AITA for moving across the country and splitting the five of us up (Quints)?
One person from Reddit, a 28-year-old named Eric, shared his dilemma about moving across the country, which has sparked heated discussions among his family. As one of five quintuplets, Eric’s decision to relocate to Seattle has been met with backlash, particularly from his siblings, who believe his move will tear the family apart.
Tensions rose further after Eric was excluded from his brother’s wedding due to his sexuality, leading him to seek a fresh start in a new city. Read the original story below for more context on this family conflict.
‘ AITA for moving across the country and splitting the five of us up (Quints)?’
I’m 1 (28 M) of 5 in a set of quintuplets. In order it goes Aiden, Beth, Charlotte, Deanna and me Eric. It wasn’t horrible and our parents did in all honesty a great job with all us. I think really the only problem we had was Aiden who was the first out and knew he was the first out had a pretty big ego and felt he was superior over the other four of us and tried to push us around.
Our parents did what they could to keep him inline and for the most part the rest of us would ignore him Three years ago my brother decided to marry his then girlfriend. Our family for the most part are pretty laid back. This is good because out of the five of us, I’m the gay one. Up to a certain point it was never really an issue.Or so I thought.
His wife’s family complete opposite. Highly political (Conservative) and devote Catholic. Again to each their own and it wasn’t anything for us to talk to him about. If she makes him happy then there isn’t anything we can do about it. When they got married I wasn’t included in any part of it.
Her parents were paying for it and they had the final say and said they couldn’t allow a gay person in the wedding party or in the church. My brothers, sisters and parents say they fought to get me invited, but were shot down each time. My sisters were part of the wedding party but none declined.
My dad offered to stay with me for the day and we would do something. I told him it was okay and both parents needed to be at the wedding. The day of the wedding a couple of friends took a day trip. We had a great time but it still would have been nice to see Aiden get married. Not long after the wedding I was on vacation and met someone.
Long distance as it maybe three years later we have been making it work. We have been talking about one of moving and I told him I loved Seattle and that if anyone was going to move it was going to be me. Last night mom and dad asked for all of us to come for dinner.
I didn’t say much at all and everyone was talking and I was just listening and on occasion say a yes or no or answer an easy question. My dad finally noticed and looked over and asked if I was okay. I just told him I have a lot on my mind and he asked what’s going on “I’m moving to Seattle The room went crazy.
I can’t say I was being attacked but it still felt like it with the way everyone was firing off all their questions and calling me an a**hole for breaking the five of us up. Dinner ended shortly after and Dad and I went out to his barn and talked for a long time. Weather he gave it to me or not I am going to move.
But he gave me his blessing and told me he would help however he could. Today Deanna and Beth came over and started in right away. They started blaming Will for splitting the five of us up and calling me an a**hole for not taking the rest of us into consideration. I told them it’s not a big deal and at least one of us has the ambition to move on with their life. So AITA for moving and breaking up the five of us?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
fabulousautie − People move. It’s part of life. You’re an individual and not just part of a set. You can’t be expected to spend the rest of your life consulting your siblings before making decisions just because you were wombmates. NTA and enjoy Seattle!
Stranger0nReddit − NTA. Being a quint doesn’t mean you can’t and shouldn’t have your own life. You are an individual! It’s normal to move. I’m glad your dad is at least on your side. And hey, if they are gonna talk about dividing the family i’d note you felt that way when you were not even invited to your brother’s wedding. I hope their reactions were mostly due to shock and they come to understand that you should do what makes you happy, and they should support you in that.
Aggressive_Cattle320 − NTA. I’m sorry that you were put through that. I’m from a Catholic background and that is not something the church teaches. They sound more like extremists. We aren’t supposed to pass judgement on others. Your brother was really the first one responsible for “splitting” you up when he allowed his brother to be excluded from his wedding.
And the rest of the set decided to stand by him and not by you. If it was my family, and one of us wasn’t welcome, then none of us would have gone. So, inform them that they all contributed to making you feel like the outsider when they accepted you’d be left out. It was your brother’s wedding, too, and it’s on him for letting his wife and family dictate who was welcome.
They need to stop being so self centered. It’s unreasonable to expect that all 5 of you will velcro together for life. You can still remain close and in touch while each follows the path of their choice. Best wishes on YOUR journey.
KarinSpaink − NTA. If there’s an a**hole involved, it’s Aiden, who allowed his fiancee’s family to block you from his wedding, and your sisters, who allegedly ‘fought’ against that decision but were happy to be part of the wedding party anyway after you were ousted. Also, if they gave Aiden a free pass ‘because he’s in love’, why can’t your sisters do the same for you, now that you are in love?
KrofftSurvivor − NTA – Not sure how anybody thinks you’re the one that broke the five of you up when your brother didn’t even allow you at his own wedding, but this would make a great five book romance series if you could get better at sorting the stuff out in the background.
Only-Ingenuity7889 − For Pete’s sake, you’re not in the womb any more. You’re allowed to have your own life. NTA
lavasca − NTA. Be your own wombat, Eric. Please also make yourself a teeshirt that reads “Be your own wombat.”
lovelymiasoo − you’re definitely not the AH here. moving is a big deal, but it sounds like it’s something you really want and need to do. your sisters are probably just feeling the pressure of losing that close-knit vibe you all had, but it’s totally valid for you to pursue your happiness, especially after being sidelined at the wedding.
family dynamics are tricky, especially with Aiden’s ego and your sisters’ feelings. communication might help, maybe letting them know you still care and want to stay connected even if you’re far away. it’s all about finding that balance, ya know?
Laines_Ecossaises − NTA. Go to Seattle, be happy. You need some distance from these people. Pretty sure they “broke the 5 of you up” when one refused to allow you to even attend his wedding and the rest still participated in it.. You owe them NOTHING.. Edit typo
_serarthurdayne_ − NTA obviously but your siblings are. They don’t want you to move because you’ll “split them up” but they ultimately allowed Aiden’s in-laws to split you up for his wedding. Maybe next time they start in, just say if you’d been allowed at the wedding, you never would have met your partner in the first place, so they can talk to Aiden if they’re mad.
If you were each a single year apart, would there be this much upheaval? I could be reaching here but it sounds like some of them (maybe all of them?) have made being a Disney Channel Original Movie their whole identity and they see you moving as taking away part of who they are.
But they need to learn to be individuals, and I’m happy that you have. Honestly their reaction makes me feel like you probably *should* move. Good on your dad for being supportive. I lived in the PNW for nearly a decade, it’s amazing, go live in Seattle.
Do you think Eric is justified in moving to pursue his own happiness, or should he have considered the impact on his siblings more? How would you handle a similar situation within your family? Share your thoughts below!