AITA for moving my girlfriend back in against my kids’ and therapist’s wishes?

A widower (48M) has been in a relationship with his girlfriend (27F) for over a year, who struggles with emotional instability and paranoia, leading to erratic behavior, job loss, and confrontations.

Despite his family therapist’s advice, he moved her back in while his kids (18F and 19M) were out celebrating, believing they were ready to forgive her past actions. His children, however, reacted negatively, reminding him of the therapist’s suggestion to wait until she was more stable and expressed concerns about her behavior.

Now, he’s questioning whether he made the right decision.

‘ AITA for moving my girlfriend back in against my kids’ and therapist’s wishes?’

I am a widower with two kids. My daughter is 18 and my son is 19. Both are in community college and living at home.I have been widowed for a two years and my girlfriend has been living with us since June of last year.

My girlfriend (27F) is a beautiful, passionate, and intelligent person. She is also creative and passionate in the way my late wife was never. Exceptionally charming in her good days.However, she is also troubled, and that has rendered her unable to keep a steady job. She has no trouble landing jobs but she’d only stay an average of 2 weeks.

She is highly reactive to the thought of a**andonment, and no matter how much love I give her, it’s like she takes my actions and words and twists them into something sinister, and then reacts to it.Which means yelling, calling friends and telling them lies about me, talking about me as if I’m not present to my kids.

I’ve lost friends over her behavior because she’d have days where she’d show up and refuse to talk to anybody because she felt rejected by something. Even left bad reviews on a mutual friend’s business because she accused us of seeing each other ( we were not even in the same state during that supposed time period.)

She has had trauma that has made her paranoid. That has devolved into her feeling like she’s being followed to and from work, so she quits. I let her contract two security companies for our house but she still feels followed and just sits monitoring the cameras.

She also obsessively searches every bag in the house for trackers and dumps out groceries because she feared tampering. This paranoia has resulted in her ending up in court because she’s confronted innocent people accusing them of following her.

I made the decision to put her in therapy and she just got out of a voluntary in patient program. The family therapist approved of my decision to rent a condo for her while she continues therapy. The condo has 24/7 security and I visit her often. However, I miss her and want her back in my house. This isn’t some fling- I want a future with her.

And I saw that my daughter had texted my gf saying ” I know you are a good person- keep up the good work!” So I thought despite them having conflict with my girlfriend, my kids would be willing to welcome her back. So yesterday while my kids were celebrating the 4th I helped move my girlfriend’s stuff back in.

However, when my kids got home, they both sprinted to my daughter’s room and whispered for a half hour. Then they came down when my girlfriend went to get takeout and said they cannot believe I’d let her back, especially before the therapist says she is stable.

I defended myself saying I thought they said she was an intelligent good person. They said that she means well but so many things she’s done are wrong and hard to forgive.
I told them we needed to be there for her and not give up, and they said they will not forget this, and there’s worse things than loneliness.

AITA? She’s never physically threatened my kids.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

[deleted] ( Top 1 ) says

YTA. YTA. YTA. I’m actually lost for words at this level of dumbfuckery.

Worldly_Mirror_1555 ( Top 2 ) says

The fact that you ended your post about your clinically unstable gf with “she’s never physically threatened my kids” should be a giant red flag that this isn’t normal or acceptable. I would not blame your kids one bit if they go LC/NC with you over this. You are choosing a f**ck buddy over the safety and well being of your children. YTA, majorly.

RubSpecialist3152 ( Top 3 ) says

You are widowed for 2 years and moved your much younger girlfriend in that quickly while your children were still grieving? Then you unfavorably compare your deceased wife to this crazy woman and think that’s ok? Then you continue to expose your children, your friends, and yourself to this unstable person?

You treat her like a child. YOU put her in therapy. YOU pay for her condo. YOU pay for her. How is this an equal partnership? Why do you think this incredibly unhealthy relationship is the correct model for your children?I think YOU need therapy to determine why you think this is remotely ok.

throwaway444441111 ( Top 4 ) says

YTA – wild thought you can think someone’s an intelligent good person and also not want to live with them.But hey I mean who wouldn’t want someone who’s volatile, paranoid, and in need of serious mental help, who’s barely older than them to be living with their parent? Sounds like a healthy environment for everyone, right?

Thelmara ( Top 5 ) says

 So I thought despite them having conflict with my girlfriend, my kids would be willing to welcome her back. No you didn’t, that’s why you waited until they were out of the house and didn’t discuss it with them first. YTA, and either not very bright or living _deep_ in denial.

Also the fact that you left off only your age (and your gf is only 9 years older than your kids) is suspicious as f**ck.

[deleted] ( Top 6 ) says

I’m just amazed that your children are so much smarter than you. How did that happen?
YTA

KitchenParticular707 ( Top 9 ) says

YTA and an i**iot to boot. Why would you want to be with some unhinged mentally I’ll woman that is closer in age to your kids than to you? She may never physically threaten your kids, but given the things she’s done to you, she could likely cause them serious mental and emotional harm by disrupting their social relationships.

butterfly-garden ( Top 10 ) says

YTA. You are going to die old and alone because your kids are going to turn their backs on you because of the underhanded way you handled this.Sometimes love can cloud judgment, but it’s important to consider how relationships affect the whole family. How would you handle this delicate situation? Share your thoughts in the comments!