AITA for moving in with my paternal grandparents despite my mom’s strong protest?

A Redditor (18F) shares a family conflict after choosing to move in with her paternal grandparents, despite her mother’s strong objections. The tension between her mother and grandparents stems from an old dispute over funeral arrangements and financial disagreements about paying for her stepsister’s medical needs.

Despite her mother’s bitterness and attempts to alienate her children from their grandparents, the Redditor feels no resentment and has chosen to live with them after turning 18. However, this decision has caused major fallout with her mother and stepfather. Read the full story below to dive into this family dilemma.

‘ AITA for moving in with my paternal grandparents despite my mom’s strong protest?’

I (18f) moved in with my paternal grandparents three weeks ago. Context; I turned 18 three weeks ago. My mom did not want me to live with them and she strongly opposed it for the two months she had known I wanted to. I didn’t actually tell her. She heard me talking to my brother (16) about it.

My mom hates my paternal grandparents and she hates that my brother and I love them and still talk to them. Things got bad several years ago.
So my parents were married, had me and my brother, dad died when we were 7 and 5.

Mom and grandparents fought because of funeral arrangements. Mom wanted to go against dad’s written wishes while my grandparents wanted to support them. They had a strained relationship after that and my grandparents had to sue for grandparents rights to see me and my brother.

When I was 10 mom remarried. Her husband has three kids. His older two are from his first marriage, his youngest is from a different relationship. Mom adopted his youngest because her mom was not in her life. The youngest has a lot of health and medical issues.

She’s diabetic, has asthma, has some stomach and digestive issue and she has a heart defect. My mom and her husband struggled to pay for some of the medications and the cheaper alternatives weren’t working for her.

They tried to cut all the corners they could and he got a second job to pay more but the price of some of her meds went really high. My mom asked my grandparents for help paying for them. She was freaked out at the time because the youngest was getting sick a lot and the doctor was concerned she was getting worse.

So mom wanted my grandparents to alleviate the stress and help pay for some of the meds since they could afford it and they spoiled me and my brother. My grandparents said no. Mom pleaded with them and suggested she would work on paying them back some day if they were really unwilling to help but that it was something that could cost a child her life.

My grandparents still refused. Mom was furious. About two years after that they had managed to get on top of things and mom tried to end grandparents rights in court but lost. She never forgave my grandparents and she has expressed a lot of bitterness and hate toward them ever since and has discouraged me and my brother from loving them. She told us we should hate that they would do that to our family.

None of this hurt mine and my brother’s relationship with our grandparents. I don’t feel any anger or hard feelings toward them for the decision. I still love them. I think mom was really unfair to the two of us when she was spewing all that anger about them.

I didn’t want to be around it more and wanted to spend more time with my grandparents so we talked and agreed I could move in when I was 18 and I did. But my mom is furious, her husband said I am never allowed in their house again. Mom told me I have betrayed my family for people who could happily be evil to a child.. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Fleurtheleast −  So, after fighting with them on funeral arrangements and trying to keep you away from them, THESE are the people she turned around and asked for money from? For a child who isn’t related to them in any way? Is she…okay? What this child is going through is terrible, but that has nothing to do with your grandparents.

She would work on paying them back some day. Sounds like she was making a promise to be fulfilled on the the 58th of Neverary, and both she and they knew it. NTA. Her bitterness and vitriol was very unkind to you. This whole thing sucks.

StreetMolasses6093 −  NTA. I’m sorry you’ve been putin the position of having to choose between your mom and grandparents. Also, it’s really not your grandparents’ responsibility to take care of their deceased son’s wife’s new family? That’s so odd. I’m super curious about your dad’s wishes for the funeral they fought about. Was it really worth the fallout and resulting visitation battle? I’m guessing by your mom’s behavior that the answer is no.

SliceEquivalent825 −  NTA.Your mom expected your grandparents, that she fought so much with, to pay for a grandchild that wasn’t theirs. Your mo is living in Lala land and is super vindictive. She put herself into the situation. It is not your grandparents to deal with. Glad you are getting away from her, as her bitterness will never go away and it will drag you down.

KaliTheBlaze −  Sounds like your mom only wants your paternal grandparents around when they can do something for her. Having to sue to get to see you and your brother after losing their son can’t have made them want to help your mom with her new family.

She really had some nerve, trying to ask for a hand-out after she did her best to cut them off. NTA. It’s sad that your mom and your grandparents have this conflict, but your mom shouldn’t be trying to alienate you from your family.

mizfit416 −  Your grandparents don’t owe your Mom zilch. Good for you moving out. Sounds like a very t**ic situation.. NTA

kol_al −  **NTA** Your mom reaped what she sowed. Had she not tried to cut them off and maintained at least a cordial relationship with her former in-laws, they might have been disposed to help in some way. Instead she burned that bridge then tried to demonize them for not wanting to get involved with the tribulations of her new family.

Aq_artisforever −  Wow NTA. I don’t want to go on a rant about your mom and yuck the yum I have going on this morning so that’s all I’m going to say.

Amunetkat −  “…for being evil to a kid.” Nta…Is she for real? So after she tried to isolate you from your paternal grandparents to the point of court intervention she actually had expected them to fork over money to help a kid they had no relation to? After keeping the only reminders of their dead son from them?

The level of delusion your mother is under makes me wonder how she doesn’t float when she walks. I’d go lc when you move out just to stay close to the 16 yrs old cuz I can bet she will try to isolate and poison him against you too. She’s so pathetic.

raechiibbz −  NTA. It’s not your fault your sibling is sick. It’s not your fault your grandparents didn’t help. You’re allowed to choose where you live.

Even_Budget2078 −  NTA. My goodness, what is it with this AITA theme of widowed adults trying to get the family’s of their \*deceased\* spouses to support their new families???? I mean really, what is this about? These are your paternal grandparents, your mom needs to focus on your maternal side of the family- i.e. \*her\* family if she needs support for \*her\* kid.

Your little sister is no relation to your paternal grandparents, she’s not a part of their family. That she is a part of your family does not create any obligation on your dad’s parents. Your grandparents are not being evil and your mom is way out of line for suggesting that.

I am very sorry for your sister’s health issues and for your mom and your stepfather. I understand this is terrible for all of them. It has nothing to do with your paternal grandparents though and making them the bad guy is not ok.