AITA for moving my son into a rental apartment after finding out that his dad’s been cancelling his job applications?
A Redditor shared a situation involving their husband sabotaging their adult son’s job applications to keep him at home caring for his disabled brother. Upon discovering this, the OP moved their son into a rental apartment to give him independence, sparking outrage from their husband. Was this a reasonable decision, or did the OP overstep boundaries? Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for moving my son into a rental apartment after finding out that his dad’s been cancelling his job applications?’
My son “Aiden” (23) moved back in with us upon graduating college as my husband wanted. My husband’s original plan was to have Aiden live with us for free, but stay home and help with his disabled younger brother (16). Aident started complaining about needing money and wanted to find a job.
My husband was against this and even offered to double his allowance but Aiden was growing tired of staying at home. So he began looking for jobs here and there for over a year but non of his job applications came through. He’d just apply and they never get back to him.
We were confused by this til recently, I found out that my husband was behind all the job applications being cancelled. He’d wait tol Aiden applies then he proceeds to cancel the application by impersonating him and using his email.
I blew up at him for this but his justification is that he’s just trying to make sure that our younger son is cared for by Aiden and said that Aiden has been big help and him getting a job will affect his care for his brother. I went ahead and rented an apartment for Aiden and told him to stay there til he finds a job and starts paying for it himself.
Aiden was hurt upon knowing what his dad did. My husband was livid when he found out. He called me unhinged and said that I was separating the boys and teaching Aiden to become selfish and care more about a job than family.
He also said it was huge decision for me to rent an apartment without even running it with him. He’s been giving me hell about it and is calling me a terrible mother for encouraging Aiden to be selfish and selfcentered. He said I needed to see and understand why he did what he did..
See what others had to share with OP:
SlinkyMalinky20 − NTA. Your husband is a**sive to Aiden and honestly, creepy in his manipulations and insistence on Aiden being Dobby the house elf.
Minute_Patient_8841 − NTA. . YOu are a great parent.. YOur husband is an a**sive AH. Get a divorce.
Aware-Leather2428 − NTA – but wtf. Your husband is deranged and you should leave him. Your older son has a degree, wants to work and be independent and your husband is g**lighting him to try to keep him around to support his younger disabled brother? The emotional manipulation is strong with him and I’d be concerned about what he’s capable of.
realstareyes − NTA. Your husband is a huge AH and absolutely toxic. He exploits Aiden as a caretaker and deliberately ruins his own future and opportunities. The only one who is selfish and irresponsible is your husband, and clearly NOT Aiden. Do whatever you need to do in order to protect your son and don‘t let your husband exploit and parentify him further.
AggravatingSand8896 − NTA – hopefully Aiden has changed his password (and maybe even set up a second “secret” email for job applications in case daddy dearest manages to access the old one in some way)
bizianka − NTA. Aiden deserves to have a life of his own. You and your husband need to find a better plan to take care of your youngest. What if Aiden meets somebody and wants to start his independent life, what next? Your husband will contact his SO to ruin relationship?
tomjames206 − NTA.. Da fuq wrong with your husband? Getting started as a young worker is crucial. He could stunt your son’s entire life path with this b**lshit. Long-term caregiving is no joke, and can cause major depression, but this is screamingly not the way to deal with the struggle he clearly is either having or worried about having with caring for your other child.
Rude_Vermicelli2268 − NTA. Your husband is crazy. It’s not Aiden’s responsibility to care for his disabled brother at the at the expense of his own life. You and your husband need to look into long-term care options for your disabled son. In the meantime thank you so much for being a caring, concerned mother and looking out for Aiden’s best interests
[Reddit User] − NTA and what your husband is doing is criminal (at least figuratively, but likely literally as well). This is seriously sociopathic behavior – dig into this (on behalf of both sons and yourself) to see what else he’s been doing, because impersonating one person to force his way likely doesn’t stop there.
LiberateMainSt − NTA. What your husband did to Aiden is inexcusable. Just how does he expect Aiden to take care of his brother down the line if he’s never had a career or any savings?
Do you think the OP was right to support their son’s independence, or should they have prioritized the husband’s concerns about family caregiving? How would you balance these competing needs in a family? Share your thoughts below!