AITA for moving from my mother’s house to my father’s, thus causing me to rarely see my siblings?

One person from Reddit (16M) has been struggling with mental health issues due to mistreatment by their stepdad. After enduring this for a while, they decided to move to their father’s house to escape the negative environment and improve their well-being.

While this move has helped them significantly, it has resulted in less time spent with their younger siblings and mother, leading to feelings of neglect from the family. Their mother and stepdad have expressed remorse and have asked for them to give the situation another chance, but the Redditor has refused. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for moving from my mother’s house to my father’s, thus causing me to rarely see my siblings?’

FYI I, (16m), have grown up with divorced parents since i was 8. My mother remarried and had two kids. Since last year, I was treated very poorly by my “stepdad”. (not gonna get into this for obvious reasons lol) but it took a huge toll on my mental, causing me to disassociate and feel very depressed 24/7.

because of this i decided to move to my dad’s, who I have a good relationship with. (before this, i went back and fourth half and half to both houses.) this move has helped me get a lot better and less depressed in life, and i’ve noticed an improvement . i’ve been here for a few months now. i still visit my mother’s house on occasion.

the issue with this move however, which i did. after threatening my stepdad about numerous times, is that now i no longer see my siblings very much. my siblings , who are very young, really seem to miss me, as does my mother. i know it hurts them that i barely ever come around there.

recently, there have been talks from my mother that my stepdad feels remorse and wants me to give it another shot, but i refuse these proposals and stay at my father’s. am i the a**hole for pretty much neglecting my siblings and mother for my own mental wellbeing?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

lostinRC −  NTA. Put your own life jacket in first. Also, your mother is the one failing to protect people in this. There is only so much you can do, like still making a point to visit to an extent that allows you to stay healthy.

SnooPets8873 −  NTA your mom is making choices. She chose not to protect you from her husband. She is now choosing not to make time away from her husband for you and the kids to hang out. You living for extended time in her home is not the only way.

You could have a mom and kids lunch on Sundays or mom and kid outing once a week to connect, but she hasn’t done it. If the subject comes up, it might be worth suggesting to see if maybe she just hasn’t thought of that, but none of this is any of your fault.

LowBalance4404 −  NTA Your mother picked her husband over you and I’d remind her of that.

Dittoheadforever −  You’re NTA. my siblings , who are very young, really seem to miss me, as does my mother. Then she should have stood up for you when her husband was mistreating you. recently, there have been talks from my mother that my stepdad feels remorse

Hmm… so she acknowledges that her husband mistreated you. Even if he really does “feel remorse”, he is not the only one who needs to make amends. In my book, the parent who allows the new spouse to mistreat her child is as bad, if not worse than he is.

NoRazzmatazz564 −  NTA. You gotta take care of yourself or you’d be of no help to them any way. Good for you for finding a solution to this situation.

Ok_Homework8692 −  NTA stay at your Dad’s- whyis your mother expressing your stepfathers remorse? If he was truly sorry and wanted to change he would be apologizing, not your mother. I think your mother is making it up

Spirited-Hall-2805 −  NTA. You’re being WAY too easy on your mom. She married a man who was awful to you. She chose him over you; That’s not acceptable. You have every right to feel safe at home and I’m glad you have a loving father. I’m a divorced mom wth two kids. Not a chance I’d choose a man over my child’s mental health.

Wakemeup3000 −  NTA. Your stepfather created a difficult situation for you every single day you lived with your mother. Instead of owning up to the fact that he contributed to this he’s basically blaming you for this and is willing to give you a second chance. A second chance for what? Being picked on by an adult again? No thank you. You stay where you are and see your mom and siblings outside of the house or when stepdad isn’t around.

lmchatterbox −  NTA. You did what was best for you. It wouldn’t hurt for you to make efforts to regularly visit with your mom and siblings, but getting out of that house was a good decision for you.

Vandreeson −  NTA. This is a result of your step-father’s actions not yours. If he hadn’t treated you badly, you wouldn’t have left. So them missing you and not seeing you is entirely on him. Now they’re trying to guilt you into going back. Guilt only works if you let it. If you go back it might be ok for a while, but a leopard can’t change his spots. If he treated you bad for this long, I don’t think he’s going to flip a switch and everything will be different.

Is the Redditor wrong for choosing their mental health over maintaining a close relationship with their siblings and mother, or is it understandable given the toxic environment? How would you handle the situation if you were in their shoes? Share your thoughts below!