anyone. It just seems weird to only take the good parts.

NicolleL says:
Oh trust me. This is real. The OP is likely female, the youngest, and has no kids. That’s like the trifecta. The only thing worse would have been unmarried (but even married with no kids is often not seen as a “true” adult). Maybe also if OP had been a teacher.

This also happens if all your cousins are younger. Then you arrive to a family party (as an adult) with a craft project all laid out that you are supposed to do with the kids.

It’s not usually asked. It’s just expected.

Final-Resolution-423 says:
My husband (late 20s) are both childfree, and have multiple siblings each. I have three older siblings, my sister, brother 1, and brother 2. I have a grand total of 14 nieces and nephews, which is a lot I know. My sister has 6 kids and is a single parent.

My parents like to host family events and invite all of the kids/grandkids. They’re old, and I’m cherishing the remaining time I have with them. I don’t want to skip these holidays because I don’t know how many I’ll have left with them.

Recently at the 4th of July thing my parents threw my siblings went off on me because I never help with their kids. Quite frankly, I don’t like almost any of their kids. The two I like are old enough that they don’t need me for anything. Changing diapers, feeding babies, and chasing toddlers has no appeal to me, and I don’t like my siblings enough to want to spend my holiday babysitting. I just want to spend time with my parents.

As soon as I got there both my sister and brother 2 were asking me to change diapers, which they know I won’t do. Then I’m being asked to help feed babies, which I say no to. Them I’m asked to help change a toddler that emptied a ketchup bottle on himself. I say no again. They know I have no intentions on child managing, so I don’t know why they even ask.

My sisters kids were crying, and then she started crying and yelling at me. I told them if I wanted to take care of kids I’d have some, and if she wanted breaks six kids with six different deadbeat men was a bad idea.

My dad and my husband are both on my side, whereas my mom and siblings all think it’s my responsibility as a sibling to help. My siblings never help me with anything, like ever. They wouldn’t help me move, wouldn’t help me put up a fence when a hurricane took mine down, etc. I feel like relationships are supposed to be give and take, and all they expect to do is take.

AITA for never helping with childcare at family events?

Next_Bumblebee4720 says:
Even if you did like them it’s not your job and you’re NTA. I adore my nephews and they can do no wrong, but absolutely anyone expecting me to change their diapers or clean their messes can f*ck all the way off to the moon and back

I do not understand people assuming other people will take care of their kids. Or should. Or want to. Or have to

Zestyclose_Shop_9334 says:
Thats crazy. I’m childless, I love my Nieces and nephews. I would happily do anything for them. But their parents rarely ask. They know it’s not my job. and they know I’m not interested in taking care of kids.

definitely NTA. everyone has the things they won’t do. you’re allowed yours. Especially if they’ve refused to help you.