AITA for moving out because my mother is charging me rent after highschool?

A 17-year-old Reddit user, who is neurodivergent, shared their decision to move out after their mother started charging them rent and used their savings without their permission. After a heated argument, the user’s mother informed them that they would either need to pay bills or get a second job. Feeling like they don’t belong in their mother’s house and being treated as a financial burden, the user confided in their father and decided to move out.

They’re questioning whether they’re making the right decision by leaving, especially given their complicated relationship with their mother. Read the full story below to see the full context of their difficult situation.

‘ AITA for moving out because my mother is charging me rent after highschool?’

Hi, I’m only 17 and I’m Neuro divergent. So my decision making has never been the best. As an important note in case this gets confusing, my parents are divorced with Mom having full custody. A little while ago, my mom and I got into a huge argument, because the savings (only she has access too, and was around $2,300) I had earned were used instead for my moms bills and other payments she owed. I was rightfully mad, but unfortunately couldn’t do anything about it.

And the only reason I found out, was because I asked to take money out for Christmas shopping, and she acted suspicious. yesterday or so, we were in the car, traveling to my Dad’s for the weekend. (Early Christmas) And she tells me that “When (stepdads name) and I finish paying off the money I owe you, you’re either going to need to go to school, or pay bills. Like the phone bill and such.” And then explained how I need to either help around the house, or get a second job. I would need a second job, because right now I only make around $130 biweekly.

Again, this is a great premise, however I don’t have much in that house to begin with besides personal items. I don’t feel like I belong half the time, as I look so much like my Dad, and am the only person in my mom’s house who doesn’t have their last name. I’m odd. So I talked to my Dad, we cried, and came up with a plan. I graduate early, (school was a big issue, as my Dad lives in an area with not so great schooling.) and legally I’m allowed to choose where I live since I was 14.

I plan on collecting my information needed to prove I exist, and starting to find boxes for all my clothes and such over winter break, and then break the news to my Mom after break so she still has me for two weeks or so. This could go two ways: one, My mother tries to fight me leaving and I might have to wait till I’m 18, in which case I will let her know that if she fights, I’m going no contact.

Two, she lets me go, helps me move, and I’m willing to contact her and possibly visit. I’m tired of feeling like the cash cow, but she is my mom. I don’t want to sue her or make her feel like I don’t love her anymore, but I feel like I’m being taken advantage of, and like she’s not listening to me.. am I the A**hole for leaving?

Check out how the community responded:

Paevatar −  NTA. Your mother is the AH for stealing your hard-earned savings. And don’t worry, she’s not going to be alone, she has the stepfather. Let him be her “cash cow.” I’m glad your dad is willing to help you and let you live with him. You need to live where you feel like you belong.

Agreeable-Book-7018 −  NTA. Don’t let her stop you. You said legally you can choose where u live. But make sure she doesn’t have access to your account anymore. Tell her you are going and her opinion doesn’t matter because the law is the only opinion.

Ireland1169 −  NTA. As someone who had both parents stealing from me as a minor (whoever could get to it first took it) get all your bank accounts/saving accounts in your name (if its similar to your parents name(s) include your second name). Do not feel bad about reporting your mother, its not your job to support her & her husband, other children, she has to support you until you are 18.

Make your plans & get all your documentation before you tell her you are going, also slowly move any sentimental or valuable items out of her house to somewhere safe before you tell her you are leaving. See your mother as she really is (she has shown you who she is) not as you would like her to be.

LowBalance4404 −  NTA and you don’t even need boxes for your clothes. Trash bags work great.

Psychological-Wall-2 −  … she tells me that “When (stepdads name) and I finish paying off the money I owe you, you’re either going to need to go to school, or pay bills. Like the phone bill and such.” And then explained how I need to either help around the house, or get a second job. Okay, so you might have phrased this wrong, but that sounds like your mother telling you that you would need to pay rent OR continue with schooling. But you’re NTA for not wanting to live with someone who stole a bunch of your money.

One-Warthog3063 −  NTA. The rule in my parents’ house was “no rent if you’re a full time student”. So there’s nothing wrong with your mom charging rent if you’re no longer a student, and there’s nothing wrong with you moving out because you’d rather pay rent and be on your own (or at least not subject to her rules).

Own-Management-1973 −  Just leave and tell her f**k all. She doesn’t deserve any consideration after the way she’s treated you.

DoubleOscar7 −  I would want to know how much you’re supposed to contribute. If your mom wants $200/month and you think going out on your own is better, you may be in for a real shock.

sswishbone −  Info – have you reported the abuse of your finances to the bank? 

LibraryMegan −  So are you moving in with your dad? Or are you trying to live on your own? Because if it’s the latter, you are going to need a much better job. Just because you graduated high school doesn’t mean you are actually prepared to be on your own. You may want to do some more research, job hunting, and planning before you make such a rash decision and potentially burn bridges.

Your mom absolutely should not have taken $2300 from you. But she is planning to pay you back. That hardly makes you a “cash cow”. It’s not even enough money to cover a month of living expenses. She might have just been desperate for a minute and made a really bad decision. You might cut her a bit of slack (assuming she does pay you back) considering that she’s cared for you for 17 years.