AITA for missing my FIL’s funeral after my MIL booked my husband first class but me ecconomy?
Losing a loved one is one of the most emotionally charged experiences a person can go through. It’s a time for family, support, and coming together—unless, of course, you have a mother-in-law (MIL) determined to drive a wedge between you and your spouse.
That’s what happened to OP (31F), who isn’t exactly on the best terms with her MIL. When OP’s father-in-law passed away, MIL paid for their flights to attend the funeral. But there was a catch—her husband got a first-class ticket, while OP was stuck in economy.
Feeling humiliated and sidelined, OP refused to go, leaving her grieving husband to attend alone. Now, he and his family think she’s selfish for making a fuss over a seat, while OP believes this was a deliberate insult. So, who’s really in the wrong?
‘AITA for missing my FIL’s funeral after my MIL booked my husband first class but me ecconomy?’
Expert Opinion:
Understanding the Real Conflict
This isn’t just about a plane ticket—it’s about power dynamics, respect, and emotional support. Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family estrangement, explains that toxic in-laws often use subtle power plays to create division in marriages. MIL’s decision to separate OP and her husband on the flight wasn’t just about money—it was likely a calculated move to assert dominance and make OP feel like an outsider.
However, OP’s reaction also played into MIL’s hands. Instead of taking the high road and attending the funeral for her husband’s sake, she made a stand that ultimately hurt him more than MIL ever could. Dr. Coleman notes that failing to support a grieving spouse can cause long-term resentment, even if the conflict wasn’t their fault.
The Emotional Cost of Taking a Stand
Grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt states that funerals are not just about honoring the dead—they’re about supporting the living. In this case, OP’s husband needed her presence far more than she needed a seat upgrade. While MIL’s actions were undeniably petty, OP’s choice to stay home left her husband feeling abandoned in one of his hardest moments.
How This Could Have Been Handled Differently
Instead of boycotting the funeral, OP could have:
- Attended and addressed the issue later, making it clear to her husband that she was there for him despite MIL’s games.
- Booked her own first-class upgrade if the seating truly mattered that much.
- Used the situation to highlight MIL’s toxicity—by showing up, she could have proven her strength and prevented MIL from painting her as the villain.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
MIL’s move was undeniably manipulative, but OP’s response ended up hurting the one person who needed her the most—her husband. Sometimes, taking a stand feels empowering in the moment, but the long-term consequences can be far worse than swallowing your pride for a few hours.
So, what do you think? Was OP justified in refusing to go, or should she have put her feelings aside for her husband’s sake? Drop your thoughts below!