AITA for my reaction to my brothers “gift”?

A Redditor shared a story about their family’s annual holiday trip, where the older brother’s ongoing habit of mocking the Redditor’s sexuality reached a boiling point. During the gift exchange, the brother presented a “joke” gift—a fruitcake—intended to ridicule the Redditor for being gay.

When the Redditor didn’t laugh and stepped outside, it sparked a family-wide debate. Was the Redditor’s reaction justified, or should they have handled it differently? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for my reaction to my brothers “gift”?’

I’m not a writer, so bear with me. Me (24M) and my family do a yearly weekend trip in december every year. The trip typically includes renting a very nice airbnb and several “outings”, some geared towards the men in the family (gun range, axe throwing, etc.),

and others for the women (shopping trip, water park with the kids, etc.). I’ve been openly gay for 8 years now and the majority of the family has come to terms with it by now, that is, everyone except my older brother (28M).

for context, my older brother (we’ll call him Isaac) has a tendency to poke fun at people and try to get a rise out of them. The family finds this absolutely hilarious and will often join in. Personally i don’t mind this, however, ever since i came out 8 years ago, Isaac will take any opportunity to make my sexuality the b**t of the joke.

i’ve told him on multiple occasions that jokes about my sexuality tend to sting a bit more and asked that he not do that, but nothing works to get him to stop. That brings us to the last night of the trip. I had separated from the guys group for all the outings, because the girls activities just seemed more fun.

on the final night of the trip, the entire family was gathered in the living room to open gifts, when Isaac announces that he got me a gift this year because he felt bad that i had missed the guys activities. he then proceeds to hand me a bag to open in front of everyone.

I open the bag, and inside was a fruit cake that he had bought from Fleet Farm. Isaac starts laughing hysterically, but the rest of the family looks at me because i’m not laughing. I stood up, told Isaac that i didn’t find his gift funny, and stepped out onto the balcony to get some fresh air.

the rest of the night, Isaac tried to tell me that I was the a**hole for being ungrateful when he didn’t get anyone else a gift, which resulted in a very long yelling match. The family is divided on whether my reaction was warranted, or if i need to lighten up about his jokes. so, AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

rockology_adam −  NTA. Isaac is completely out of line here, and I’m really curious how the rest of the family took that “You’re ingrateful because I didn’t get anyone else a gift.” He’s right, and I assume the other people are more grateful, because he didn’t target them.

Isaac is a homophobe and a b**ly, and your family sound like playground bystanders. They will laugh along because the b**ly doesn’t tormet them. You made the right call, calling him out and stepping outside. If he can’t accept responsibility there, check him off as immature and limit your time with him.

Is putting up with him worth going on these trips? Only you can answer that, but IMO, if no one else in the family is making things better or standing up for you, I’d be asking myself what I get out of it. Cause this year, you got a worse-than-the-jokes-about-it fruitcake.

Jyqm −  G**damn, the amount of gender happening in this family is off-the-charts ridiculous. Very obviously NTA, and I’m sorry that your family has been so s**tty for so long that you’ve been browbeaten into thinking you might possibly be in the wrong here.

EmceeSuzy −  **Your family is gross.**. NTA. And to be clear, the people in your family who are NOT ‘Isaac’ are grosser than he is. Some family systems are just toxic and yours is one of them. Joining this trip and being a good sport is not in your best interest and I hope that you will stop doing it.

The entire family has tacitly agreed to endorse Isaac’s bigotry. In a healthy family, he would not dare to pull that s**t and if somehow he did the rest of the group would shout him down before you had a moment to respond.

Please give yourself the gift of a real family that loves and accepts you. It can take time to form a family-by-choice but you deserve it and you’ll be fine while you’re working on it.

UrbanHuaraches −  The real a**hole is whoever decided that taking the kids to a water park counts as a “women’s” activity.

RndmIntrntStranger −  my older brother (we’ll call him Isaac) ~~has a tendency to poke fun at people and try to get a rise out of them~~ *is a b**ly*.. FIFY. **NTA**

mommacrossx3 −  “Isaac, please explain to me why it’s funny” any answer other than “I thought you liked it” is going to show the fam that he is a h**ophobic b**ly. NTA

Somythinkingis −  I would ask the organizer of this family trip to count me out until my brother learns some manners.

bisforbnaynay −  This is one of those moments where I think to lessons I try and teach my own kids. If it’s something someone can change in under 30 seconds, its fair game to make fun of; fly unzipped, messy hair, etc. Anything else keep your comments to yourself. You’ve told him before to lay off and he didn’t, so he reaps what he’s sewn. I’d have thrown the cake at him, unwrapped.. NTA

Afraid-Leg3311 −  NTA. Your brother has some issues. The gift was so degrading and not a gift but an insult. He is not listening to you. You told him to stop and he continues to harrass you, that is so not cool. It seems like he can’t deal with your sexuality which is ridiculous in this day and age. Sorry OP, I would have reacted the same way

Certain-Coast2746 −  You’re a victim at first and a volunteer after. Stop asking strangers if you’re an AH and set some boundaries ffs. If your family is divoded, you should now know who you cut off. Yta to yourself if you continue to accept this treatment.

Do you think the Redditor’s reaction to the “gift” was justified given the context, or should they have tried to brush it off for the sake of family peace? How would you handle a situation where a loved one repeatedly crossed a boundary? Share your thoughts below!