AITA for moving away from my family entirely?

A Reddit user shares his difficult situation at home, where he has endured years of turmoil due to his brother’s mental health and addiction issues. Despite his attempts to help and support his mother, he feels worn out and unable to keep enduring the volatile family dynamics.

Now that he has an opportunity for a fresh start in the U.S., he’s wondering if he’s in the wrong for wanting to put his mental health first, even if it leaves his mom feeling abandoned. Read his full story below to see if you think he’s justified in his decision to move.

‘ AITA for moving away from my family entirely?’

I (18M) currently live with my mom and one of my brothers, “James,” who struggles with serious mental health issues and addiction. Living with James has been incredibly difficult for the past four years—there have been constant conflicts and outbursts that have deeply affected both me and my mom.

Things got so bad that we even had to move to another country for a while just to escape the situation, but that didn’t work out, and we returned to Canada. James has a history of creating chaos in the family.

My oldest brother, “Frank,” who previously had to recover at home after surgery, ended up moving out and going no-contact with my mom because of disagreements related to James. Since then, I’ve been stuck at home dealing with the same problems: explosive arguments, threats, and emotional manipulation.

My mom feels guilty and doesn’t want to take drastic action against James, which has left me feeling trapped and exhausted. After many failed attempts to convince my mom to set boundaries, I decided to focus on my own future.

I found an opportunity to move to the U.S. where I have a job and a place to stay with a friend. This would be a fresh start for me, far away from the painful dynamics and judgments tied to my brother’s behavior.

When I told my mom about my decision, she was upset and accused me of abandoning her, much like Frank did. While I understand her feelings, I can’t help but feel like I need to prioritize my mental health and move forward with my life.

I feel guilty for making my mom sad, but after everything I’ve experienced, I think I’m justified in wanting to leave. AITA for wanting to start over and leave my family behind?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

FinnFinnFinnegan −  NTA just leave. I have a family member who has the same issues, lives with me, and the misery never neds

chillumbaby −  NTA. You have every right to take care of yourself. Your mom is responsible for herself.

MerlinBiggs −  NTA. Your mum not wanting to do anything drastic has only enabled him. Your not abandonding her, Frank and your mum’s inaction have driven you away. I get you feel guilty, but you need to do it.

matthewsmugmanager −  NTA. Your actual job as a young adult is to build a life for yourself apart from your parents and siblings. Your decision to move to the US is in no way “abandoning” your mother. She should honestly be pleased that you’re growing into a successful person who is able to move away and live on their own.

She is being m**ipulative because she planned for you to stay and help her, but that plan doesn’t benefit you at all, either in terms of finances or in terms of your own growth as a person.

Acrobatic_Drawer_959 −  NTA. Don’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You are entitled to a great life. Come to the US. Start a new life. There are so many opportunities to be had here!!

Heeler_Haven −  NTA. You are not abandoning her, you are refusing to allow her to sacrifice you on the altar of James… please get away and create a stable life for yourself. Look into al-anon or similar programs/support groups for families of alcoholics/addicts to help you heal and move past the damage James has done already.

Excellent-Count4009 −  NTA. “When I told my mom about my decision, she was upset and accused me of abandoning her, much like Frank did. ” .. She is right,.

And that is a NECESSARY and REASONABLE step for you, just as it was for Frank. So: follow Frank’s lead and escape, too. If not, your mom will set you up as your brother’s lifelong caretaker.

FlyGuy1922 −  NTA. Sometimes OP you have to put yourself first. Maybe this will convince your mum that she needs to change

ElmLane62 −  NTA. Your mother is losing two of her sons because the third son has extreme behavioral issues. I would move out, too.
Frankly, I don’t know what your mother can do, but she needs to find out if there is some sort of program or group home for your brother.

Icy_Lemon1523 −  She abandoned you both to James first. NtA

What do you think—is the Redditor justified in choosing to prioritize his mental well-being, or should he stay and continue supporting his mother? How would you handle a similar family dilemma? Share your thoughts below!