AITA for misunderstanding my sister in law?

A woman (27F) took her sister-in-law (33F) to a medical appointment, during which they planned a museum trip for their family. At her sister-in-law’s request, she drafted and sent a group chat message to coordinate the trip, only to find out later that the sister-in-law was annoyed by the phrasing of the message.

This led to a misunderstanding, compounded by questions about the woman’s English skills and background, which she found discriminatory. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for misunderstanding my sister in law?’

I F(27) recently took my SIL F(33) to an MRI appointment. We had lunch after, during which we discussed plans for a group to a museum with ourselves, my husband M(28) (her brother) and their other sister. We had discussed it in the past, but she was injured and we had to delay planning the trip until she received her results.

She suggested a group chat to see if everyone would be able to go on 11/23. She had trouble typing due to her medications/injury, so she asked me to create the group chat. This is what I wrote: “Would you guys be available for 11/23 to go the museum? Stephanie (SIL) should be able to handle it by then.”

I showed her the text before I sent and she approved it. Today my husband went to her house to help her with something. When he came back he mentioned that his sister was annoyed by the text I had sent, and she claimed that I overstated her commitment to the museum trip on that date.

My husband, who was not aware that I had typed the message out in front of her with her approval, assumed there was a miscommunication due to English being my second language. He told me that when he mentioned that to her she was skeptical because I was born in English speaking country, and lived there for the first seven years of my life.

He pointed out to her that I lived in a Spanish speaking household in a Hispanic community, before returning to my parents home country at the age of 7. She apparently remained skeptical and changed the subject. It’s also worth noting that during our lunch she had asked very probing questions about my immigration status and my family’s status.

My husband says that he felt a sense of hostility from her towards me for my English skills, I felt somewhat discriminated against by her questions at lunch. This seems out of character because she very liberal when it comes to politics to anyone who will listen but my husband and I both felt a sense of hostility towards me. So am I the a**hole for sending the group text ?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

dryadduinath −  …You didn’t misunderstand her. She approved the message before you sent it. She changed her mind, and wants to find a way to make it your fault. NTA. 

OverCan588 −  She approved the text. Nothing to complain about. NTA

R4eth −  There was no misunderstanding. She just changed her mind after the fact and chose to use your upbringing as a s**pegoat. I hate to break it to you, but your sil is a r**ist and might not be as liberal as you think. There was zero reason for her to bring up your immigration status or English skills over lunch after a medical test while discussing a family outing. NTA.

NinjaHidingintheOpen −  If she needs an MRI and was unable to previously attend because she couldn’t handle it, is there a traumatic brain injury or similar affecting her memory of events?

Suitable-Tear-6179 −  Nta. *You let her read the text before sending it!*  WTAF. Perhaps she’s not recovering as quickly as she expected, and is back pedaling by blaming it on you misunderstanding.  That’s still a j**k move.

As for the rest of it…  I don’t think your SiL is nearly as liberal as she clames.  At least, not as far as her family is concerned. Reminds me of my dad.  My dad says all the right pro femininist words.  Women should be self sufficient shouldnt depdnd on men, and feel trapped….  But he was a total arse about me being an independent, self sufficient young lady.

He seemed to think my time at college was so I could get my “Mrs. Degree.”  Friends helped load up my dorm room, but they were enlisted navy guys.  “Why aren’t you hanging out with officers? They’re better prospects.”

1- they were friends, not dates, and 2- they were hauling my stuff down 4 external flights of stairs, in Florida.  Would his precious officers be happily doing hot sweaty grunt labor?  (Possibly, but really, Dad!)  He only backed down when he met my future husband.

Expensive_Visual_594 −  This is a dangerous girl that I would stay far away from. 

Content-Plenty-268 −  I don’t see how. You drafted the text, and she approved it before you two sent it together. Everything else is interesting but not relevant to whether you misunderstood her. Can she read English? She approved your text. Which you quote here, and it’s literally tentative and subject to how she’ll be feeling. You are NTA.

PDK112 −  NTA. But I would come up with other plans and bow out of the trip to the museum. I would also start distancing myself from SIL and let others take her to medical appointments.

Extension-Ad9159 −  NTA. Sounds like SIL is an AH though, by trying to s**pegoat you. If she feels the date needs changed, then she needs to communicate that.

frankyhart −  Nta. No it’s the same in English and Spanish if she didn’t approve of the text you would have understood her. She has changed her mind and instead of backing out she’s trying to blame you. Don’t let her gaslight you. You didn’t misunderstand her.

Do you think the sister-in-law’s reaction was justified, or does it seem unfair given her prior approval of the message? How would you address a situation involving potential miscommunication and underlying tensions like this? Share your thoughts below!