AITA for my response after my BIL said my dress was inappropriate for a family gathering?

A Reddit user (F) shared a story about a family gathering where their brother-in-law (BIL) criticized their dress choice, claiming it was inappropriate for the occasion. The user, who had previously tolerated his comments due to his “struggles,” decided to respond with humor, making a joke involving his ex-wife, Nana.

The BIL was offended, and the family, including the user’s husband, was upset, feeling the comment was out of line. The user is now questioning whether their response was too harsh or justified given the context. To find out more about the situation and how others have reacted, read the full story below…

‘ AITA for my response after my BIL said my dress was inappropriate for a family gathering?’

So My bil (my husband’s brother) was married to a women from Greece, Her name is *”Nana”*, and the reason for their divorce was because of how much my conservative bil tried to control her cloths and the places she went. He didn’t want the divorce and was hopping Nana would accept the life he offered and stay but she didn’t.

This happened 2 years ago, he now moved back with my inlaws and we’d see him more often. He tried to comment on how I dress on multiple ocassions and it’s unbearable. but since my inlaws said he’s struggling and depressed then I let it go. On friday my inlaws celebrated my husband’s 30th birthday at their home.

I wore a heart-shaped blue dress and had my hair up. While we were eating my BIL pointed at me and said that my cleavage was showing and that I shouldn’t have wore this dress because it looked inappropriate for a family gathering. I was utterly shocked, everyone was staring at me and I felt so embarrassed and on the spot.

He looked at me waiting for me to blow up probably but I laughed and told him “Knock, knock! he said “Who’s there?”, I said “Nana”. Now he paused and seemed confused at the mention of this name. He then faked a laugh and said “Nana who?” I said “Nana your g**damn business what I’m wearing! ok!”.

He got upset and quickly left the table. My SILs laughed but my husband and his parents were upset and later said that I was way out of line for bringing up Nana to my BIL knowing how heartbroken and depressed he is because of her. His mom said that I was petty and didn’t need to dig at him just to prove a point.

My husband thinks I’m in the wrong as well and that I was being deliberately hurtful by bringing up Nana.

Check out how the community responded:

Sunny_Hill_1 −  NTA. WTF? He drove his wife away by trying to police her clothes, and he has the sheer nerve to bring that subject up with you? You DID need to dig in to show him that his ex-wife was not an aberration, any woman would find it a**orrent to have a man dictate what she can or cannot wear.

JCBashBash −  NTA. You should put the heat on your husband and ask him, “Why do you think I should accept your brother disrespecting me? Do you think it is acceptable for him to speak to me like that?” If your husband is willing to just sit by and let his brother act like a pig because it doesn’t effect him he isn’t being a good partner.

Aggravating_Ad9046 −  NTA. I sincerely doubt he’s “heartbroken and depressed” I suspect his ego is wounded because his ex resisted his attempts at control.
What he said to you was entirely inappropriate. It’s also entirely inappropriate that his family continues to enable his behaviour

PommeDeSang −  NTA. Depressed? heartbroken? Yeah no he’s sulking because Nana refused to be controlled and manipulated a second longer and is not using you as a target/outlet. Don’t apologize but feel free to have a long talk with your husband about how you’re not taking BIL’s s**t anymore so he should probably do what he should have done **THE FIRST GOTDAMN TIME AND PUT HIS BROTHER IN HIS PLACE**

FoolMe1nceShameOnU −  NTA. Your BIL literally blew up his own marriage and DROVE HIS WIFE AWAY with his inability to keep his inappropriate, thoughtlessly rude, controlling, misogynistic comments to himself, and the man STILL hasn’t learned his lesson?! But you have a bigger problem.

Because instead of expecting him to take responsibility for his behaviour and learn from the consequences of his own action, his own family – your husband included – are acting as though the end of your BIL’s marriage happened in a vacuum, as though his actions had nothing to do with anything,

and his CONTINUED aggressively inappropriate behaviour, now directed at you, is something to be coddled and sympathised with, instead of called out. They’re actually scolding YOU for the same rotten behaviour he has displayed continuously for years. They’re never going to be on your side.

Not your husband, not any of them. It’s not just that he’s not going to get any better, it’s that you’re going to be treated just as badly as she was, and they’re just fine with that. You may want to think hard about that.

SlipperWheels −  My husband thinks I’m in the wrong as well and that I was being deliberately hurtful by bringing up Nana. Husband is partially right, you where being deliberately hurtful, and you did it brilliantly.. NTA. Id be proud of that burn.

Megmca −  I’ll bet the reason your sisters in law laughed is because they have been likewise been “blessed” with his “advice.”

YoureAGoodFriend −  NTA. That’s the kind of response I would only ever think of 4-hours _after_ the initial interaction. You are amazing

TKD_Mom76 −  NTA. Dude is a controlling a**hole. He tried to control his wife and she, rightfully, left. Now he’s trying to control how his sil dresses? Nope. He is 110% wrong. The sooner he realizes that he has no power to police what anyone wears, the happier he’ll be. If it takes reminding him of his wife who left him to get him to the realization, well, that’s just what it’s going to take.

yeetdiver −  NTA. But your husband is an AH for supporting this b**lshit! The reason for his heartbreak is his god damn conservative brain. And his family is letting him continue with it? Please have a talk with your husband and see if he also thinks like this.